171237646086290799612010-07-12T13:30:01.842-04:00Always learningI originally wrote this several weeks ago, but didn't post it right away. I'm so glad I wrote it down when I did because I needed to read it again! For anyone who has ever felt the urge to write something you felt God was showing you, this is your reminder to do it. I guarantee that it will help your faith to grow because when you read it later on-you see that it really was God speaking to you. It is ALWAYS confirmed.
I hope I never stop learning, but over the last 3 or 4 years, God has stretched my fundamental beliefs and taught me that while he is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, people always change. His laws are the same for all, but they are applied in different ways to different people. That is hard for a girl to accept when she's always believed in absolute Truth and the inspired Word of God. There is absolute Truth in the form of Jesus Christ, but grace is not such an absolutely definable thing. Absolute Truth exists in the phrase, "ALL have sinned and fallen short." Absolute Truth exists in the availability of grace to everyone. Absolute Truth exists in the fact that ALL sins are EQUAL! What a concept! We as christians tend to make our little white lies out to be nothing while our neighbor who is shacking up is GOIN' TO HELL! Ummm, hello! Lying is a sin. Gossip is a sin, Envy and jealousy are sins. Screwing around is...nothing more than the other things...sin. And (shock!) smoking and drinking are NOT! Are those things good for you? Of course not, but they are not mentioned as sin. Other than the admonition to keep your body as a temple to the Holy Spirit and to do ALL things in moderation-not to excess, smoking is not even mentioned in the Bible and drinking is mentioned as perfectly normal and acceptable.
I have a hard time grasping those things. On a moment to moment basis, I have to be reminded.
I have realized that while I am an optimist, I am very negative. How can this be? Well, while I am always sure that everything will work out, the situation is always bad, bad, bad in the present. Unfortunately, I tend to speak the present rather than the future. I am trying to become a more positive person. So for the next few months I am going to be working on not just seeing a positive outcome, but speaking it as well. I think the negativity began as a defense mechanism. If I talk myself down, I won't get my hopes up and be dissappointed. I have GOT to stop that. I need to find the good in every situation and every person.
I have things I want my children to learn and at this point, they will only learn from example. I have to stop grieving over the things I didn't teach them that I should have and just start setting a better example of it. I am learning on a daily basis to entrust them to the Lord and trust completely in Him to draw them to Him. He is a big God. I gave them to Him before they were born and He is completely able to hold onto them. Besides, even though I didn't do a perfect job of teaching them, they do KNOW the Truth. They may question and they may rebel, but they KNOW the Truth. God's word does not return to Him void. It always produces. I have to trust the Holy Spirit to do It's work in their hearts.
A life redeemed honors God!!
1 Tim 1: 15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst.
16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.
Phil 3:12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, 14 I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus. 15 All of us who are mature should take such a view of things.
Kudos to Josh Wooten who gave the message in church yesterday based on the previous two scriptures. Today is a new beginning.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102010-07-11T23:40:35.467-04:00When will I ever learn?I am a master of jumping the gun. I cannot seem to learn the lesson about God's timing. Let me tell you about a couple of them.
26 years ago, I followed what the world projects as the "proper order of things" and went off to college right out of high school. I never even prayed about it. It was just what "you do". Somewhere during the second year, I dropped out for a boy that I thought I was in love with-Shannon Murray ****** (last name withheld). Two years after that, I had been married, abused, became a mother and was divorced (not necessarily in that order but in that amount of time). A year after that marraige was over, I met Shane. A year after that we were married. Within a year after we were married, we moved to Murray, KY. I just have to wonder what would have happened if I had skipped Shannon Murray ****** and just waited 5 or six years for Shane in Murray.
Fast forward a few years and Shane and I are looking for a new house in Murray, KY. We found an older Arts and Crafts bungalow that I simply fell in love with. It had an apartment that we felt could be easily rented out in the college town for part of the mortgage payment. The bank turned us down flat and even threw in what felt like an insult by saying that we didn't even qualify for a loan equal to what our current home was worth! I felt like my dream had died and I mourned fittingly. In fact, looking back I am embarrassed at my reaction. Wailing would be a good description but might be a little on the conservative side. Well, we ended up in Nashville a couple of years later and guess what-when we went back to Murray to close on the sale of our house, we drove by the bungalow and it was torn down! I was sick. Not for the loss of the house I loved, but for the way I had acted when God had merely been protecting us.
These are just the most apparent tales of my uncanny ability to miss God's timing. I have always been impatient with making money decisions too and those decisions have spelled near disaster for our family. But those were more subtle instances that took years to reveal themselves.
I just gotta wonder...When will I ever learn?Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102009-09-13T23:25:55.127-04:00Kanye West-you suckI am not really a Taylor Swift fan. She's okay, but...well anyway, Kanye, you suck. That had to be the most tasteless and rude thing I have ever seen. I hope someone does that to you someday. Better yet, I hope you NEVER win another award as long as you live.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102009-09-10T20:20:50.045-04:00I don't agree (am I gonna be called out?)and my suggestion for health care.I am finding that, more and more, I am having trouble defining myself. Certainly I have deep rooted beliefs that are unshakable, but the more I learn, the more I have to refine what I believe. They are not different, just tweaked. I have always considered myself a conservative, but over the last few years, I identify less and less with the conservative crowd. I am not, nor will I ever be liberal...or is it progressive now-just another name for the same thing. It's not that my fundamental, core, beliefs have changed, but I have better learned how to define them. I have discovered that what I believe, isn't really all that conservative. If I have to place myself in a category, I have to say I am libertarian. I also find myself dividing my personal beliefs and my political beliefs. There again, they haven't changed, I have just come to know that what I believe for myself, would never work on a state-wide or national level. It isn't that what I think is right and wrong have changed, I've just realized that some people are going to go about right and wrong in a different way than I would.
When I was discovering these things about myself, I began to realize that I was loathe to disassociate myself with what I had always considered myself to be. Lately though, during all the debate over health care, I have noticed that we are all like that to a certain extent. How many people get angry over an issue just because the party they affiliate themselves with tells them to. I just think that the ability to think for ourselves is lost. Certainly it isn't taught in schools. We are given a lesson and tested over it and that becomes the extent of our knowledge. At what point do we stop letting ourselves be spoon fed information and use common sense? Why do we not question what we here on the television. Why do we vote for crooked people based on how much more crooked and hateful they can convince us that the other guy is? Why do we not think beyond the 30 second sound bite? You can't possibly learn about the issues in 30 seconds!
Have we all just become mind-numbed zombies?
That said, I will always use Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, and Sean Hannity as sources of information. I don't agree with EVERYthing they say, but I do agree with a lot of it. Even still, they have certainly done a lot more research than some of their counterparts. However, I will not follow a party line. I didn't know it, but I never really have.
To take issue with the health care situation: Nobody, I mean NOBODY thinks health care should remain status quo. It's foolish and mean to suggest that. I do believe with everything that's in me that allowing the government to have any hand other than regulating some things within the industry, is also very foolish. See regulating an industry is far less permanent than government control. Once the government starts promising free lunches, those that are actually getting the free part of that lunch, become dependent on it and you can't take it back. Then the ones who are stuck with the bill become resentful and...well, broke! And there is no way on God's green earth that Obama will ever pull any "savings" out of medicare or his butt or anything else he may say he's gonna reach into. If that were possible, it should be done ANYWAY.
As to playing partisan politics, Mr. President, you won't even let the other side have a say in the debate. Who is being partisan? I'm just calling you out on that, Mr. President. If you must do something, regulate and reform. Do not take over. Give incentives for living healthy, continue with tax incentives for health savings and allow people to carry the money over from year to year, so that if there is something elective that they want-like an adult wanting braces-they can save and plan for it. Encourage employers to purchase high deductible plans for their employees, saving the company money and covering the employee for catastrophic events and let companies compete to sell supplemental plans for those who can and want to afford it. Under no circumstances should anyone illegal be given a free ride and emergency room visits should be paid for so that it is not abused. People who are on welfare should have some of their check used to help pay for their health care. No one should get it for free because it tends to be abused and overused costing everyone more in the long run. If it costs, it will be appreciated.
I know these aren't perfect suggestions, but they are sure a heck of a lot better than what's on the table now.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102009-09-03T08:06:57.035-04:00Back to School and There AgainOdd title? Yes, but it is referring to the fact that I started school this week. Again. At the same school I started at 26 years ago! Memories have been flooding back like crazy. The campus has changed so much, but all the elements that were in place when I was there before are still there.
In 1983, I moved into High Rise West-now Corlew Hall. The building is gutted now with renovations, but it only serves to make the feelings i have more haunting. Every time I walk by it, I can see us sitting in the windows watching the people walk by, and of course shouting down to someone every now and then.
I haven't been inside of the University Center yet. It was the hub of all the activity back in the day and was one of the largest buildings on campus. In 1983, the two high rise dorms sat off kind of by themselves and the UC was the first building you came to as you walked toward the class buildings. Now, the UC and the high rise dorms are surrounded by classroom buildings and the UC is absolutely dwarfed by the Business and Science building that stands just on the other side of high ri...I mean Corlew. Heck, Corlew is dwarfed by the BAS with the exception that it is several floors taller. Anyway, I hardly even noticed the UC as I walked past it.
Peck Hall and Kirksey Old Main are still there, and the weirdo's still hang out at Peck Hall for some reason. It has this courtyard thing going on on the bottom floor and there was always the wierdest looking people hanging out down there. Nothing's changed there. I remember once there was a guy that hung out around Peck Hall wearing sackcloth and carrying a Cross and a HUGE "REPENT" sign. That was the only time I've ever seen that outside of a movie.
There are about 3 times more people, 5 times as many cars, and about half the parking there once was! They have a soccer field where the biggest parking lot I've ever seen once was. There is still a portion of it for the football and arena parking, but the largest portion of it is gone for the soccer stadium (Couldn't they just use the football stadium?). We used to call that parking lot BFE. I won't go into what that stood for, but we called it that because it was SO FAR AWAY from everything.
Oh and the main parking lot across from the high rise dorms is now gone. I wonder where the people in those dorms park now.
There is so much congestion on the campus now, I don't know how those who ride bikes get around. The sidewalks are packed, the streets are packed, even the classrooms are packed! I think only one of my classes is not completely full and I think the only reason for that is that it is meeting in a computer lab...it's a Spanish class! I think it may have been a last minute decision to put us in that particular room.
Well, all and all, I am happy with my classes. I'm afraid of the coursework to come, but enjoy the teachers and the content so far. There is one that talks very slow, but what he says is so interesting that it makes up for it. I just notice that I tend to get lost in the long pauses though. He asked me a question today and I was taken by surprise because I thought he had already moved on from that topic. I guess I had zoned out a bit and didn't hear part of the question. No biggie. I had the answer:-)Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112009-08-24T13:32:38.588-04:00ProcrastinatingI just can't seem to get anything done today. I simply am not motivated to do anything but play with my computer. I have several things I NEED to accomplish before I go back to school, but at this rate, there is no way it will happen.
This blog entry is nothing more than putting off what I need to do. Thus the title.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/171237646086290799612009-08-19T23:14:12.173-04:00I Miss WritingWriting used to come so easy to me. Sometimes, I would sit to write something and the words would come spilling out of me. I even had times when I felt that my fingers couldn't move fast enough to capture all the words falling out of my head. Much of what I typed seemed to come straight from God. It was wonderful. I loved it. It was a form of expression for me that I thrived on.
Now it's a little different. I often get a snippet or phrase that comes to me that I want to write down, but am not in a place where I can. The thought is often gone long before I am in a place where I can capture it. Then to actually make myself sit still long enough to expound on any thought is almost as hard as having a thought to expound upon.
I know that ideas are still in me somewhere, and I pray that God bring all those thoughts that I felt were worth capturing, back around for me to actually do so. I have always felt that words, once let out, were like part of us that live on forever. Certainly I felt this way about written words, but I also feel that way about spoken words. Matthew 12:36 says that we will hold account for every careless word. Somehow I imagine every word we write or speak, floating around out there in space for God to catch and save for us. I think of the opposite of that scripture as being that we will be praised for the good words we say or write. That if he saves the bad ones for us to account for, then surely the good ones are saved for our benefit.
Besides what the Bible says, I have read that sound waves go on forever. I've even read about some that believe if a such a receiver could be devised, that we could capture ancient words and listen in on conversations from across time. It's a fanciful and imaginative idea, but I kind of like the idea that what we speak today may be heard hundreds of years from now. This can't even begin to compare with the ideas I have about the written word. I mean think about the authors of the dead sea scrolls. Do you think they ever imagined that there words would be such a source of mystery so long after they are gone? To me, it's almost like letting a part of me get away if I can't save what I have written.
So now, to not even seem to be able to put any words together is painful. It has always been such a part of me. It has never mattered much to me about whether people reading it liked it as it was that I was able to get words out. I have read the Five Love Languages and I am very much a "words" person. I speak love with words and I HEAR love through words. (I'm also a gifts person, so write me a letter, something with words that I can hold in my hands, and I am a VERY happy girl). I know that you service/touch/quality time people could never understand this, but being able to write-to set my words free-is very much like eating good food to me. I don't have to have it to live, but it sure makes the things I do have to do, more enjoyable. The words I have written in the past are important enough to me that I do things to protect them and feel a loss if they are destroyed. I don't suppose it is the actual word that I mourn so much as the idea behind it, but if the words are gone, I feel the idea is lost as well.
I do feel that someday the block will be removed and God will once again allow me to form a decent, formal thought long enough to put it on paper, or in this case, in my computer's memory. But till then, I will just keep trying periodically to force the action with the hope that the inspiration will follow and in turn, more action will come on its own.
Hopefully, this will happen before school starts back so I can put it to use in my writing assignments. Did I mention that writing used to come easy to me? Oh yeah, I used to be able to BS a paper without even thinking about it. Not anymore.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/171237646086290799612009-08-19T22:18:14.328-04:00Where's my Pell Grant?I got my financial aid award letter earlier this summer and it said I had a $488 Pell Grant. I just got a letter from the school saying "changes had been made" to my award and I needed to log in to see what they were. Well...MY PELL GRANT IS GONE! Why? How? I thought Obama was supposed to save us all not sink us further in to debt!!! UGH!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/171237646086290799612009-08-04T20:54:41.386-04:00New YearTo me, the beginning of the new school year is more of a time for "resolutions" than January 1. I always see it as a new beginning. I always make promises to myself to be more organized, more disciplined, and quite frankly, BETTER. This year is no exception to the rule with the added pressure of actually beginning a new career track for myself. If ever I needed to be more organized and disciplined, NOW is the time. I haven't taken a full load of university level courses in 25 years. I definitely haven't tried juggling a full time course load AND a job. So in the next few weeks, I am going to have to become organized to a level that I have never before achieved.
I've got my fingers crossed.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102009-06-12T17:44:08.744-04:00Me, with handfuls of my hair.I often have a tendency to bite off more than I can chew. I go through spells of having too much to the point of being so overwhelmed that I can't make up my mind what to do next, and then having absolutely nothing to do but get up, go to work, eat, and sleep. I absolutely thrive on the way-too-busy times. I hate it and I love it.
What always keeps me going during the craziest part of the busy time, is the thought that just around the corner, is time.
I think I lost sight of that corner.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/171237646086290799612009-04-08T16:05:52.378-04:00Time to get back to what's real.My focus over the last 2-3 years has been so...off. I can't think of how else to describe it. I keep remembering 2 Thesalonians 2:3 that tells us not to let any man deceive us because in the last days, there will be a "falling away". After our former church losing it's focus and literally being in the throes of death until another church took over and the former lost all identity, I started to notice how scripture was no longer the focus of the "church" we were in. I just had a bad, bad feeling about that. I even had dreams, that I believe were prophetic warnings in nature and that have been fulfilled. We should have gotten out of there long ago. We should have heeded those warnings. Looking back, while I don't think that anyone there is aware of it, they have gotten more into the "all roads lead to heaven" theology. While I DO believe in a totally merciful God, I also believe that he provided a way for us and it is only ONE way. Is that arrogant as so many who are unchurched seem to think? Well, it wasn't me that said, "I am the way and no one comes to the Father but through Me." I think it is rather arrogant for someone to reject that way without even fully exploring it. Yes, of course it's hard. Denying yourself the things of the flesh that would bring pleasure IS hard, but is anything worthwhile easy?
Anyway, I don't think I have been deceived, as such, but I have become complacent and allowed my spiritual self to become lax and lazy. I have all but done away with reading the Bible Easy to find excuses when you go back to work and start school, but extremely detrimental-Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. I stopped going to church for at least a year which was extremely destructive to our family that now cannot agree on which church to attend. Not to mention that I don't feel like I have an extended family around me anymore to support us in times of need. There is a reason God tells us not to forsake the assembly. That is how we surround ourselves with people who love and care for us and who will drop everything to help us when we need it. Of course those are the people we will also look out for and help out. My prayer life became next to nonexistent as I would begin a prayer, get sidetracked and end up only repeating myself over and over again as I tried to remember where I left off. My mind just wandered too much. Instead of praying without ceasing, I would turn on the TV to drown out my thoughts. Of course all of this led to the "old man" being able to try to resurrect himself and wheedle his way back into my thought processing. This has been probably the biggest reason the desert I have found myself in. It is time to leave that desert and bury that old man for good. That is NOT who I am and I refuse to let him define me.
All of this is to say, that I am keenly convicted that the time is near and I need to be trimming my wick and filling my lamp with oil. I fully believe the Bridegrooom is on His way and I do not want to be caught unprepared. I have received my wake up call.
This blog is not meant for a readership. I fully believe that if someone needs to read these words, that God will send them here. I have noticed that it has at times been a source of vanity, so it is for this reason that I am going to turn the comments off. It's not because I don't want anyone disagreeing with me. It's because I like people agreeing with me too much. This blog is merely my attempt to capture the lessons God is teaching me at any given moment. It started out that way. I want it to BE that way. So hopefully this will be a little less randomness and a little more focused. Here's to a refreshing new start.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/171237646086290799612009-03-15T13:23:36.714-04:00Taking StockA friend's husband died this week and I went to the funeral. This was one of those funerals that you actually enjoy. No one is really sad except for the fact that he will be terribly missed. Everyone is absolutely sure that this man is now with Jesus, so the "funeral" is more of a celebration. Sure there are tears, but they are more a testament to how wonderful this man was rather than sadness over his passing. These are the things that I carried away with me from this funeral:
Church home and family are important. Over the last year, we have not been actively involved in a church and we have not really stayed in touch with people we called friends, at the one we left. I have really been feeling a void there lately. It left me wondering what we would do in difficult times without our "family". Now I am more convinced than ever that we NEED that family to support us in good times and bad and to be available to support them as well. We would get by without them, but it is so much easier with their love and support.
You must let your family know you love them. Sure you have to discipline your kids. Sure you can joke around with them. But it is vital for them to know you love them and are proud of them. They must be able to know when you are serious and when you are playing around. You can't let them think you are never serious because they will push too far and not respond to correction for thinking you are still teasing. Lots of hugs and warmth are imperative. Being involved in their lives is a must. Kids especially tend to think you don't care if you don't watch them accomplish and succeed.
The bond of friendship is seldom easy, but worth it. It's so hard to invite people over with the house a mess. It's even harder to get and invitation to someone else's home when you have lots of kids. So bite the bullet and clean house so company can come over. And do it LOTS of times. That's how friendships are formed-time with the people you want to be friends with. So just DO it.
Life doesn't have to be boring. All work and no play really do make for a dull existence. Go play and take family and friends with you.
Most importantly...God should be the center of our lives. If God is the center and we are grateful for what we have, and we always let people know this, people will not grieve for us when we are gone. Miss us? Yes. But grieve? Na, they will KNOW where we are.
Thank You, God, for my many blessings. Thank You for my family and the love that exists in my home. Thank You for our health and for security. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!!!!!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102009-02-21T13:07:03.755-05:00US Bank, First Tennessee and a questionYes this blog is going to be random for a while. Sorting things out means pulling out the junk and going through it all. So nothing deep or profound for a while. I need to chill a bit first.
It's things like this that have me so frazzled:
We were with this one bank. A large, don't-know-who-you-are-cause-your-just-a-number bank (cou-us-gh cou-bank-gh)and they charged us overdraft fees on a whole bunch of small overages after taking one large one. They could have paid the small ones first and only charged us for the one large one (one $39 fee as opposed to many). This led to months of constantly being over and being charges only to set us back even more. (No kidding this probably cost us close to a thousand dollars) When questioned about this tactic, they said it was a "customer service" so that if the large one were your mortgage, it would be paid on time. Excuse me, you're paying ALL of them and just charging me like you weren't. So what difference does it make if you pay one or the other first? Never mind that when you charge me multiple overdraft fees, you kill me financially so that I can never get on my feet again. Oh hell, I want the world to know. It was US BANK. The final straw was when they did it to my son for a measly 3 bucks. He was at school in East Tennessee and his mail is forwarded. It was 10 days before he found out about it and they charged him a freaking $9 a day on top of the $39 fee! Would not do a thing to help him. So we closed ALL of our accounts.
We then moved to First Tennessee. Now they have been real good to us except for one thing. Their bill pay sucks. When I first tried it, they took the money from your account as soon as you scheduled your payment. So I can't schedule a week out due to the fact that my money may not be in there until the day before! UGH! I get late payment fees cause I have to wait till I have money to schedule the payments, but it takes five days to pay. Okay after a year of licking my wounds from that one, I try again. It says to schedule five days out. So I schedule on a Friday to pay the next Friday with a due date on the following Tues. The money won't be there until the Friday on which I am scheduling the payment, but deposits are supposed to post before the payments right? Well, the money was withdrawn on the correct Friday, the deposit posted after the fact resulting in overdraft fees (this time only $10 each) and the payments were posted FIVE DAYS AFTER THE MONEY WAS WITHDRAWN resulting in another $39 each in late fees. After questioning this, they did refund the overdraft fees, but said their rules clearly stated to schedule payments five days out and they would NOT do anything about them. So I figure they are simply mailing my payments. I could mail my own and get them there on time without having money drawn from my account before the check arrives. They aren't helping me with anything but postage this way and if I am getting late fees everytime, they are way negating that. So I pose this question to anyone who will answer:
Do I change banks again? Or should I give them another chance? I mean, they are all out to screw you right? This is life from paycheck to paycheck. Anybody know of any banks that are fair?
I am forwarding this post to First Tennessee. I'll post whatever they reply. I am so sick of banks running the show. I still want to be fair with them, but USBank had all the time and opportunity to make things right. Stay as far away from them as you can.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112009-02-20T23:24:07.941-05:00On OctomomMy personal opinion? She messed up. But come on folks. Nobody has a cow about the welfare mom who keeps popping out kids just to get a bigger check so shut up and deal. At least this woman is having kids cause she loves kids. I have actually heard welfare moms say they needed to have another kid so they could get enough money to get a new car. If you aren't going to do anything about them, then leave this woman alone as well. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up when I hear even conservative talk shows talking about taking away this woman's babies and reporting her to child protection agencies. Hellooooooo, it ain't any of your business!
Just wanted to get that off my chest.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102009-02-15T17:21:33.893-05:00The Devil Made Me Do It.I'm going about my business and realize I'm eating something I know I shouldn't. Didn't even think about whether or not to pick it up. Didn't even think about taking that first bite, but here I am three fourths the way through it and I'm going to regret it later. Was it habit? Impulse? Instinct? What in the world made me do it???? I mean, I might as well have been on auto mode cause I barely remembered picking it up, much less the initial thought to do so.
So, I'm going about my business and realize that I'm thinking these thoughts that I know I shouldn't. Don't even recall what it was that got me on this train of thought. Not sure why I'm even thinking such a thing. I mean the person I'm thinking about is a friend and doesn't deserve those kinds of thoughts. I know that thinking this will only make me angry and miserable. I don't even have anything to base it on. But here I am in a full blown fantasy about getting back at the person. When did I even start thinking about that person? What on earth difference does it make if those thoughts are true or not? Why am I giving time to this AT ALL?
I heard something today. "Recognize your enemy." Yeah. I let him in without even thinking about it. Gotta start working on that.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102009-02-11T23:49:24.453-05:00Random gems is about to become more randomI'm not even going to begin to catch up. All I will say about the last year and a half is that I haven't had a cohesive train of thought in all that time. Who can write when they can't think? But lately, those little snippets of thought that sound literary have been making random appearances in my thoughts again and I need a place to store them. So until they start making sense again, my arbitrary thoughts will be placed here. Perhaps a pattern will develop and I will find myself in them.
That being said...
my mind has gone blank.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112008-06-23T23:14:10.701-04:00Well, well. My blog's still here.I must admit that I am surprised. I figured I was sent into some cyber worm hole along with my first attempt at making a web page eons ago. Life has sure put me through some changes since I last wrote. My oldest child moved away, the next one graduated and is getting ready to go off to college (in case you didn't catch that, I'm losing TWO children from the nest this year-an unfair occurance as far as I'm concerned), the next two both are working now, and the last one has played on 5 different softball teams, some of them at the same time. I am resigned to having to work probably the rest of my life...well, I'm still hopeful that it won't be quite that long, but saddened that I won't get to spend the rest of my babies time at home with them.
I am a bit more jaded with life and faith than I was and I was already pretty well falling off. I still believe in and love the Lord, but I just don't
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102007-10-31T23:51:18.248-05:00VentingI worked today. It's Halloween. We don't really celebrate "Halloween" but we do a movie and junk food night. I missed most of it because I had to work.
I need to work. I hate to work. Not really "work" but my time belonging to a company. I am missing things. My kids are growing. My heart is here. At home. With my family.
Husband wanted me to work in the first place. Husband refuses to try to find a higher paying job even though the job he is currently at, not only reduced his pay two years ago, but will not increase it now. I am bitterly resentful.
Yet, I know he works hard. I know I am not the first woman to have to work. There are many out there who would have LOVED to be at home for as long as I was. I know I am being selfish.
And, I AM losing weight. Being on my feet all day and all the walking I do is helping me to lose weight.
But again, I also hate the immature drama that goes on at work. All the bickering and talking behind each other's back. I am trying so hard not to be pulled into it, but the truth is that I like ALL of my coworkers and they know I am a good listener, so they talk. Way more than I want to hear most of the time. I tell them I will not take sides, but I also will not tell what they have said. Yet they still try to sway me.
Some days, I love it there. But the idea of the next 6 days being spent there is killing me. Just 3 days a week please. That's all I need, that's all I want. I feel so bad for ladies who have to leave their babies in the care of another to go off to thier jobs.
I am conflicted. My job doesn't even pay that much after I have spent all the extra money that eating out and convenience food costs since I am no longer here to cook. I know, make the kids do it, but while they can cook, I wouldn't want to expect them to have to plan, cook, and clean up after an entire meal. They aren't ready for that, or they are working during that time themselves. My middle daughter is capable, but she has so much homework!!!
Then there's my husband who can't seem to prioritized anything. I have business taxes that were due 2 months ago! He won't let me take them to an accountant, that costs too much, but he won't sit down and do them. The weedeater is broken. He has the part, but he won't fix it. The yard looks awful. Doesn't he have any pride? When something needs to be done in the house, he sits on the computer and yells at the kids to do it. They aren't going to do it right without supervision! I went to put up a rack for potholders the other day and to find tools to put up a new mailbox. I knew he wouldn't do it. But his tools are all out and scattered and I can't find them! He has a really nice cordless drill/screwdriver and I can't find a single bit for it. He has no clue where they are. He won't put stuff away and he just lets the kids get into them and doesn't check to see if they are putting them away. He has always been a procrastinator, but this is the worst! I don't feel I can say anything to him for becoming a nag, but DEAR GOD!!!! Why won't he MOVE!!! he is always either on the softball field or on the computer! To top all this off, he seems to have been growing gasier lately too. I almost wonder if he just doesn't try to hold it back anymore or hide it, but lately he is just downright gross!
To top all of this off, God keeps dealing with me about respecting him. Forgive me if I am the only one that sees the irony in this. I just want to kick him right now! Respect?!?!?!
In his defense, he is a good man and he works long hard hours at his job. He is more faithful than a labrador (to be truthful, I see him as being a bit too naive to be anything but faithful). He never raises his voice to me nor fights. He is decent to his kids with the exception of passing the buck to them and yelling at them instead of at me. (not very often, usually he just ignores them when they really need to be corrected.)
Why is this happening? I am trying to be a good wife and help him with the finances, but he has changed since I have gone back to work.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102007-10-17T14:24:23.051-04:00Last night in San Antonio and going home
Our last Margaritas on Riverwalk
Saying goodbye to our favorite hangout-The Republic of Texas-where they knew us by name by the time we left and we even hugged the hostess as we said goodbye. A special hello to Polo who took our picture on the first night!
We took a ride in one of the carraiges on our last night. The driver took our picture and cut off the horse's head. The horse's name was Marshmallow.
The sun setting over a lit up Tennessee town as seen from our plane on our way home.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102007-10-04T14:20:05.601-04:00BelovedLara grew up in a home that was broken. She could remember the night that her father told her mother he wanted a divorce. At the age of 9, she didn't know that's what was being said at the time, but she understood enough that it was a significant night that she remembered it in vivid detail. So her father left and remarried leaving her and her mother to fend for themselves. Between alternately hating her father so much that she wanted nothing to do with him, and loving him so much she frightened him away, Lora grew up without her dad. He had another family complete with a daughter the same age as her. But Lara's mother was good to teach her about the love of a heavenly Father and in Him she found solace and peace.
As a teenager, men were a mystery to her. She had a good head on her shoulders, loved Jesus and had committed her life and future to His will, till the mystery of men prevailed. One young man, wrapped her around his finger and unwound her ideals. He promised to love her is she would only give him what she wanted.
It all happened so fast. In one evening, she lost her virginity, her faith, and her love. At first she cried and pleaded to the boy, but her pleas fell on deaf ears. Self hatred and rebellion took over and she soon found what she thought had been ripped away could be had in the arms of another and another and another.... Each time, hope was built and crushed. She quickly learned not to trust men, but became fast addicted to the emotional rush of sex. Lara had been conquered, but she quickly learned to be the conquerer.
Lara spent the last year of high school pregnant. At the end of her senior year, she gave up her daughter to another couple who was unable to have children just in time for graduation. Still the hunger was there for the love of a man and love was by then equated with sex. All through college the hunger drove her. But still she remembered the perfect love that only Jesus could give. She yearned for it, but could no longer ignore the fleshly desires that were raging in her.
Lara had another child, married, divorced, and returned to the habit of feeding the hunger. After years of this, death was becomming a beckoning lover. Thoughts of a suicidal escape were weighing heavily on her. Remembering her First Love, she began to earnestly seek God and plead with Him for a way out. He began to pull her heartstrings and put people in her path to remind her of His love and to point the way. Finally committing to His love once again, she embraced the life she had left before, one of following God's will.
Now Lara new that there would be no earthly love for her. She had a daughter and a sordid past. No Godly man would want her, she would have no other. She resigned herself to seeking Jesus to be a husband to her. But Jesus in his infinite mercy, sent her heart's desire-a man who REALLY loved her. In their human way, they didn't go about it ALL right, but they realized that God had brought them together and married.
Years and five children later, Lara and her love lived the perfect life. Lara was fully active in church and homeschool, while her husband worked and went to school. Lara felt complete. She knew Jesus on an intimate level and loved Him deeply. Her past life haunted her and she never felt good enough for her husband, but she KNEW grace and mercy and was grateful for it.
This was her idyllic life for nearly 10 years. Then, one day, on the computer in a Christian chat room, the hunger was awakened. She began to realize how much her husband was away. She was lonely for him, and here was another man, though on the computer, available to her, talking to her, emotionally drawing her. The computer man realizing that he was doing wrong, went away. It was no longer enough. Lara had to find another, but in Christian chat rooms, they weren't readily available. So Lara began to go into adult chat rooms. Finding all the attention she could ever want, as long as she talked dirty to them, she was hooked. Chat rooms turned to private messaging, and talk of sex turned to pictures of sex. Lara had a new addiction. Men would show her pictures and tell her that's what they wanted to do with her. She could easily place herself in the image. The image itself was not important. It was the imagery in her mind of recieving that kind of attention that fed her hunger. Words would have done the same, but images were a quicker high.
Lara found herself connected to one man in particular over and over again and eventually exclusively. He feeded her high with the most determination. She went to him like a druggie goes to a dealer and he never let her down. He always had a new high for her. When "playboy" wasn't good enough anymore, he gave her "Penthouse". With each numbing of the senses, he knew just what would make her high again without shocking her to the point of waking her from her porn induced stupor. She felt like she was caught in a downward spiral, being sucked into an ever darkening, looming pit. When Lara was on the computer, she was lost in world of flesh. When she was off the computer, she was struggling with right and wrong. She would go for walks to think and end up running as if she could get away from her thoughts. Her kids practically fended for themselves. She put them back into school beacuse she could no longer focus on anything besides the addiction. She began to drop her kids off at church so she could run home and nurse her high. Friends could see there was something different, that she was acting odd. Lara's mind was always back at the computer even when she was away. Her conversations were stunted and she was forgetful.
She told no one what she was doing. No one. Who could she tell? Who would not turn away in disgust? She knew she had a problem, but in the beginning days of the internet,who knew a woman could be addicted to pornography? Who would not see that as sick and depraved?
By the time plans were made to meet the computer man, she had already sunken into depravity. There was nothing left that was off limits, no taboo had been left unexplored and to top it off, Lara had discovered that this man would kill her in order to satisfy his own hunger. This thought did not even frighten her. She welcomed it. She even goaded him. "I only ask that you let me be found and that I be found decent" she told him. She didn't want her family to keep worrying about her, but it would end the insatiable hunger that she now knew could NEVER be satisfied. All the while, while being unable to stop it herself, feeling driven to do what she knew she should not do, she would pray "God get me out of this"
The week before she was to meet the computer man. She tried to clean up the messages on her computer as she always did after talking to him about all the taboos they were about to break, but she could not access the log. She tried every day so that her husband would not find what she had said or the pictures she had seen. After the 3rd day, of not being able to delete her logs, she was worried, but figured that the things said were so indecent, her husband would question her if he had seen them. The night before she was to meet the man, she logged off and tried to delete the days messages again. It frustrated her, but she had tomorrow to look forward to...and worry about.
As she headed toward her bedroom to get some sleep, Lara could not shake the thought that she would be the next rape/torture/murder headline by the end of the week. The thought made her shudder, yet was somehow comforting. Even as she thought it, she knew that the comfort was a horrible thing to feel. "God get me out of this.!"
She climbed into bed and all was quiet except for her thoughts. After a few minutes, Lara's husband turned over and whispered, "I know what you're planning to do. I found your messages and...I was shocked" and with those words, Lara's mind exploded into a million different thought processes in an effort to come up with a reply. As different excused screamed through her brain she wanted to seethe "I don't know what you're talking about!" But above the din of her racing mind she quietly heard a small voice, "you asked Me for a way out." All the other possible replies came to a screeching halt as Lara's mind embraced this voice. She was presented with a choice and as soon as she heard the words, the decision had been made-almost as if a light had come on with the words themselves. A rush of relief washed over her and she let out an audible sigh.
"I don't want to."
Tears and shame followed, even though she'd never physically been unfaithful, in her mind the acts were as vivid as if she had. There was no difference to her. The next few days, her husband also made a choice. He became her protector, her guardian, her savior, her Hosea. She fought the urge to contact the man and failed over and over again, but each time, her husband intervened and restored her. Still never a physical encounter, Lara carried the guilt just the same.
Eventually, her husband trusted her again even though it would be several years before she could finally say she deserved it. She had no one to turn to but God, for in the early days of the internet, there was no help for a woman with the kinds of addictions Lara had. But turn to God she did, and even though she fell over and over again, She overcame and once again enjoyed the love of her husband. Now Lara, understands grace and has compassion for any who are in bondage to sin and addiction.
Through it all, Lara always felt that Jesus was trying to pull her back. She could even hear Him call to her, "My beloved". She knew his voice and tried to run and hide her face from it, much as Adam and Eve tried to do. Still she would hear Him call, "come away, My beloved. She wanted to "come", yet always felt drawn, pulled, even bound to the sin. She would cry out Paul's words, "why do I do the things I don't want to do and not do the things I WANT to do?"
Lara is God's creation, His work, His love, and He understands all she has endured and submitted herself to. He loved her through it all and though there will be many who will never understand, and may never forgive, she is still His beloved.
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996142007-10-04T11:00:35.183-04:00RainIt just rained. For about 5 seconds. I can count on one hand how many measurable rainfalls we have had since July 1st. Exactly 2. Now in Tennessee, we have water. Lakes, rivers, creeks, just about everywhere you go there is a body of water. In the summer here, it's nothing for the humidity to be at 90-something percent. On top of that, we often push or exceed the 100 degree mark for a few days. And it rains and storms at least once a week, often violently.
This year we had next to nothing humidity and 104-110 degree weather for nearly a month. Here it is Oct. and we are still reaching nearly 90 degrees, and the humidity is creeping back up. So it is still hot, Hot, HOT! This was the driest, hottest summer on record and it has been very disconcerting.
I do believe in Global Warming, but not as the Al Gore's (who claims Tennessee as his home, but honestly never really lived here till after he LOST the election. Let's just say that Tennessee never claimed HIM. He lost in his own state. If I'm not mistaken, that's the first time that's ever happened. Feel free to correct me if you must.)of the world believe in it.
God never promised us that the earth would last, in fact, he did just the opposite and guaranteed us that the world would deteriorate. Matthew 24:7, Mark 13:8, and Luke 21:11 all make mention of famines in the end days. Revelation can leave you feeling that the world will turn itself inside out (my translation) in the last days. It WILL happen. Whether humans cause this chain of events or not doesn't make any difference. God was the One who set it all into motion. Perhaps our use of fossil fuels was God's plan to bring it about. I don't know. I am not going to advocate being a bad steward for what we have been given, but you have to use common sense with the issue as well. It would take a catastrophic event to back things up to the point where we aren't using cars and leaving as big a carbon footprint as we do now, any longer. I don't hold my breath for that, but it's not going to surprise me if it happens. I keep hearing the song "It's the end of the world as we know it" growing louder and louder. If the thought of this frightens you...comment me. I can hook you up with Someone who will comfort you.
It's the end of the world as we know it. It's the end of the world as we know it. It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine! Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112007-09-10T09:50:34.716-04:00Life and suchI miss my blog. I miss my blog buddies. But I'm a working girl now and just don't have as much time for it all. So I thought as a journal/let anyone know who cares entry, I would list all that I am trying to keep up with at this point in my life. If you are one of the "anyone who cares" group. E-mail me and let me know what's going on in your life. joy at meadefamily dot us. Of course replace the "at" and the "dot" with the symbols. :-)
My Life as of Sept. 2007:
Working full time while employed "part time" at THD
Homeschooling 2 of my 5 children
still hostessing scrapbook night at church once a month
about to start a new camera club at church
shooting video every Sunday morning that I can at church
pushing a very toddling photography business to its feet
keeping house (HA!)
keeping up with laundry (oh shoot, I forgot to start a load this morning!)
Missing my 3 older kids who I don't get to see much anymore
getting ready to move my mother, possibly into my house
That's all I can think of right now, I gotta go start that load of laundry!
Love ya'll!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122007-07-28T15:15:17.278-04:00Now this is a Super Sweet SixteenAnd I had lots of friends help so it didn't cost the thousands of dollars like those one on MTV's "My Super Sweet 16". But this is a huge reason why I have been so silent lately. Her birthday is really on the 31st, but we had the party last night. Lots of dancing. Lots of music. So much fun! We had several of the guests tell us it was the best birthday party they'd ever been to. I thought sure the "semi-formal" tag on the invitation would slow the attendance, but everybody really got into shopping for their clothes and there were so many good sales on party dresses. A couple of the girls said they got their dresses for $8! The prom dress my daughter wore was on $60! Everyone had a great time and I didn't cry. I thought I would. She really was beautiful though.
I think a large part of it is that while God moved so strongly in me last year. I grew so fast and I think in some ways I was over exuberant. I wondered if I did something to blackball myself, but in some very exciting places that I was figuring I would get involved, I ended up feeling like I got the cold shoulder.
Anyway, I couldn't sleep tonight thinking about it all. It's so late that I'm not sure I could possibly organize my thoughts enough to make sense. All the passion I had last year is gone and I wonder if I didn't over do. I try not to place blame, but the only thing I can think of that I may have done...it's embarassing, but I wonder if in my exuberance, I made an ass of myself. I honestly don't know.
All I know is that an organization that I had hoped to get fully involved with had welcomed me with open arms, but later started dropping me off e-mail newsletters and announcements, stopped calling, even put me off after I did a mass mailing for them and offered to do it the next time. They would say, "we'll call you" and never did. I don't think I did anything wrong. No one indicated that I had done anything wrong, but the last few times I was around I had the feeling that I was on the outside. Like everyond else knew what was going on. Eventually I didn't hear from any of them anymore.
I also had thought that another opportunity was opening up closer to home-more with my home church, but I felt like the thought there was that they didn't want to single out any individual issue, but rather address ALL needs collectively. I just don't know. Why did God lead me where He did and light such a fire in me just to have it doused?
I have moved on, but still I wonder. Moving on has meant that basically, I do nothing. I help out at church, but the passion for it isn't there. I am willing to do whatever is necessary, but I don't have a desire to do anything.
Dry, parched, desert-like. I don't feel that I am far from God or even stagnant for that matter. I just feel dried up and withering like my plants outside.
Speaking of my plants, we need rain bad. I've never seen it go so long without rain in Tennessee and I've lived here all my life. I need rain in my life too. I seem to recall an old chorus that went:
Send down the rain, Lord!
Send down the rain, Lord!
Send down the latter rain!
As a young mom, I remember the fire and passion I had for being a wife and mom. My children are nearly grown now and I seem to have lost what my life was about. I am detached from life. I sleep through life. Maybe it's the diabetes talking, but truthfully, I would rather life end now that live it like this. No quality, No attachment. Dry. Truly this is a late night rant. I will feel better in the morning. But do pray for rain. Both physical and spiritual.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132007-07-13T03:32:44.621-04:00Know that you aren't raising boys, your raising men.18 years ago, I had the easiest of all of my births, but began the toughest job of my life. My oldest son was born and I began to raise a man.
I think one of the most profound of God's creation is a man. If you watch them closely, you can see that under their tough exterior is a little boy that wants love and affection and likes to play, but when it comes to having to make a stand to protect what he holds dear, he will fight to the death to do so. He can be fearful of many things and yet shove it aside to do what needs to be done. He can be oh so tender, yet put all emotion aside to get the job done. Yes, women bash men alot, I am so guilty myself, but let me remind you that you bash the very thing that little boy will become...and what God says was made in His image. Keep the latter in mind when dealing with that young boy in your care.
This slide show was meant to be funny and a little embarrassing for my son, but truthfully, I get misty-eyed over it because this little stinker in these pictures is now 6'1" and 228 lbs. Yeah, I miss him being small enough to hold. But I miss even more, him wanting to be held.
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102007-07-09T23:57:03.650-04:00As graceful as any ballerinaand as fierce as any boy. There is no question what her passion is. I love the look of concentration, the way every facial muscle is focused on the effort. It takes 1/7 of a second for her to make that full windmill. Already she has accomplished way more than I.
Tonight. Tonight, I made a music video. I got to run a camera for a production crew doing a dance video. So much fun! The easiest money I ever made! And the most satisfying. Thank You, God for that opportunity. It was so much fun!!!! Thank You, thank You, thank You!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122007-06-08T23:28:08.326-04:00Wednesday Night, Starbucks, San Antonio, and Sarah:-)
I got to meet my first blog buddy, Sarah. You can read more about her by clicking on her link in my blogroll.
I had a GREAT time, Sarah! [WAVES]
These are my contributions to the fun. The horse was my tribute to Barbaro since it was almost a year to the day when he won the Kentucky Derby.
Can you tell how wet everything was after the downpour we had? Sand was sticking to EVERYthing.
We were really only about 10 ft from him, but it looks farther here.
!...and he yawned.
Obviously we weren't bothering him.
This was the bay side looking toward the port of Panama City. The limb looked a little like a creepy hand in the water.
Grace
Gratitude
Performing
Gratitude
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102007-05-26T23:48:36.725-04:00Photo shoot
This is my daughter and her friend.
My daughter is about to turn 16 and we are wanting to throw her a party with Tiffany blue, silver and pearl white for the colors. Anyone know where we can find Tiffany blue balloons?
We have some of the BEST, I mean the ABSOLUTE BEST music here. If it isn't native to here, we ship it in. But there is an awful lot of native. Which is the subject of an entire post in itself.
But for now I want to tell you about two things in particular: The Ryman auditorium and the concert I saw there last night.
The Ryman...wow, where to start. It's truly a legend in itself. It was built in 1892 as a church! It was called the Union Gospel Tabernacle and it seated less than 3800 people. With the addition of the Confederate Gallery (balcony) in 1897 its capacity was increased to 6000. Shortly after Captain Ryman (the man who had it built) died, it was renamed in his honor and became the venue for many lectures and shows throughout the years. In the 1940's, the Grand Old Opry moved in and made the Ryman its home. There it remained till 1974 when the Opry moved to its new home-the Grand Old Opry House where it remains to this day. I remember hearing talk of the Ryman when I was young and how it had fallen into disrepair and the subsequent renovations that took many years.
Today it is beautiful and it remains a wonder. Even with the addition of the balcony, there is NO bad seat in the auditorium. It is said to have the second best acoustics in the world, surpassed only by the concert hall that is home to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir! Absolutely, any concert you attend there will astound you at the amazing quality of the sound anywhere you stand.
The Ryman is, for the music lover, a jewel venue. And last night, my wonderful oldest child, Megan, took me there for the Seal concert. This was my mother's day gift. Now I love his voice no matter what, but WOW. I don't have words. It was amazing. Top it off with time alone with my oldest daughter, a few reminiscent moments (like realizing that my baby was driving ME around downtown Nashville and learning that she likes the same music I liked when I was young and free of responsibility much like her). I mean if riding around downtown with the windows down and Kansas blaring out of your speakers doesn't bring back memories, then you haven't lived! We enjoyed a glass of wine at Olive Garden TOGETHER (before you teetotalers have a fit, one thing my daughter and I do have in common is a love for good food and good wine. But we both partake in MODERATION) along with that sinful black tie cheesecake and afterwards went to the Starbucks on West End and had a cup of coffee on the patio. We had a WONDERFUL evening. (Megan, I had a really GREAT time, thank you!)
We also discovered a new artist we like. Shane Alexander.
Now, this is a shameless plug for this guy, but before you blow rasberries at me, let me tell you this. I have grown up in the Nashville area. Spent my life here. I've been around "stars" and wannabe stars ALL MY LIFE. (That could be another blog post about the benefits of living in Nashville. The ability to get to see performers who are just starting out has some wonderful benefits, but occasionally you run into some that when they say they are musicians, you just nod your head and go "okaaaaayyyy".) I DO NOT get gaga over famous people.
Heck, Johnny Cash came into the store where my Daddy worked all the time. Johnny and Barbara Mandrell were "members" of the churches I went to although you didn't see them there very often. (yes, we live in the same town where Johnny Cash lived) My son fished off Lorrie Morgan's deck. Roy Acuff used to go for a walk in the mall in the mornings before it got crowded. Dottie West gave me a starburst. Louise Mandrell got mad at me. I worked at the Crook and Chase show in the late 80's as an intern. Heck, I even got asked for my autograph just because I worked with Lorianne Crook and Charlie Chase! I've seen how people get crazy over anyone famous. I've seen stars make a**es of themselves. I have no desire to fawn over them. If you think for one second how these people have to smile and be nice to people who really do look and sound crazy, you want to avoid appearing like that at all costs. Especially when you have to live around them and deal with them on a daily basis. Besides, I have found that while some of them were genuinely very nice, most are so fake, I really don't want to find out that the ones I do like are the fake ones.
But this guy, Shane Alexander was really good. So I went up and told him, "Hey, I really like your stuff". He thanked me and I made way for the rush of gushers. I don't do that...ever. I just don't think the push through the crowd is worth it to make myself look just like them to a person who is probably already thinking, "these people are nuts!" while wearing a plastered smile. I don't blame them a bit. I really, really, like this guy's music. Go take a listen.
So
Benefit #1: One of the best music venues in the world-The Ryman.
Benefit #2: Getting to see great concerts ANY time-on any given night there is music being played SOMEwhere in Nashville.
Benefit #3: Getting to hear up and coming talent before most everyone else and
Benefit #4: Sometimes, A LOT of times, for free! (the original reason I wanted to write a blog by this title) But not last night.;-)Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122007-05-17T11:41:29.536-04:00Catching upHey out there!
Here is a rundown of what has been going on at the Meade house for the last month.
Amanda's Horse Show-she got one sixth place ribbon out of 10 classes. She did great, but the judges didn't like Kody-he's a little rough looking and she doesn' get a choice in what horse she rides.
Trip to south Alabama/Florida to see family and camp one really wet night on the beach. We brought home half of it in our tent and sleeping bags. But after the storm rolled out, the sky was perfectly clear above us so we went to the beach to look at the stars and watch the rest of the lightning in the distance. Me and my two youngest were the only ones on the beach and we were at St. Andrews. No city lights, but the moon was brilliant and the white sand simply glowed! Absolutely beautiful and majestic. What an incredibly AWESOME God we serve!
Softball season begins again, full swing and now hubby, tired of the politics of the city league is venturing out to start his own tourney team. I don't want to brag, but he is absolutely the BEST coach. The girls all love him and want to be on his team. He has never had any trouble getting parents to help because he is so good with people. This is definately his gifting.
Trip to Huntsville, Alabama to see my 55 YEAR OLD sister graduate from nursing school!!!!! She is a widow and a mother of 6 and SHE DID IT! I am so proud of her! Yes, B, I did tell you age...AGAIN!!!!
Two scrapbook nights at our church that I hostess. I love these times with the ladies and we are really growing! I don't spend as much time preparing for these monthly scrap nights as I would like so I often end up just visiting and helping rather than getting anything done myself. But I love it anyway.
Finally nailing down plans for the road trip I am going on to Austin/San Antonio, Texas the first week of June with my newly graduated sister and our mother. I plan to get to meet blogging buddies for the first time while there. YAAAAAYYYY!!
And last but not least-cramming in as much homeschooling as possible so I can have the kids ready to go back to school next year. Be praying for us. I desperately want to continue until they are ready for high school, but financially I don't think I can continue to expect my husband to bear all of that burden alone any longer. He has to put in so many hours that he can't feasibly take on a second job and we can't afford to go through another cold season/Christmas without more income. Pray that he will find favor with the powers that be at his work and they will finally compensate him for all the extra time he gives them. Salaried positions....I won't say it. I'm sure you know.
Thanks for reading this! Hope it's not another month before I post again. No I plan to post some pics from the last month so it shouldn't be.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102007-04-24T18:58:49.682-04:00How NOT to ride a horseThis is my 15 year old daughter and Kody the mustang. It happened a week ago, but I needed to show it to lead into another post. For the record, I did NOT take these. If I had been there, my camera would be in a thousand pieces as I drop it and run to beat a horse! I don't know who the photographer was, but thank you whoever you are for sharing these! Anyway, the horse decided he wanted to go back to the barn and bolted as she was coming out of a jump. She was fine-didn't even bruise, but was a little sore the next day.
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102007-04-15T13:04:45.673-04:00A love for peopleBeing a Southerner, there are a few things I do when relating to other people that I don't like. One is that I develop opinions about people pretty quick. The other is that I won't tell a person to their face when something about them bothers me. I'm not prone to go talk about them behind their back, but I will instead hold it in a let it fester. You would think that over the years I would have learned my lesson that this is often merely a "PERCIEVED" something that is gettng under my skin, rather than a "REAL" something. I am not a person who dislikes other people, however there are a few that I absolutely dislike. Usually this dislike stems from a "percieved" arrogance on the part of the other person that turns out to be a "real" arrogance that causes my stomach to turn. I just have a really hard time with people who think they are "all that". Now this is where the "South" comes out in me. I do usually tell my husband when I don't like somebody. Not when I am just aggravated with them, but when I really don't like them. I feel bad telling even him this. I know I am supposed to love the other person. It turns out that in the last year, I have run into rather a few of these types and I feel like I am just an opinionated b**** for feeling this way. I have been praying that God would let me see these people through His eyes.
Know what He did? Instead of continuing to see these people and getting angry over their actions, I thought He would let me see through their facade and see what really makes them tick. No, what He did instead was turn my head to see others. For the last couple of days, I have been literally grieving over people who hurt. It has most definately taken the focus off the attitude that was growing in me.
What is astounding me more than the direction this is taking, is that I am seeing that EVERY human has something they ache for or over. We were all raised by imperfect parents, have had dealings with imperfect friends and coworkers, been disciplined by imperfect human authority, and we all have the scars to show for it. I know we all get caught up in our own hurts. To us they are overwhelming and need to be fixed. If there is one thing I have learned in this last year (and this truly has been a LEARNING year for me) is that THE best way to heal our own hurts, is to pour ourselves into other's hurts.
Basically,...SERVE.
I am normally a person that will do for others and do for others, but not really with a sense of serving them so much as like a duty...a job that has to be done. But it really does have a healing quality about it when service is done, even with only an attempt to really care for the one(s) served.
Alot of this introspect has come from a power struggle situation that I myself was being caught up in. I didn't like it, but I could see how wanting to hold onto a certain position was luring me. Then God said "It's not about you, Joy", and started giving me the ability to step back from the situation and see how I was really cutting my own throat by not grooming someone else to help me with the position as well as how it would hurt others who may want to try it. I don't think I can change the minds of the others involved, but maybe I can set the example.
It often seems that the most hurt are the most angry, hateful, and demanding. Don't we all, from time to time, react to pain in ways that can seem harsh to others? It's the old fight or flight mentality.
I'm not the most understanding person. When someone cuts in front of me in the Wal-Mart pharmacy line, I just about want to chew them up and spit them out, but when the cashier is in a bad mood, I now start wondering what happened to her earlier that day that has her so frustrated. I'm sure I will always have times that I get angry, but I am going to continue to ask God to let me see others as He sees them.
In the meantime, did you know that a true Southern Belle can get away with gossip? All she has to do is follow it with "Ah'll pray for theyum." And she can also get away with insulting anyone. All she has to do is follow it with "Bless yore haaahhht"!!!!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996142007-04-15T12:08:19.804-04:00OPR the Movie
I got involved with this organization last year when the tornado went through here. I am so impressed with the whole organization and what they do! Check them out at OperationPhotoRescue.com
So I am slowly working on adding things back. Bear with me while I am under construction. I want to do a bit of HTML work on this eventually. It's not hard to do. I just find it tedious and boring.
Now for the Irony. I am a photographer, who absolutely HATES to be photographed. I tell people all the time to see the beauty in themselves and I can't even do it myself. Stupid? Yes, I know.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122007-04-05T17:41:16.867-04:00Indescribable!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122007-03-27T11:52:05.807-04:00The Most Beautiful Thing in the World**I'm not sure about the ethics of this post. Posting some one's image without permission is normally frowned upon. But you know how we women are. If I asked, they would most definitely say "NO". So at the risk of getting in trouble, I am posting these WITHOUT permission realizing I may have to remove them later on, but I want to make a point and to do so means not telling these ladies right away. Rest assured ladies, my blog has only a few readers so you won't really be seen by many other than yourselves...when I tell you. At the very bottom of this post is a link where you can go to see the rest of the pictures. Also be sure to scroll on down. There are 3 posts in all cause I can't post more than 4 at a time.**
As a photographer, I have grown used to women, when they first see their pictures, saying something along the lines of , "Ewww, I look AWFUL!" It ALWAYS happens in some form or another, it is usually emphatic, and it USED to hurt my feelings. But I have learned that we are our own worst critics and that only someone who is solidly confident in themselves, (which face it ladies, 99% of us are NOT), there eyes automatically zoom in on what they feel their worst trait is.
For this once, I want you to take a good look at yourselves and leave the self criticism behind. There is nothing more beautiful than what God created, than that creation in worship and adoration of the Creator. The look of peace and sometimes rapture comes over you, and of all the things I photograph, this has to be my favorite subject. I know that sometimes, the sound of my camera and the sight of me pointing my camera at you out of the corner of your eye, or even just the feeling that I am there with that dreaded camera, may interrupt your moment, but I try very hard not to be noticed. Sometimes it is inevitable, but it is certainly something I try to avoid. I don't have any desire to interrupt your communion with God. If I can only show you what I see.
Please look at these next three posts and ask your Father to show you what He sees. Imagine how you see your own children when they are loving and reaching out to you. On none of these pictures will you see stress or worry in your face. It is a resemblence of the Father in every face. The hands of the Potter molded ever crease, every line and He loves every one of them. Of course life and the consequences of our sinful world leave there effects there too, but the Potter sees even those imperfections as perfection. They are part of the one He loves.
Remember that the link for the rest is at the bottom of this post. But for now, see yourself as God sees you. Know that you are deeply loved.
You are beautiful beyond compare.
I have to add that you Northeast ladies are the most fun to hang with and I really misjudged my roomies! Sorry Mary, Linda, and Jewell. I was so afraid I was going to keep you guys up and make it hard for you with my rowdiness, but it was you guys who ended up pulling an all nighter with me! Go figure!!! It was a blast!
If you want to veiw the rest of the photos just click
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| Northeast Women's Retreat 2007 |
Mine
My niece's
My middle daughter pulled me out of my funk on Friday and Saturday and MADE me go take pictures of her and her friends. It seemed like it was going to be kind of a lackluster effort, but I did start to get into the swing of it and in spite of the lack of color in our little corner of the world, I think we got a few good shots. Needless to say, I was feeling prettly blah in spite of the few daffodils that were in bloom. I was very happy to have gotten the shots we did. You can see them here and here.
Well today, it was like the whole world started busting out. It stirred something in me and I took my camera for a walk. See if any of these get you in the mood for Spring. Hawthorne, Daffodil, Forsythia, Bradford Pear (even though mine did NOT bloom this year, it is the first GREEN besides the weeds this year.) and Hyacinth are just the few that I found nearby.
Maybe I will get an earlier start tomorrow and find more. I saw some flowering crabapple and Ann Magnolia blooming in some backyards as well! I feel like I have been let out of a cold gray box! This was a short winter for us, but it was a hard one for me for some reason. I was bored with it and ready for it to be over before it even began. It's going to really hurt this year if the weather turns cold again. And seeing that it's only March 13, it very well could do that. Oh yeah, I think I'm going to post some snaps of my youngest and my great nieces here as well. We sure enjoyed the warm weather today!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112007-03-09T23:44:21.956-05:00A warm life lesson.It got into the upper 70's today! Oh how wonderful that felt! We went on a field trip this morning and I drove home with the windows down in our van. I looked horrible when we got home, but it felt SOOOOO good!
This time of year tends to bring back a bit of the rebel in me. The memories that the smells, sounds and warm air tend to bring to mind are of a wilder less inhibited time in my life. One of the tamer of those memories are of skipping college classes to go to the lake to lay out. Part of me feels a bit of that youthful exhuberance, and part of me misses youth terribly.
The life lesson I have from that time of my life is a surprising one. I try to pass it to my kids with an urgency because youth is so short lived. This is it:
Life is too short to be too serious, but life is also too short to have regrets. So take the time to have fun while you are young, but make sure it is the kind of fun you can live with later on.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102007-03-08T15:34:40.228-05:00Spinning my wheelsThere is something about busy-ness that I enjoy. I do well with deadines, but I have to take them in spurts. I am not a person that can do 20 different projects and add more as I go. I can handle 2 or 3 at a time, but I have to take long breaks between spells of busy-ness. I enjoy it while it's going on, butI dry out spiritually during those times. I AM a project oriented person. I don't like mundane daily tasks. I like to have something new and big to work on...for a while. I am as happy as a bee on a daisy when I have 2-3 projects like that going...when there is an end in sight.
Well, I have the projects. I have loved doing them, but I am spiritually dry as a bone. I need some time to recharge. I can't tell you the last time I have been able to sink my teeth into the Word. I wasn't even missing it till I was listening to a friend tell me what God is doing in her life. Then I got jealous.
Oh, how I know I need to be taking time to be with God when the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head. I HATE feeling jealous. But the truth is, that I have been so busy that I haven't allowed God to speak to me. I haven't had the time or energy to pursue our relationship. I hadn't even had the time to notice how long it's been or how badly I missed. it.
So today I am determined to pare down and start remembering who I am. Along with the jealously came the realization that I don't even think about spiritual things as readily as I used to. I find myself being less compassionate and thankful and I don't like that at all. I NEED some time. I NEED to be still. I NEED to know that He is God.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112007-02-22T14:31:25.375-05:00DorthyI found out since my last post that old Dorthy died last winter. I was angry with her when we last parted. Needless to say, I am saddened by this news. Not really surprised, but saddened...and maybe a little bit guilt ridden that we didn't stay in touch.
I can't help but wonder about the time and distance that separate people when they part and never see each other again. It can be such a simple thing, yet so profound. We never know in this life, what impact that moment in time when our lives touch, makes.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122007-02-16T04:31:57.857-05:00Sneezin' and snottin' and doin' round.Imagine, if you can, a little old lady. She has skin that looks like the sun has nearly baked it clean off her face. Her short, curly hair, often not brushed, is mashed up on one side where she was sleeping on it. She honestly looks older than mud. Not to be disrespectful, I really had a soft spot for old Dortha. My kids called her Dorthy cause that's just how they heard it the first time she told us her name.
She had a raspy, old, smoker's voice with a southern drawl that went on forever. She called me "Jo" and she could never remember my husband's name either. She was drunk half the time and always had a cigarette hanging from her mouth. She would bring food over that even tasted like cigarette smoke cause she smoked so much in her house.
This was the one of our neighbors we have had over the years. I make her out to sound horrible, and in reality, she was, but we made nice most of the time and when she was sober, I really enjoyed her company. When she was drunk, she would lie and steal from her own kin. She certainly did from us. One time, she hollered across the street to my son who was probably only about 7 at the time "I wayer the same kiiiind of uhhhnderwayer as yooooooo! Loouuuk!" and proceeded to undo and lower her pants to reveal men's underwear!
It wasn't that we weren't grateful that she shared her food with us. She was always cooking up something and since it was just her, would have all kinds of leftovers. She wasn't dirty or anything, I trusted her food and she was a good cook, I even used some of her recipes, but if it had been in her house, it tasted like cigarettes. We just couldn't eat it.
She could be very sweet and I spent many hours sitting on her front porch with her, talking and watching all the neighborhood kids running up and down the street. I even took her out for her 80th birthday to a Mexican restaurant and had them put the big sombrero on her and sing to her. Oh she loved that. And boy did she flirt with the little Mexican boys who waited on us!
It was she who coined the phrase I used as the title for this post. Whenever she was sick with even the slightest sniffle, I would ask how she was and she would say, "oh aaahhhm just sneaaaazin' an snaahhtin' an doin' round." My kids would get so tickled at her use of the word "snot".
Well, Old Dorthy is the source of this Russell story. She called me over one day and regaled me with some heretofore unknown tales of the Russell. This is what she recounted to me.
Russell as we have established had a mischievous streak. Well, this tendency had begun to show itself in the form of torturing my cats. Now keep in mind, that Russell at the time of these stories was no more than five years old and a) those cats when stretched out, were longer than he was tall and b) cats are well able to defend themselves if they REALLY feel threatened.
Dorthy said that on several occasions she had seen Russell grab one cat or the other under the front arms and drag them, hind feet literally dragging between his legs as he tried to walk, to the street, wait for a car, and try to throw the squirming cat in front of the car. No alarm there. Due to the aforementions size difference and the resulting squirm, cats didn't go very far. But the thought of this little boy with his infamous, felonious grin, attempting to unsuccessfully throw a squirmy cat, left me finding it very hard to be serious about a potentially serious offense. I had to cover my mouth to keep him from seeing the smirk I was trying desperately to control.
Then Dorthy told me that Russell had also taken the cat next door where there was a 5 gallon bucket of water. He then proceeded to feed the cat into the bucket and hold it in the water. How he did it without getting clawed to shreds is beyond me, but again, there was little opportunity for harm considering there was more cat to put in the bucket than there was Russell to put it there. She said he then got tired of fighting the thing and used his foot to reach into the bucket and attempt to hold the cat. It was then that the cat escaped leaving Russell covered in water and giggling hysterically. My smirk was now a snicker.
Dorthy continued her story with her wonderment at how this cute, little, red-headed cherub could be so mean. She said in her down-to-earth, southern way that one day we had just come home from one of our family outings. We often went on excursions to Land Between the Lakes and took picnics. She said my husband was emptying the van and pulled out the cooler. It was full of ice water. He went to dump the water in the grass beside the driveway when he saw the cat lazing in the sun on the front porch. Dorthy said that same felonious grin crossed my husband's face and the entire cooler full of ice water was ceremoniously dumped on my nice, warm, sleeping cat. Dorthy said, "I knooo then where the boyyyy got it." My smirk? My snicker? I knew all too well of what my husband was capable of. He hates my cats. I laughed till I cried.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102007-02-14T17:48:19.732-05:00He came a courtin'
It is exciting when your child reaches new milestones, but it can be frightening and even a bit sad as well. It was with this mixture of emotions as I watched the young man, who is smitten by my daughter, come bearing gifts this afternoon. He wanted to surprise her by having them here before she came home from school.
My youngest daughter and this boy's younger brother also have a "thing" going, but it's different in that the two of them shyly exchanged Valentine's candy through each other's siblings. It's cute, but for them it's just a crush. THIS to me, this was a bold declaration of this boys feelings for my daughter. He was not afraid to approach me about it. It's far different. More serious. Yet still respectful in that he could have avoided her father and I altogether and just given it to her.
We have known how they have felt about each other for some time, and of course, teased them mercilessly. But this was the first outward, open indication of those feelings.Our family does not encourage dating, but we do not lay down a hard fast rule not to either. We have a pretty convincing argument for NOT dating and so far they have all made the choice not to for themselves. We have always felt that if they chose to date, it would be by our rules and certainly not before they are 16. So far, they all have agreed with us that it is foolish to allow your heart to break needlessly and have chosen to keep it friendly, or like a courtship-family always present. This young man's family feels the same, so we are very happy with the maturity with which these two are handling their feelings. His parents helped him pick out his gifts and brought him over to deliver them. We are all very involved. It's sweet to actually get to be a part of it all when most parents are left to wonder what their kids are doing when they are out.
Still, it would be quite interesting if these two and the younger two managed to still like each other when the time comes to be thinking about spouses...! I could think of worse prospects!
Oh yeah, here's her reaction....
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| From Valentine's |
It even looks a bit like a diamond doesn't it?
To put this into perspective, I have to tell you that we are a one income family of 7. There is not any real breathing room in our budget. I have been doing outdoor photography and selling stock photos for about 6 months to try to get my business rolling. My hope was to add equipment as my business grew. But the downside of doing outdoor photography is that when winter sets in, the biz dries up. I dreamed of having my own studio someday, but you know how you tend to temper dreams when the reality doesn't seem to be fleshing those dreams out.
Well, my husband worked an entire weekend during the holidays for a "bonus". We never were even for sure that this "bonus" would materialize or how much it would be. The powers-that-be in the company he works for, tend to "forget" about things like that. Hubby had been dreaming about a new computer that he, as a programmer, is really in desperate need for. The one he has is terribly outdated and slow for his needs. He estimated that he needed around $1500 to build his own system and was really hoping to put his "bonus" toward that. Again, we had no idea how much...or how little...the bonus would be.
I tried to talk him into waiting a little while longer and using whatever money it would be to help pay down debts. But I couldn't argue that he is pretty desperate to upgrade. So I agreed that he should use it for that.
Well, the bonus came today. It was about what we expected, but after taxes, it was going to be tight.
Hubby came home for lunch, kissed me, handed me a box and said "Happy Anniversary". Our anniversary was 2 weeks ago and we had agreed not to get each other anything because of the money situation. Inside the box was the first of a set of studio lights! He bought the whole set-up for me! Two lights, stands, and umbrellas! My daughter told me he had been planning this for weeks, but telling me he was going to get the computer.
I couldn't believe it! I couldn't say anything. I just started to cry. My husband sacrificed the computer he needs for MY dream! He believes in me more than I do myself. And I don't think he could have told me he loves me better if he had bought me diamonds!
Once again, My Love, you have so well illustrated the love of Christ to me. Thank you so much for believing in me and my dreams. I love you, honey!
But the sun is out now and it's already melting at 10 am so it will probably not last the day. Got to go take more pictures!
I feel so cheated.:-PJoy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102007-01-31T15:15:13.022-05:00Snow's Coming to Tennessee!Today is just a day
just like any other.
There are many more to come I think.
Do laundry? No don't bother.
Today is just a day
Few worries with the weather.
It's just too cold to stand beside my kitchen sink.
Better wrap up in a sweater!
Today is just a day.
By the fire is better.
There's a dirty sock, oh it must stink!
Nah, later it will be less wetter.
Today is just a day,
time I can just borrow.
I know I'll get it all done in a wink,
if I just wait till tomorrow.
Today is just a day.
It's cold, but with bright sun
But tomorrow with the kids at home...
won't doing those chores be FUN!
©2006Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132007-01-27T17:23:52.755-05:00A Movie Recommendation
This is by my favorite author, Francine Rivers. Her stories are absolutely awesome! It's a Christian story. Please support it! I think you will find it well worth it. Not to mention that when we support Christian movies, it paves the way for more. While Christian movies in the past have kind of left a little to be desired in quality, they just keep getting better all the time. If the movie industry sees that they have a market, they will put more money into them. This is a wonderful read too. If you get the chance, pick up the book at your local Christian book store (I believe in supporting them too.)
I AM SO EXCITED!
Check out the movie website.
During those years, my husband was going to school and working a full time job in the evenings. Megan (almost 5), Russell (almost 2), and I spent alot of time home alone. I didn't mind. I loved the little house we lived in. It was an older home with a closet turned into a bath. So tiny, yet cozy, comfortable, and, with good neighbors nearby, it felt safe.
It was one of those evenings when my husband was at work. I was getting the kids ready for bed after supper. Megan having just had her bath and in fresh pajamas, was playing in the hallway next to the bathroom as I gave Russell his bath. Since I had a toddler in the tub and didn't want to leave him, I asked Megan to answer the phone when it rang.
Just a minute or two later she came back and resumed her playing like nothing had happened. I asked her about the call.
Now my son, Russell, is named after his dad. He is a "second". My husband, however, went by his middle name to everyone who knew him. All of his school and financial records have him listed as Russell. In his classes, they would call roll and use Russell. He used Russell on all his papers. Being an adult in a class with kids fresh out of high school, there wasn't alot of chuminess going on between him and his classmates. They all knew him as Russell.
So the conversation on the phone went something like this:
Megan-"Hello"
Classmate who missed the homework assignment and was calling to see if my husband had it-"May I speak to Russell?"
Megan-"Mommy's giving him a bath right now."Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102007-01-18T10:37:36.346-05:00Urgent prayer requestI wrote here, the other day, about my namesake, JOY-LOÏS KAJ A KEY born on January 12. She has come down with paludism or malaria. She has been very sick. Please pray for her and her family's ability to pay the hospital bills.
Here is the e-mail I recieved from her father yesterday.
"Let us return glory to God in any thing like us says his word.
How are you my sister?
About us, we are little well. My wife left maternity since Monday, but arrived the night the child had cried too much, and the morning, Tuesday we led her to the hospital (at the maternity), the temperature was of 39.50°c. After the care and the regulation of drugs by the doctor, we returned to the house, but the night again, the child always cried, and this morning, we decided to go in a great medical center of our town, and since 10h of the morning, she is hospitalized and was perfused. She has the paludism, because her mother suffered from it when she was pregnant.
Request for us beloved so that God can give us what it is necessary for us for the care, and that He promptly grants the cure to my beloved daughter and your namesake which I live to suffer while they bored the skin with a needle by the nurses who sought the nerves.
That my God blesses you sister, but let us has the faith, because God likes our good!
I return to the hospital, I left there to seek the money to pay. And I have some to benefit from it to write this mail to you.
I know that this news hurts you, but I exhort you to request for us, and God will listen to us. I will regularly keep you of the evolution at the hospital.
Yours Faithfully,
Jean-Luc KEY"Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132007-01-14T20:12:34.595-05:00The Sacrificial Jeans*In the late summer of 1990, our little family was the family from the song "Front Porch Looking In" by Lonestar. We lived in a little house out in the country with farm land all around us. I loved that little house and sometimes miss those times when we were young and I was an idealistic mom who gardened, canned, hung my clothes on the line to dry, and even sewed! There was something sweet about that time in our lives. It was before all the crud I would go through later that made me basically miss my younger children growing up, much less do all those idealistic, craftsy, homey things I did back then. This story is mostly for me. I want to begin to write out the stories in my head because I am realizing that I am forgetting them. There was a long period of "insanity" (because for all intents and purposes, the things I did really were insane) that took place in my life between that innocent time and the present that has robbed me of many of my stories. It's time to stop procrastinating.*
I had just come home from Wal-Mart and put the bags on my bed. I pulled out the new pair of jeans I had bought for my husband and laid them on the bed so he would see them. Then grabbing the new boxes of dishwasher and laundry detergent, I headed into the other room to put them away.
My oldest daughter, Megan was 5 at the time and had rushed into the living room to watch Sesame Street. Russell, my barely-2-year-old, had occupied himself in front of the tv as well. He would often occupy himself beside his sister as she watched tv even though he wasn't the least bit interested. I took the opportunity of having them settled to start another load of laundry and bring the clothes from the line in.
Everything was quiet except for the sound of the TV and the birds singing outside the open dining room window. I was enjoying being able to fold clothes in peace without having Russell grab things while loudly declaring, "I elp". He would pretend to fold and then drop whatever he had "folded" in the floor to grab another item...or three. I was sitting by the window, humming, folding the clothes on the dining room table, while occasionally staring blissfully at the sunny field outside my window. Daydreaming really. I know. There is no excuse for that!
Somewhere, out of this fog, I realized that an awful lot of time had passed for a two-year-old to be quiet. I walked into the family room to find Megan, still staring blankly at Sesame Street and no Russell. "Where's your brother?" I asked tentatively. Without even looking up from the tv, Megan gave the standard "I dunno".
Now our house was too small for anything to have happened to him without my hearing it, but Russell DID have a penchant for quietly taking things apart. From the time he was old enough to crawl, his father's large collection of Christian tapes were his favorite targets. I can't tell you how many times we found him sitting in piles of unspooled tape getting ready to pull out another long section. We started putting the tapes in cases that locked and any that didn't fit, we kept on top of the stereo. It wasn't long before Russell learned to stack the cases, climb on them, pull himself up and get the unprotected tapes and this was all before he could walk. For some reason he was absolutely enthralled with the ribbon of tape. (See the pictures below)
I was headed down the hall to peek into the rooms to see where he was, when I heard him. He was in my room. When I stepped through the doorway, my jaw hit the floor and I just stood there with my mind trying to wrap around the scene before me.
Having found the Elmer's glue I had just bought, there he was on my bed. My little red-head was bouncing around in circles chanting "uuhuuhuuhuuh" with each bounce. He bounced one complete circle and stopped. Then he squeezed a long stream of glue onto the brand new jeans.
He caught sight of me, in my shocked state, in the doorway In an instant, he was off the bed, past me, and out the doorway, wearing an absolutely felonious grin. There lay my husband's new jeans-sacrificed on the alter of childhood.
*note* This is now known as the "Uuhuuhuuhuuh, Squiiiiirt" story around my house. It is my kids favorite one to tell and hear. The younger ones tell it like they were actually there and they weren't even born yet. "Sweet, little, innocent", redhead, Russell has been the source of MANY such stories. And every one contains the same felonious grin. It has never mattered much that Russell wasn't a bad kid, (Frustrating and mischievious, yes! Bad, no!) it was just that no matter WHAT he did, he always got CAUGHT! (everyone remembers the redhead, whether he was actually in on the act or not, if he was there, he was always pegged as the guilty one and the fact that he had a tendency to want to find out what would happen if he did ____fill in the blank___ didn't help) Oh yeah, Russell is now 17 and is still giving me stories like this to tell. In fact one of the reasons I'm telling this one and the next few, is to lead up to a more recent one that I want to tell. The pictures are of Russell getting caught about to pull tape and Russell standing on the tape cases. Notice the chin in the second picture!!!! Yes, he was a faaaaaat baby. He was about the same age as the second picture when the story above took place.
Last summer, my e-mail box seemed to have become "spammer's heaven" in that I recieved, on a daily basis, many e-mails with the "I am from a foreign country and need to hide money from the government so give me your account number" scam. I had gotten to the point where I barely looked at them before hitting "delete". There was this one that came, that caught my eye and I just happened to NOT delete it. While this man said he was from a foreign country, he did not say anything about money. I didn't answer right away, in fact, I wasn't going to. But something about that e-mail stayed with me. I read and re-read that e-mail trying to find where the catch was. I just couldn't find it. It sounded like an honest request for friendship from a brother in the Congo. Being ever skeptical, I posted this in a not-so-veiled attempt to speak in a code that would reveal little, yet seek out the sincerity. ( I would make a terrible secret agent!) I didn't want to be rude, but I had literally been inundated with the spam e-mails and wanted to be careful. I was open with my husband about it all since at that time there was the case of the woman near here who killed her youth-pastor husband after having succumbed to those same kinds of scams and gotten caught. (still not sure I understand why she had to kill him, but...???) I certainly didn't want to respond outside of my husband's council, but he didn't seem to have any misgivings either.
I never expected to recieve a reply to that post, but sure enough...the rest is history. Jean Luc Key and I have been e-mailing back and forth ever since. He has proved to be a friend and, oh, such a blessing. We have swapped pictures back and forth of our families and have held each other up in prayer for everything from bus fees for his daughter to go to school, to a crotchety old van that we needed to survive a long trip. During this time, his wife has been carrying his fourth child.
I got an e-mail from him just a few minutes ago that the baby was born yesterday, and they named her after me! Can you believe it! I was so thrilled and honored! My husband was with me as I read it and he and I both laughed for "Joy" and, well...I also shed tears, of course.
So it is with great honor and thankfulness to God-only He could have been the arranger of our meeting-that I announce the birth of JOY-LOÏS KAJ A KEY on Jan. 12th, 2007! Now I just have to learn to pronounce her name:-) Praise the Lord! I am so blessed by this.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132006-12-07T02:29:16.003-05:00Christmas Letter“[All] are justified and made upright and in right standing with God, freely and gratuitously by His grace (His unmerited favor and mercy), through the redemption which is [provided] in Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:24
It took me forty years to grasp that truth about myself. Forty years to fully accept that there is nothing I can do to redeem myself. No amount of guilt, sacrifice, grief, or self-pity could make me any more acceptable to an almighty and perfect God. It wasn’t a visible change of heart nor a “revelation” of any kind. I just realized one day that I didn’t worry about my past anymore. I was no longer dragging junk back to God to fix. I just knew it was done. I knew this in my head, long before I allowed myself to accept it. But after forty years, I understand.
Now as my forty-first year comes to a close, I want to tell you of a new lesson I have learned. 2006 has most definitely been the most revealing year for me. Not that I learned so much in that one year, but that it was a relatively quick lesson. After forty years of learning about grace so that I could accept it myself, I learned this year, just one year, to extend that grace to others.
Many of you know of my trip to Indiana this summer to an Exodus Intl. Conference. And some of you know what led up to it. I won’t go into all of that here, but I will gladly share the story with you. Looking back I realize that even though changes were being wrought in me without my knowing it, all along. It wasn’t that long ago when I would have been on the “boycott this”, “rally against that” bandwagon. I firmly believed that we had a “Christian right” to demand that everyone fall into our moral box. Well, I was shaken like a Christmas globe in those beliefs this year.
First it was a movie (The End of The Spear-if you haven’t seen it, DO, better yet, get the book) and a subsequent boycott, then it was an e-mail box full of encouraging messages, then a man named Richard, a miracle of provision, and a church turned upside down. What a ride. I found myself, at times, preaching about things I didn’t even know I had in me. Afterward I found myself digging into scripture cause I wasn’t sure where the sermon had come from. I was actually afraid I had spoken something I knew nothing about, but it must have been God speaking through me. Not only was it confirmed, but it was like my eyes and heart were bursting open and seeing things for the first time.
All through history, God’s story has been woven together. You can pick up parts of the story here and there and see where they tie in hundreds of years later. For the first four thousand years, everything that happened was to prepare the way and lead up to the birth of Christ. It is fascinating to look at the Bible in that way and to realize that each and every word in it has a purpose. It is so intertwined in God’s plan that sometimes it takes quite a bit of digging to find the connections. But they are there.
In our homeschool studies, we have learned that Bible scholars place the earth around 6000 years. We have seen how the genealogies from different cultures, Kings lists, the table of Nations, and even archeology (though you will never hear about it) all seems to confirm this and even, according to Bishop Ussher, points to an exact date and time of the beginning of earth. We also learned that according to Jewish custom, forty years is a generation. If you think of it that way and do the math, there are only 150 generations of man! Only 50 something generations since the time of Christ! That puts things into a new perspective doesn’t it? The earth really isn’t all that old.
During that time, you don’t see God’s people having the freedom to serve God as freely as we have had in the last 230 years. Never once did Jesus say that to follow him would mean we had a right to anything but persecution. Even in the Old Testament, the followers of God were not guaranteed an easy life. The children of Abraham had to tow the line in order to receive the blessings of God. There was always someone waiting throughout Israel’s history to take advantage of the hand of God being removed. Christians in the New Testament and beyond have always suffered discrimination and outright persecution.
Yet somehow, in the last 230 years, we have gained a sense of entitlement. Instead of Christians being persecuted, we have become the persecutors. While I firmly believe that as Americans, we do have the right to worship who and how we want, as a Christian, I am guaranteed nothing but hatred and mistreatment while on this earth, and yet I see Christians (I am just as guilty as the next) showing hatred and contempt towards the very people Jesus came to save. He said to go and preach the gospel to ALL the world. Not only do we withhold it from those with certain sins, but when did the gospel become a message of damnation and hopelessness, hellfire and brimstone?
Now, we all know that Jesus wasn’t really born on Dec. 25. It’s just a day that was a traditional holiday for the pagan people that the Roman Emperor Constantine put a Christian label on in an effort to make everyone happy while trying to make everyone “Christian”. But it serves to remind us of the sacrifice our Lord, the God of the Universe, made for us. He put on this earthly skin to be like us. He became a man. I can’t begin to fathom that. I can’t grasp what kind of love it took, knowing he would be beaten and brutally put to death, to take on that form and enter this world.
The heavens couldn’t even contain the joy of that event and shouted out in the form of a star. Angels appears to lowly men and shared their joy. What a concert that must have been! I get chills when I hear a human choir, I can only try to imagine what those angels, in all their splendor, must have sounded like. Our Creator, the one who threw the stars in space and with a word, brought our world into existence, became one of us with the sole purpose of spilling his blood! His only reason for doing so…He wants us to be with Him! He loves us that much! None of us deserve to be in the presence of the Almighty God. Not a single one of us! We are all sinners. God does not see one sin greater than another. There is NOTHING we can do to deserve to be with Him. Yet we have that hope. Having accepted the gift of his sacrifice, we will be with Him. No, not everyone will accept His gift, but we were commanded to extend that offer to the world. There is not one sin that makes a person unworthy of the offer. Not one. And the offer stands till the day they die. We should never withhold what we ourselves have been given.
I leave you with one final thought for Christmas.
Share Him with the world!
May you experience the gift of knowing the Savior, and may you be blessed in 2007! We love you all!
And may the Lord come Quickly!
Maran atha!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996142006-11-06T19:23:29.043-05:00Not quite time...Several years ago, I felt the urging of God to tell my story. He even brought a couple of people to me to tell it to. Both of them said, "You have GOT to tell this story!" They went on to say that there was healing in the telling and yeas, each time I told it, I felt I owned it a little less. It was a great feeling. But it is a story of a VERY sensitive nature, so I had to be careful who I shared it with. I knew there would be some that would simply be too shocked to hear it...and some who would be terribly hurt, like my mother and, well, any of my family for that matter. It was such a good feeling to let go of it each time I told it though, that I really did have to make myself wait to tell it and seek God first, so I wouldn't tell it to the wrong people. As it is, I have shared it in it's entirety to exactly 4 people. Three of whom were put in the position of hearing it for accountability reasons, one was to hear it to build trust between us. She learned from it that if I could share that with her, she could talk to me. There are two others who know generalities who are in Spiritual authority over me-both men, and I believe that is the reason they are only to know generalities.
Then there is one who knows the story, the whole story, but without all the gory details. Telling her was a defining moment for me. I really felt that this particular telling of it was preparation for writing it and sharing publicly. The hearer was my oldest daughter. Sharing it opened her eyes to some of the dynamics of our family and gave her a new, deepened respect for her father. Yes, I think it even brought us closer together because I think she felt priviledged to be allowed to hear this information. She was probably the least judgemental of anyone else I had told. No, no one made me feel bad, but I do think their idea of who I am was changed considerably. Actually, when my daughter heard it, it was like a light went on in her mind and she seemed to understand me better as well as some of the events in our family that had never been explained.
I have mentioned here that I had a story-a past-that most people would frown upon. I have mentioned that I have dealt with sin in my younger days as most, but again also in my adult years. I have also mentioned here that I never really saw the second round of this mess coming, nor do I know how or why it happened. Amazingly, each time I have told the story seemed like it was less and less about me. I was removed from the events further and further each time I shared it. Now, I truly can't imagine that it was really ME. I could describe it as dying a little to it each time I told it. It was like cutting it away from myself like cutting the fat away from a piece of meat. It was freeing. Each time it seemed God ordained and felt GOOD to get it out in the open. I was heavy with the thought that sharing it more publicly was coming soon-like a pregnant woman about to give birth. I was excited, but frightened too.
Over the last few weeks, I feel that God has released me from that heaviness. Not that I am never going to tell my story, but not now. It's not quite time. I thank God for holding me back. I was very close to posting it all here. I do believe there are people that need to hear it. I do believe in being transparent. If anyone asks me, I will tell them. But I don't believe that EVERYone can handle it, just like there are some things, that if someone told me they do or did, I would not be able to handle it. (there's not much that can shake me, but I am sure there are some things) I believe to subject them to it could be a stumbling block for them. And I believe God has been speaking to me that not everyone has to know everything. It's the past and I need to release it as such.
So this is where I stand right now. This is what I have been mulling over during the last few days that I haven't posted. There is another topic I will address too that has been rising to the surface over these last few days. I will have to write about that later on though.
For now, be encouraged to know that your past, is just that...YOUR PAST! God does not hold it in His memory any longer and does not require you to either. Perhaps your experiences may minister to someone, but God will let you know when to share and how much. Trust Him. And know grace!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996172006-10-28T12:48:20.376-04:00Family Photo ShootThese may be our last family photos. It's just getting too hard to get everybody together anymore.
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132006-10-28T00:14:25.443-04:00My husband is a happy man!His favorite team...his favorite sport. What a Series!
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-10-25T18:26:53.523-04:00Daddy's girl still.*Disclaimer* This will probably be the saddest post you will ever read of mine. Of all the things I carry with me, this is the source of every dark nook and cranny of my soul. Every hidden secret stems from this one subject and all that is "my story" centers around it. I don't lay blame on anyone for my choices in life, but I do acknowledge the fact that if it weren't for this, the choices I had to make would have been very different. Please do not feel you have to read it. Please do not feel you have to comment. It is simply my effort to put some thoughts into words and round it up with some hopefulness. Today gave me an way to do that.All I remember of my early years was that I was a Daddy's girl. My fondest memories involve sitting in my Daddy's lap, waiting for him to come home to see what he had for me (he was a drugstore pharmacist and would often pick up some little something for me when he had worked those long weekend shifts), and seeing the fish he would bring home from an early morning fishing trip with my brothers. Indeed, I owe my strong stomach to the mornings of watching him clean fish. Unfortunately, it is only strong where fish are concerned. I would also stand on his feet while he held my hands and walked around the house. I was "walking on daddy". He would sit with one leg crossed over the other in the shape of a 4, making a "hole" between his knees and I would slip through the hole behind his paper and knock on it till he let me climb in his lap.
The summer I was 9, I was shuffled off to a friend's house. I didn't know why. After what seemed like weeks, my mother finally came. But she didn't come to take me home. She came to tell me that my Daddy wanted a divorce. Now my mother never said anything bad about my dad to me, so I am sure she did not say it, but my little girl mind heard "your daddy doesn't love us anymore.
I don't want this post to become a total bummer, but in order to get the point across, I will tell you that over the years, my dad left us and eventually married another family. I say it that way because that is how it really was. There was even a girl my age in that new family. Back then there was no joint custody so I rarely saw him after age 12. I was back and forth, even still I am, between loving him so much I couldn't stand it and hating him to the point I wished he were dead. I have forgiven, hated, resented, and forgiven again so many times, that my own kids are confused about how to feel about him. And out of my ache for him to know my feelings, I have been open to anyone who would listen and might could sway him, about those raging emotions. To this day, I honestly believe he had no idea that his choices DEEPLY affected who I was and am. He thinks he did nothing wrong. In fact, he still speaks quite spitefully about my mother and lays the blame at her feet. At one point I wanted to scream "She's not the one who couldn't keep it in her pants!!!" But what's the use? He would just think she had turned me against him.
As an adult of this situation, I have gone from tentatively reaching out to him, desperately wanting him to be MY father and MY children's grandfather, bitterly resenting his "new" daughter (I never even met her till I was nearly 30 so I don't really consider her my step sister, nor her mother my step mother) and her children for having him, to respectfully and obediently trying to honor my father, to finally, slowly, and with much pain, realizing that he is never going to be what I want him to be and deciding to let him be the adult and the parent in the situation. I was going to continue to write occasionally, but it's his responsibility to initiate anything further. There will never be the closure I have always longed for. No, "I'm sorry I hurt you", no "I have always loved you", none of that. I just have to accept that he does not feel or see things that way. I really don't expect him to be around much longer and though I know I will regret it later, I cannot bring myself to think I would attend his funeral. I would not be able to contain my grief and I don't know what all I have bottled up in the name of forgiveness that will come out. But I have truly gotten to the place where I just don't think about him that often.
This morning, I awoke at 5 AM, thinking of my father and fighting tears. A quiet grief was there. I missed him. I had written him a couple of months ago and had heard nothing. He missed my birthday. Not that it was a huge deal, he does most of the time, but it was waying on me. I knew, as I always take those times to pray for whoever is on my heart, that God was moving me to pray for him. So I got up and went about my blogging activities with a prayer on my lips. Reading other blogs pulled me out of my funk and sent me on my way. Everything was fine.
This afternoon, in the mail, I recieved a birthday card from my Daddy. He had accidentally written the wrong zip code on it and it was returned to him. He wrote a short note telling me of the delay and re-sent it. Needless to say, the tears held back for months and even this morning, came. I still love my Daddy.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996172006-10-25T06:58:43.790-04:00Wordless Wednesday-Going, going, gone...did I mention that it was about 45 degrees ?.
For more Wordless Wednesday see 5 Minutes for Mom.
My previous Wordless Wednesdays:
The Grand Scheme of Things.
Gracie
A Prayer Request
Southern Pearls
Enraptured
Concentration
Mantis Meal
Intelligent Design
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17123764608629079961162006-10-24T12:50:52.996-04:00Contest AnnouncementVisit Lessons From the Scrapbook Page for more details.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-10-23T14:39:59.216-04:00Oh how the years go by...It's been a long time since I was overwhelmed by diapers and nursing babies. For 12 long years I had at least one in diapers. Now, one is basically out of the nest and the next is getting ready to fly. My youngest is 10 now. Am I relieved not to have diaper duty and sleepless nights? YES, yes, a resounding yes! Am I no longer overwhlemed? I most definately AM! It's over different things now, but oh yes, it plagues me still.
But above all of that is the nagging sense that I am losing my babies. While I am of course, quite proud of their accomplishments and thoroughly enjoy watching them become young men and women, I can't help but draw inside myself as I watch them and try to remember that sweet little voice, or those chubby little smiles. There isn't a trace of that left in their faces now. It saddens me that I can't remember it. I have pictures. Oh you better believe I have pictures. I have about 30 of those boxes that are specially made to hold pictures-you know the ones that are about shoebox size and are acid free? Not to mention albums galore full of their pictures. I always thought that would suffice. But I find myself grieving that I can't recall it on my own. The images are just not there anymore. I remember them as children, but the details that I loved so are just blurs now. Like a really faded photograph.
Here they are all except for the oldest. Babies no more.
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-10-18T03:30:41.313-04:00Wordless Wednesday-The Grand Scheme Of Things
My soul wells up with Hallelujah's!
For more Wordless Wednesday, visit 5 Minutes For Mom.
My previous Wordless Wednesdays:
Gracie
A Prayer Request
Southern Pearls
Enraptured
Concentration
Mantis Meal
Intelligent Design
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17123764608629079961172006-10-15T23:03:53.673-04:00They grow up too fast.My youngest, my baby, is 10 years old. I don't advocate a girl that young being into boys and I know that there are some out there that are going to think this is terrible. But sometimes, when hormones kick in, young girls get crushes. It isn't anything you can put a stop to. It just happens For anyone who wants to beef about that, just ask yourself if you have ever had an emotion kick in whether you wanted it to or not and if you could easily control it AS AN ADULT. What about that last time someone cut you off on the highway? Did a certain emotion get the best of you? Okay, nuff said.Anyway, she has been hinting around that there was this certain boy...! She hinted at his age, he's about 12. She hinted that he was in our youth group at church. She's hinted that she has played air hockey with him on one of the nights we were helping with the youth, but she has never told me who, and I didn't press her. I know she will tell me in time.
Today, she asked if we had to go back to church next Sunday. Yes of course was our reply and she proceeded to look very glum. I somehow knew it had something to do with that boy, but other than quipping, "boy-trouble?" I didn't push the issue. She said nothing. A few minutes later I had a ball of 10 year old girl curled up beside me. She had turned with her back to me, leaning on me and balled up so no one else could see her pout. I caressed her hair and waiting for her to talk.
Finally, "now I know why they call it a crush." was ever so quietly pouted out. My heart broke. "She's too young to have to deal with these emotions!" my heart cried out to God. "Please protect her tender heart and keep her innocence where her emotions are concerned. It's just too soon."
But like it or not, she has crossed a line. The childlike trust has been broken and she now knows a taste of what a broken heart is like. My poor sweet girl. I ache for her. I am trying to teach her not to give her heart away, but who of us women can remember those first few stirrings over a boy. Could any of us ever imagined a way to curb those feelings, much less put a stop to them? No I don't think I could even do it now, much less when I still had the faith and innocent love of a child. My other girls never really went through this. Oh yeah they had crushes, but they were short lived enough that they didn't experience the rejection. They usually got over the boy first. This one, she is so much like me and I worry for her self image. There SHOULD be nothing there to give her a bad one, but with boys being such a big deal already...SHE'S TEN!!!! It is too soon.
So what is a mom to do? Well, what else do you do for a broken heart? I got her some chocolate.
Hey, don't knock it, it worked!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996142006-10-13T12:29:18.256-04:00What region are you from?This is one of my favorite jokes to tell people who aren't familiar with Southern colloqialisms. Can you read this?
MR Ducks
MR Not
OSAR
CM Wangs
LIB
MR Ducks
If you can read this, you are from the South.
What about this:
Do you know what PSDS are or pocked cah is?
If you do, then you are probably from Boston.
I have heard a few others, but would like to hear from you. What are some of the phonectically spelled sayings from your neck of the woods?
Oh, and in case you DIDN't know, the defined versions of the above are:
Them are ducks. MR Ducks
Them are not. MR Not
Oh yes they are. OSAR
See them Wings? CM WAngs
Well, I'll be. LIB
Them ARE ducks. MR Ducks
Peirced Ears (PSDS) and Parked Car (Pocked Cah)Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-10-13T10:30:36.923-04:00Dan is on his way to the States!Just recieved this from Beverly:
"Okay, the good news first...
Daniel is on his way home!!! We called Germany early this morning and Dan
has been discharged and is on the plane headed for the USA!!! Yea!!! He
will be at Walter Reed sometime this evening.
Because Dan has been taken off of the SI List (seriously injured list), he
will most probably be redirected back to Ft. Bragg, which is his home base.
The Womack Hospital on the base is expecting his arrival sometime Saturday
afternoon. Because it is the weekend, paperwork will not be completed and
filed until Monday morning. Because he may be considered an outpatient, the
military may not transport us, his family, down to see him.
In the midst of all the good news about Dan, there is some frustration on my
part that the timing on things seems to keep us from being able to act on
our impulses to just get down there, wherever "there" may be, to see our
son. I am reminded daily that our timing is not God's timing, nor are we any
more special than all the other servicemen and women who are returning from
the battlefront to their awaiting family members. I am so very grateful that
Dan's wounds have been attended to in such a way that he is healing at a
progressive rate and his outlook is very positive.
The military personnel that we've been in contact with have been wonderfully
supportive of our circumstance. They are working with us as best as
possible "to make all things work together for good" (sound familiar?) :-)
One way or another, we will go down to see Daniel. We just aren't sure how
or when, but we will go.
Heidi is home again from college with the anticipation of seeing her brother
soon. My sister, Karen, who lives with us, will be traveling along with us
as well...She's anxious to see Daniel with the hurt legs and all the
nurses... :-) She thinks Dan is pretty special and having nurses and
doctors take care of him is just icing on the cake for her. :-) You'd have
to know Karen to understand. She's very special to us.
I pray that Dan's plane ride home today will be as comfortable as possible
for him and the other wounded soldiers. Hopefully soon I'll have some
pictures for you of us with Daniel in our arms. Your faithfulness of
prayers is what's sustaining us...
By His Grace,
Bev"Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-10-12T21:39:49.546-04:00Updates on Dan-and a quick church stuff updateI have been so busy the last week and am so behind on everything. I just want to say a quick thing about the meeting with the pastor for the 2 or 3 of you that have been keeping up with that. I can't say much more about that right now (for time's sake) than that it went well and my pastor and the head of the Sight Ministry hit it off real well. I think it is the beginning of something beautiful:-)
Okay, here are the latest reports on Dan Peters. Please continue praying for him. I am just copying the e-mails I have gotten from his mother.
"To Stay or Not to Stay...(Recieved Monday. 10/9)
The title says it all.....Dan's flight home tomorrow has been delayed. It
seems there are mechanical problems with the plane. His new departure date
is Wed....maybe.... I'd like to just jump on a plane and head over there,
but just as sure as I would, then we would cross paths in the air. It's
hard to be patient....
I did talk to Dan this morning. He had just gotten out of OR again. He was
in quite a bit of pain. I'm not sure what procedure they did this
morning...so don't have many details other than he said his right leg was
numb and he was sweating profusely...He sounded very uncomfortable. But the
nurses were there attending to him. I just have to trust that they were able
to stabilize the situation.
Dan did call home a little later and talked to Heidi. I was off getting
medicine for Heidi because she has come down with a double ear infection.
She's been getting worse ever since she got home. Tomorrow she leaves to go
back to school with medicine in hand...What's a mother to do...???
They have transferred Dan's buddy, SSG Robertson (notice his rank...I had it
wrong before...)ooops... He left Germany on Sunday. I'm not sure why they
decided to send them separate... Hopefully they will meet up again in MD.
Somehow I will get him the messages that all of you have been sending.
Hopefully tomorrow will bring better news...By His Grace, Bev"
(Recieved Wed. Oct. 11)
"Well, it¹s Wed. Just got off the phone with Dan. He won¹t be headed home
today. It seems his blood count it too low. Also, his last two toes are not
looking good. Thanks to all of you who are praying for him. It means so much
to him and to us to know that there are others that care. I¹ll update his
progress once I talk to his case manager todayŠ"
Recieved today, Oct. 12)
"Hi Everyone,
Well, yesterday was certainly a trying day...I spent about 6 hours on the
phone with Daniel. We cried, we laughed, we prayed, we talked...He's very
frustrated about being stuck in Germany. I tried to assure him that he is
there for a reason...His faith is being stretched...and we all know that
that can be a good thing. We talked a lot about his walk with Jesus and how
his life has been spared...more than once these last few weeks. All in all,
it was a good day. Wish I could have been by his bedside, but being able to
hear his voice and listen to his stories is the next best thing. Thank you
to the army for making that possible for this momma and son.
He did receive some more units of blood yesterday. He wasn't happy about
getting someone else's blood...he's not a big fan of needles...especially
large ones. ;-) I was told by the nurse that he'd most likely be receiving
some more units today during his procedure this morning. When they wash out
his wounds and do more stitching and repairs, it's only natural that he will
bleed more...and he lost so much in the beginning; his body just hasn't been
able to replenish it to normal yet. They may also take the last two toes
today. The fourth one wasn't looking good at all yesterday and the fifth
one was also completely black. The two broken bones in his leg still have
not been cast. There are too many wounds on the exterior that need
attention. They were finally able to completely close the 6 inch gash on his
upper left thigh (backside) yesterday. All the other ones are still open and
very raw.
He's talking to me about the last events of his journey. Although they are
gruesome details, I'm glad that he is able to voice them. I know that will
be healing to him today as well as down the road. Your prayers are a big
part of that. I've been receiving many encouraging emails and cards for him
and SSG Robertson I can't wait to deliver them.
Dan has been removed from the seriously injured list...although this is a
good thing, it may also delay him coming home as the ones in most urgent
need get priority first. I know that God will bring him home in His perfect
timing.....but it sure is hard to wait. ;-)
By His Grace, Bev"Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-10-11T05:25:56.646-04:00Wordless Wednesday-GracieShe was a silly baby, but now she really fits her name.
For more Wordless Wednesday, visit 5 Minutes for Mom.
My previous Wordless Wednesdays:
A Prayer Request
Southern Pearls
Enraptured
Concentration
Mantis Meal
Intelligent Design
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17123764608629079961152006-10-08T18:22:16.133-04:00Sunday's News-new update on DanBeverly would really like to know who is praying for her son. If you can, jot them off an e-mail to let them know. byhisgrace404@verizon.net She also says that if you want to sent personal messages, she will print them and hand deliver them this week. The following is straight from Beverly:
"We were able to talk to Dan again yesterday. Some good news is that his
buddy that lost his foot in the battle has been moved to Daniel's room. The
plan is for the two of them to be transferred to the states together. I'm
glad they have each other to get through this ordeal. Maybe they won't
focus so much on their own pain. This soldier's name is SPC Robertson.
Please add him to your prayer list. Losing a foot at any age would be
tough. I believe that he is close to Daniel's age (22).
The next good news is that they are scheduled to come stateside on Tuesday.
Barring any other set backs, that means that we should be able to go see him
in Maryland either Wed or Thurs. Yea!
Yesterday, when I talked to Dan he sounded stronger, but did say that his
fourth toe is looking a little grey. However, he still has feeling in it;
so they haven't given up hope on it yet. It sounds like the hospital staff
is doing a wonderful job keeping these young men comfortable. I can't wait
to go see for myself! ;-)
We've been trying all day to get through to him again, but haven't had much
luck. I'm sure weekend staff is more limited than on weekdays. At least
that's my conclusion, anyway. ;-) I will update again when I know something
of significance. ....by the way, I am keeping track of how many of you are
praying for them. I am going to take him a list so he can see just how many
people care about our soldiers....thank you for your gift of prayers. If
you'd like to send a message to him or SPC Robertson, you can email it to me
and I will hand deliver it to them this week.
I've finally created a group listing so that I can send these updates more
efficiently. Because I have added several new names, I'm going to include
some earlier notes that I sent went this ordeal started. So these next few
paragraphs will be repetitious for some of you. Bare with me... For those
of you who are posting these emails, you can cut and paste the new
info....(you probably already new that) ;-)
Dan's Unit Ambushed (Oct 3rd)
> Okay, I think most of you know by now that Dan was injured in a mortar
> attack this past evening. After the initial call from one of the captains,
> we received a call from Dan. What a relief to hear his sweet voice!!! He
> sounded very groggy and was probably still in a little bit of shock. Both
> legs were badly injured. He said he has holes in both legs and his right
> leg and foot are broken. They had to reattach a few of his toes. So there
> is a chance he may loose them. He did have a head injury, but he said he
> didn't think it was bad. He said there was so much blood on his face that
> he thought he was blind. How scary that must have been!
>
> He is being sent to Germany sometime today. I'm not sure how the process
> will go. I'm sure they will re-evaluate his injuries in Germany before they
> decide when he can come home. I will send out another update as I get more
> information.
>
> Please pray for the remaining soldiers in his unit. They were still under
> attack when Dan was evacuated. The Taliban are not letting up. Our
> soldiers need every bit of support that we can give them.
>
> Beverly
>
> PS. Thanks for your many notes of encouragement and prayers
Subject: 10 little toes (Oct.6th)
Hey Everyone,
I just got off the phone with Daniel. First of all, he wanted me to thank
all of you for the many prayers spoken on his behalf. I'm trying to save
all of them so that he can have a glimpse of the number of people that have
been bathing him in prayer.
Second, the procedure that he endured this morning went very well. They
were able to wash out and bandage all of his wounds. I'm still not sure
what exactly they have done to his right foot, but the nurse told me that
all the pins and wires are stable. They cleaned up the area and doused it
with medication and new bandages. The nurse told me that his 5 toes on his
right foot are rosy pink. There's quite a bit of damage to the bone area
where to toes attach themselves to the foot. But for now, everything looks
as it should be.
There are no orders for him to be transported immediately. Dan still thinks
that he will head for the states on Sunday. Where he is coming to is still
not determined for sure. He says one thing and we are told another. I am
just so thankful that he is getting the medical treatment that he needs and
he's got so many prayer warriors covering that and every other detail, too.
My daughter, Heidi, is coming home tonight for her first trip home from
college. I can't wait to hug her! We'll call Dan again tomorrow and let
her talk to him then.
Once again, thank you for your concern and for your prayers. By His Mighty
Hand, Dan's life has been spared.
By His Grace,
Beverly"Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-10-06T14:57:55.950-04:00Ten Little Toes-new update on wounded soldier.This is the latest news from the Peters' about their son. Anyone who wants to link to these stories, please do so. Let's bathe this young man, AND his unit that is still in Afghanistan, in prayer. There is also a really cute picture of Dan as a toddler at this blog. It really puts this into perspecting when you see his little toes when they were just tiny things. Just kinda brings it home a bit more.
Just copy this link to the original post and put it in your post. Thanks so much!
http://randomgems.blogspot.com/2006/10/wordless-wednesday.html
"Hey Everyone,
I just got off the phone with Daniel. First of all, he wanted me to thank
all of you for the many prayers spoken on his behalf. I'm trying to save
all of them so that he can have a glimpse of the number of people that have
been bathing him in prayer.
Second, the procedure that he endured this morning went very well. They
were able to wash out and bandage all of his wounds. I'm still not sure
what exactly they have done to his right foot, but the nurse told me that
all the pins and wires are stable. They cleaned up the area and doused it
with medication and new bandages. The nurse told me that his 5 toes on his
right foot are rosy pink. There's quite a bit of damage to the bone area
where to toes attach themselves to the foot. But for now, everything looks
as it should be.
There are no orders for him to be transported immediately. Dan still thinks
that he will head for the states on Sunday. Where he is coming to is still
not determined for sure. He says one thing and we are told another. I am
just so thankful that he is getting the medical treatment that he needs and
he's got so many prayer warriors covering that and every other detail, too.
My daughter, H, is coming home tonight for her first trip home from
college. I can't wait to hug her! We'll call Dan again tomorrow and let
her talk to him then.
Once again, thank you for your concern and for your prayers. By His Mighty
Hand, Dan's life has been spared.
By His Grace,
Beverly"Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-10-05T23:16:09.856-04:00Update on Dan and a memeSorry to include serious and not so serious in the same post, but I am trying to update and play catch up at the same time.
First, here’s an update on Dan Peters, Sarah Walston’s cousin.
“We were finally able to get through to Daniel tonight. Poor thing...It was
1 am there and he still hasn't been able to rest because of x-rays, blood
draws and his mom and dad tracking him down. ;-) All in all he sounded
good, but tired. He still remembers quite a bit of detail. So that tells
me that the head injury wasn't too bad. Yea!
The doctors will perform a procedure on him in the morning. The purpose is
to take a closer look at the broken bones in his right leg and foot and to
see how the re-attachment of his toes is coming along. I thought he had
said a few toes. As it turns out, it is all 5 toes. They were all severed,
as well as the ball of his right foot. Ouch! The rest of the injuries are
chunks taken out of his legs from the flying shrapnel. Hopefully they will
heal quickly. He said his dog tags have a dent in them! If all goes well
tomorrow, he's thinking that he will head for the states on Sunday. So now
we wait for the diagnosis of his doctors.
I've included a link below that pretty much tells the story of what
happened. Please keep these Canadian families in your prayers as they grieve
for these men.
Again, thanks for your prayers and encouragement. Bev”
The link she sent didn’t work so here’s one to the same story:
http://www.canada.com/topics/news/story.html?id=2d19a6cc-90ae-4356-ab70-c3c224404549&k=13599
_____________________________________________________________________
Now, I am a little late with this one, and I apologize to kpjara at Can You Hear Me Now for missing it the first time around. Kp tagged me with this word meme. Sorry, I was so caught up in the whirlwind here. I am committed to getting all my blog stuff caught up by Monday.
Okay, I’m not sure if I’ve done this right. As I understand it, I am supposed to write what the words mean to me.
Miracle
Dangerous
Obedient
Imagine
Miracle-Life. I have to think that life is the ultimate miracle. I can fathom that anyone could hold a newborn baby in their arms and not believe in miracles.
Dangerous-false doctrine. The first thing that popped into my mind was the scripture about even the very elect being deceived. That is a scary thought. I pray protection from this danger!
Obedient-to die to self. I think of those 5 missionaries in Ecuador, trying to reach a people that everyone else feared, just to save them. I believe with all my heart, they were called to obey and they were obedient unto death. I believe that there are those that this is asked of. It is the ultimate death to self.
Imagine-The first thing that I think of with this word is joy. Great abounding joy. The joy that we will experience when we see him face to face. And even though I know Tam at Time for Twittering used this as well, the song , “I Can Only Imagine” is exactly the words I would use.
And for the bonus, I’m going to do the original 4 words. (drum roll please)
Angel
Twist
Vibrant
Quest
Angel-I have to tell a story with this one. We lived in Murray, KY at the time and were heading to Hendersonville for a reunion. We were on this little 2 lane highway just outside of Clarksville. We passed this side road and I saw an ambulance with lights flashing in the distance on that side road. I didn’t think much more of it other than to watch in the rear view to see which direction it would turn when it got to the highway. I knew it would turn in behind us headed toward Clarksville, but I just kept my eye on it. When it turned onto the highway, it was about a mile behind us. I just casually mentioned to my husband that it was coming up behind him and to watch for it. I didn’t think any more about it. As it passed us, I felt the iciest chill run down my spine as I saw in my mind an angel laying on the top of that ambulance and holding on like he was on the ride of his life. He turned as they passed and looked at me with the most urgent expression I have ever seen, pointed at me and said, “PRAY, there’s a child in here!” All of this happened in my head but the hairs that were standing on end told me that this was for real. I started praying silently, but with a stunned urgency as I continued to stare, wide-eyed, at the ambulance that was now in the distance. Hubby looked over at me and asked “are you okay?” I didn’t know what to say. He’s an ultra-logical person and I don’t think he would’ve believed me if I told him. I DID tell my mom after we got to her house.
Later that night after we were back home, Mom called me and said she caught the tail end of a story on the news about an injured child being taken by ambulance to a Clarksville hospital that morning and was doing well. She didn’t hear what happened that led to it all.
Oh yeah, I’ve had encounters with them.
Twist-This is so unreligious, but the first thing that came to my mind was this Lemon Twist thing I had when I was a kid. It was a plastic tube thing that went over your foot and around your ankle. On the other end of it was a weighted lemon shaped thing that had shakers inside. You slung it around with the foot it was attached to and jumped it with the other. Sort of a skip step. In fifth grade we LOVED those things. EVERYone (girls anyway) had them and we would bring them to school and play with them on the playground. Silly huh?
Vibrant-Ever have those moments when you have to take a deep breath and the air just seems so much sweeter? Just for a second you realize how wonderful life is and you just want to take it all in. The breeze feels wonderful, the sky is a brilliant blue, you seem to “understand” and everything is right with the world. It only lasts for a second before you are back in reality and you can’t recapture that fresh breath of air no matter how hard you try. I truly believe that is the breath of God being breathed into us. And that is what I would call “vibrant”.
Quest-haha A quest is when you step out of the boat. When Jesus says “follow me” or “come” and you do.
But then, Johnny Quest comes to mind as wellJ
Now I tag Cool Mama and Susan with:
Tinker
Coffee
Lavish
Silence
PS Keep praying for Susan’s cousin, Dan.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-10-05T20:43:41.380-04:00pics from Pigeon ForgeWell, from our picnic anyways. We were in Pigeon Forge, but we didn't get out much. Here's hubby with his picnic on our patio. And the bottom pic is THE cake. Chocolate amaretto cake with a hint of cinnamon, and an apricot filling, covered in a dark chocolate glaze and topped with chocolate dipped strawberries!!!!!!! Oh was it good! Oh, and the rose? It's made out of tootsie rolls with a glaze painted on. Cool huh?
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-10-05T16:48:51.630-04:00UpdatesFirst of all, I want to thank everyone who has been praying for the Peters'. Bev (Dan's mom) sent an e-mail last night saying he was being transported to Germany and should have a phone so they can talk to him sometime today.Second, I would like to thank those who have been praying for me as I follow God wherever it is He is leading me. To this point, I am not sure where this is all going yet. I did meet with the Pastor on Tues. He was excited about what I had to say and eager. So now he wants to meet Richard, the head of the Sight Ministry. The Sight Ministry is the Exodus affiliate ministry here that I have been involved with. Part of what I would like to see is for our church to support this ministry. My Pastor seemed very receptive to that and wants to talk to Richard about what kind of structure our own church should be developing as an effort to be prepared for this area of ministry. The Pastor also want to meet with my daughter who started this whole thing to begin with. I wrote earlier about her friend who came out to her in their senior year of high school. Through him she has met and befriended many young gay men. And I began praying for them. Out of those prayers as well as my daughter's witness to them, one of them, the one who was her friend in high school, has decided to leave the lifestyle! Praise God!!!!!! Anyway, he is so afraid of his old church and it is my goal to have a safe place for him to heal and seek God. A place where it is understood that he won't just change overnight, but where there are people willing to accept that and stand with him as he finds freedom. Thank you for your prayers and keep praying, please. First for this young man and the many others that I wish I could name. Second for me, I have to SPEAK about this on Sunday and for the next 2 Sundays after, to a group of youth leaders about the standing firm with compassion and the reality of this among our own youth. Have I mentioned that I am scare to DEATH of public speaking? Yes, it's true! Microphones make me CRY! But back when God first started dealing with me about sharing my own story, He gave me a vision of sharing it publicly. I knew it was coming and I feel this is training for that day. I figure it's easier to speak about something that's not so personal when I am just starting out.
I want to leave you with this. Think about your own church for a minute. I bet you never realized that probably as much as a third of your church members have something to hide. Maybe it's something that happened long ago. But the chances are it is sexual in nature and very painful for them. Now think of this...Who do they have to confide in? Could they come to you? Would you love them enough to help them deal with it and find freedom in Christ? Or would it just be too shocking and make you fearful to be around them?
If they could come to you, how would they know?
The church, in general, is so unprepared to deal with this issues. Why is it that the very place that God intended for us to find healing, is so ill-equipped to help us? This is my mission. I don't know how, and I don't know what, but I believe God has placed it on my heart to see that, at least my own church, has the resources, the training, and the means, to meet the ever growing population of sexually broken people. We are so inundated with it in our society. It's everywhere we look, everywhere we turn. It's no wonder we have people who are "broken" in this area. The internet alone has brought a tremendous flood of an epidemic of people addicted to sex and porn. Yet the church is only now beginning to wake up and pull its head out of the sand on this issue.
I will stop on that note for now. It's time to start chauffeuring my kids for the afternoon. But think about these things for a bit. And keep praying.
Thank you so much!!!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132006-10-04T12:38:47.093-04:00Wordless WednesdayDan Peters was injured in Afghanistan yesterday. His cousin, Sarah Walston, has the info on her blog.
Please visit this link and join with me in prayer for this young man and his unit.
For more Wordless Wednesday, visit 5 Minutes for Mom.
My previous Wordless Wednesdays:
Southern Pearls
Enraptured
Concentration
Mantis Meal
Intelligent DesignJoy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17123764608629079961182006-10-03T13:39:04.213-04:00The long-awaited momentI only have 30 minutes before the moment, so I will have to make this quick. Before I go on, I want to thank those of you who sent wishes to My Man. I relayed them to him and he was very appreciative. He had a very relaxing time this weekend, which is what i was hoping for. I will post a pic or two and tell more later.
Okay, this is where it all began.. I worte more about it here. From that point on, God sent me on a whirlwind journey and I wasn't even sure where I would end up. That journey sent me to another state without my family to see and know His compassion for a people that have been, for the most part, shut out by the church. Now, this journey has mostly been focused on the homosexual community, but through it, I have gained a compassion for anyone in bondage to ANYthing. This trip launched a vision in me for the church. Not just mine, but THE church. Much of the stirrings in my heart were merely confirmed at the Exodus conference and the multitude of God directed moments over the last few months. The vision itself, solidified and cleared over the days and weeks following Exodus. I sent this letter to my pastor and posted it here the week after I went to Exodus. I have been not-so-patiently waiting for a response from my pastor. I know that in the waiting period, the vision God gave me, has grown and the details have been clarified. So even though I did grumble about it, I knew I needed to submit to it.
Well, that moment is here. In 15 minutes, I will sit down with my Pastor and share with him what I feel God has given me to share. I am nervous, but uncannily sure of myself. Nervous in that I know this will eventually involve public speaking. Sure in that I KNOW that this is something God has placed in my heart. The youth pastor has already scheduled me to speak on the topic of homosexuality to the youth leaders beginning next Sunday. Not that I am an authority, but I am the only one who has had any experience whatsoever on the topic due to my daughter's gay friends and my working with the Sight Ministry, as well as the Exodus conference. They know that young people are faced with this earlier and earlier (my son was first faced with someone declaring homosexuality in SEVENTH GRADE). Yes, it's out there folks and if your kids are in public school, they are hearing and learning about it. The sad thing is that at such a tender age, many of them are deciding to identify themselves with it. There are even "fads" or "trends", especially among teenage girls, to be bisexual. Yes, it even has a name-L.U.G.-lesbian until graduation.
How do we deal with this as Christians? So far, we have merely stuck our heads in the sand or thrown stones at it. Neither works. I will write more on this later. Keep me in your prayers cause I am now out of the boat.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996142006-09-29T01:44:59.680-04:00My SupermanThis is my Superman. Scroll to the bottom of this post to see why he's getting so much attention today.
My Superman
My knight in shining armor
My Hosea
He works so hard so I can stay home with our children. Then he comes home and works hard for us. He's our grillmaster, coach, handyman, and he cheers us all on in everything we do. This is my man. God gave him to me and I love him so much. Thank you, Father for this wonderful blessing of a man! You of course picked the perfect one for me.
Today is his birthday and we are off to Pigeon Forge, TN WITHOUT the kids! I made chicken salad, homemade pimento cheese, bought fresh ground whole wheat bread from a friend, and steamed whole green beans for a picnic lunch. For his birthday cake, I had another friend, who is a pastry chef, make a chocolate almond cake with and apricot filling and a dark chocolate glaze over the top. He went the extra mile and covered the top with chocolate dipped strawberries. Top all of this off with a bottle of white zin and we are set. (As good as this all sounds, I don't know if I am doing all of that for myself or for him. LOL)
See you gals next week!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996172006-09-26T22:51:39.376-04:00Wordless Wednesday-Southern Pearls
Posted early because I am going to be away from the computer on Wednesday.
For more Wordless Wednesday see 5 Minutes for Mom
My previous Wordless Wednesdays:
Enraptured
Concentration
Mantis Meal
Intelligent DesignJoy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17123764608629079961212006-09-25T09:53:49.423-04:00In answer to the question, "Do you trust Me?"Before you read this, I have 3 Earthly sources that I want to credit:
- Cool Mama in this post called God Remembers
- Kpjara in this post called Strongtower
- And BibleGateway.com, which is a GREAT source for finding and studying scripture, and is where this post begins.
Bible Gateway.com. Search…"Trust". Results…"See FAITH".
The result of this search was over 3 pages of Instances of Faith in the Bible. 85 all-together.
God has given us so many good faith examples to go by. Abraham trusted God enough to leave his home and go somewhere without really knowing where he was going. Then he trusted God that he would have heirs (although he too tried to take things into his own hands here. I am notorious for doing that). He trusted God when God told him to sacrifice his only son. Jochabed trusted God with Moses life. Rahab, David, Elijah, Daniel…on and on, stories of people who had faith in God. Not just a general faith that God is real, but also a specific trust that God was going to enter the situation.
Time after time, I will be faced with a decision or a dilemma and will not even think to take it to the Lord. Usually it’s my mother that reminds me. Her first question is usually, “Did you pray about it?”
DUUUUH!
Why didn’t I think of that earlier? Come to think of it, why didn’t I think of that FIRST? Why do I even allow myself to worry over anything? God has proven Himself faithful. He never fails to let me see His hand in situations-after the fact. You’d think I would know by now to give things to Him.
But even my mom, who is always asking, “Did you pray about it,” often forgets to go to the Lord from the beginning of a situation. Many of my Christian friends would admit to this too.
Hebrews 11:1 says, “Faith is the substance of things hoped for-the evidence of things not seen.” Look at that chapter. Paul tells what faith is and then lists incidences of faith. He goes on to say that without faith…it…is…IMPOSSIBLE…to please God. Why? Because we have to have faith to even believe that HE IS. The very I AM wants us first and foremost to believe HE IS.
Let me offer you this: to not trust God is to put our faith in something else. In doing so, we have set up an idol-another god-before Him.
Faith, trust, is reliance-confident expectation (dictionary.com). We have a hope of eternal life. Faith gives substance to that by the fact that we have a confident expectation that our hope of eternal life is true. It is the evidence, or reliance, that even though we don’t see it, it exists. The NAS version says Faith is the ASSURANCE of things hoped for, the CONVICTION of things not seen.
You trust gravity when you jump in the air. You don’t see it, but you are assured that when you jump you aren’t going to go flying off into space. You don’t even question it, you just KNOW it-with conviction.
That’s the kind of trust I want to have in God-a pleasing, confident, assured, convicted reliance in the One WHO IS. The knowledge that if the world around me falls apart, He is still in control. NOTHING happens that he doesn’t know about and has already planned for.
In the days to come, there may be much to fear with three bully nations rattling their swords at our country. Be still and hear Him ask, “Will you trust Me?” He will be with us always and we have the ultimate hope to come. I choose to trust Him. When all else fails-and it does-and I am to the point where there is nothing else to do? No! I will trust Him NOW. He NEVER fails. And He has my fate in His hands.
On a related theme: I cannot emphasize enough the importance of journaling. Journaling offers a point of reference and a reminder. Just as the Bible gives us examples of faith, so our journals do on a more personal level. Read Cool Mama's post linked above. Nothing builds your faith more than to be reminded through your own journals that God himself is faithful and trustworthy.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996142006-09-23T17:53:08.546-04:00WowIt's been a long time since I have watched a series on TV other than reruns of MASH and Star Trek. But, WOW! Did anyone see the CBS premier of "Jericho" tonight?
It looks like it's going to be a really good show and Gerald McRaney is in it. I love his down to earth, no nonsense, conservative characters. Looks like he is playing another good one.
Definately a thought provoker and especially after the comments by Chavez and Ahmadinejad about America to the UN, and the radio rumors running rampant these days(they are just that, rumors, been around since 2003 they just seem to be re-running them)
I was starting to get a little fearful. I read an article yesterday about a brother and sister reunited last weekend for the first time since the holocaust. It didn't really have any more of an effect on me other than just that it was a sweet story. But of course the story came back to me with a very different America and my own children as the characters. Along with those thoughts was that I have a son that is 17 and has to sign with the draft next year. So I am sitting there after the show, this train of thought charging into my brain, I'm about to launch into this "God what're we going to do" prayer, when I hear this quiet whisper that somehow rang out above the raging flood in my head, "Do you trust Me?"
Wow.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996162006-09-20T10:37:22.580-04:00Free Blog Design!Wanna get a new blog design for free?!? Go to Bluebird Blogs and enter their "Fall into a Free Blog Design Contest".
You only have to send an email with your name and blog address to bluebirdblogs@gmail.com.
Entries will be accepted from 7:00pm EST on Thursday 9/14/06 until 11:59pm EST on Friday 9/22/06.
If you mention them in your blog, you get 5 more entries!
Winners will be announce Sat. Sept. 23.
Check it out!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-09-23T02:40:51.916-04:00Wordless Wednesday-Enraptured
More Wordless Wednesday at 5 Minutes For Mom
My previous Wordless Wednesdays:
Concentration
Mantis Meal
Intelligent Design
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17123764608629079961182006-09-20T01:28:00.700-04:00Anatomy of a Life ChangeI'm not feeling well today so this is going to be short. I have a need to get this written down but I may have to tie up the loose ends later on. So bear with me.From experience and from the testimonies I heard over this weekend: Many people come to Christ and it doesn't "stick". When this happens, the opportunity for reconcilliation goes quickly down the tubes due to the "fallen" being fearful of what the "faithful" will think or say. There are some solid truths that we who see ourselves as "faithful" would do well to remember. I offer these as a means to foster compassion, not judgmentalism.
Life change, such as a decision for the Lord, is not always good or complete. Sometimes, it can be a person's last ditch effort to connect and they have been told Christianity is the answer to all their problems. With no discipleship these people never learn to show Christ's love and often their expectations, both of their own faith or of those around them, leave them angry, bitter and in a place far from God that is harder to reach than they were in to begin with. Sometimes, life change is a flash in the pan, a show, and even a desperate attempt to grasp hope. Often Christians see them come in, pat them on the back, Go about our merry way, and watch them leave, wondering what happened to them. Salvation is NOT the end. It is imperative to involve new Christians in such a way that they are around people they can learn from. Look at Jesus. He called those disciples and immediately put them to work. Did they mess up? You bet they did, but they learned from their mistakes in a way that would stay with them for the rest of their lives.
Life change is not always visible. Some are seeking God, but have not left their old lifestyle. Their hearts can truly be for God in spite of the fact that they still sin. They can even love Him to the point that they hate what they are doing and may even try to share the knowledge they have even DURING their sin. Our pastor calls it "buzz witnessing" and yes, God is capable of using it. You see, those people Often, it is their perception of what their former friends, both christian and not, think about them that keep them from making a choice one way or another.
Life Change is not always permanent. The old way of life is often more of a draw than a person can withstand. We cannot allow ourselves to be shocked by their stories. We cannot allow ourselves to fall into the trap of thinking that they have to be "changed" to be a Christian. Certainly it will show with time, but it takes just that, TIME, and quite often, MANY FAILURES. We have to be ready to "go get" the ones who fall away and promise to stand with them. We must be there to say, "God has not given up on you!" And we must always remember that in spite of what we think, we are just as capable of falling into the same sin...or worse. ANYONE is capable.
To this last comment I want to add that life change is NOT ONLY not always permanent, but it RARELY is. Few who are left to their own can find their own way and I find it a RARITY indeed when an adult convert does not lose his way and fall over and over again, even with help. How often do we get to a place that we think we will be in for the rest of our lives only to have something come along and shake our little world off it's foundation. I'll add this to shake up the theory even more...I was saved when I was 8. When I was a teen, I rebelled and lived the wild life. In my early 20's I had a very real reconcilliation with God and recommitted my life to God. Then in my early 30's, well, I really don't know what happened, but it wasn't Godly. Was my salvation real? Yes. My heart has always been for the Lord, even in my ugliest moments. Do I expect to remain faithful to Him for the rest of my earthly life? I am much wiser than that now. I do expect to be more on my guard and watch more carefully what I put into my heart and mind. But I know that "there but for the grace of God go I".
Wanna know what called me back?
Grace. Unfathomable, unlimited, beautiful, grace.
The voice of One whispering "Beloved, come away with me," to a woman so stained and filthy that the mere use of the word "Beloved" sent me running out of fear.
A husband, who is my Hosea, who in spite of his own pain came after me and brought me home-to my family and to my God, then took all the blame.
A worship leader who followed the call of God to stop the music and say, "The love of God is so great, that when we sin, he calls us to repent, and we do, and he forgives us and picks us up and we go on our way. Then we fall again, and he calls to us, and we repent, and he forgives us and picks us up and we go on our way. Then we fall again...!" I don't know how many times he said it, but it was from God and it was for me. Each time he said it he built to a crescendo and added, "It doesn't matter HOW MANY TIMES WE FALL! HE IS FAITHFUL AND JUST TO FORGIVE US, ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS REPENT. WILL WE FALL AGAIN? PROBABLY. WILL HE EVER TURN US AWAY? NEVER"
Yes, the time to choose will one day pass, but until that day, our creator longs for us, yearns for us. He will not stop wooing us till the end of our days.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132006-09-20T15:38:08.536-04:00Seeing the Other SideThere are two women in my church who know my story. It's a dark one that will shock most church people although I think that if I wait a couple more years to tell it, it will be mainstream like everything else. No I can say that I pioneered this blackness all on my own with the exception of satan setting me up with very ripe circumstances and a blindsided attack that left me wondering what hit me. To this day I can't explain the things from my past. There are things from my teenage years that I CAN explain now, but for whatever reason, after years of living the conservative, homemaking, raising Godly children, perfect-little-family, mom life, I found myself in a PIT. A deep, black, full-of-despair, turn-my-back-on-God, PIT! Someday, I will tell the story. I know it has to be told, but I don't know when or how. I am a firm believer that you die to bondage a little each time you tell your story and that for every time you tell it, someone else finds freedom. For now, it is too overwhelming a task to even think about.
To be honest, I'm not sure how honest I should be with the whole thing anyway. I know there are those who need to hear the real, raw, nitty-gritty version, but I also know there are those who would merely be shocked and perhaps change their entire opinion of me if they even knew the gist of it.
You would think that with such a dark and foreboding story hanging over me, I would be very understanding of people and oh so slow to judge. But guess what.
I do have a much greater empathy for those with addictions and bondages. I do know what that feels like and how hard it is to overcome. What I do NOT have understanding for is "Christians".
People are so flippant with that word anymore. I tend to refer to people who are genuinely seeking God as "Christ Followers" because of the negative connotation the word "Christian" seems to carry nowadays. I won't go any further with it. You can already see where the judgmentalism comes in to play. I am never surprised when a "sinner" (used as a general term, not as derogatory), sins. My biggest angst is when "Christians" deem "sinners" unworthy of salvation. I'm sure most people would agree that this is a worthy angst, but trust me, it's not. In doing so, I have deemed alot of "Christians" unworthy of salvation. ooooh. That's harsh. Honestly, I didn't realize it in that light till this morning.
In the Nashville area, it is not uncommon to have musicians on a church worship team who are there just to play a gig. They have no interest, in God except to get their talents on display to whatever talent or producer may happen to be in the audience. I have a tendency, when I know this for a fact, to not even be able to participate in the worship for the attitude I get over it. It is horrible. I have seen this as a satanic tool in my life for some time and have learned, not to control it-I'm not that far yet, but to recognize it and immediately pray to God to let me see them through His eyes.
Well today, God answered me with a real eye opening experience. He said, "Look around you. How many people are dealing with secrets? Secrets they can't tell because people like you will judge them. Isn't that what you were afraid of? Can you win any one of these people (including the one up front) to Me with those stones you are casting with your thoughts?"
The Kingdom of God has NEVER been advanced through ideals or even scripture used as stones.
Father,
Help me to see people through Your eyes. Fill me with a love for them that is so overwhelming that I can't help but share it. Remind me, yes even when it hurts, that being a judge is not my job, but yours. I know, Lord that there are even Christians who will disagree with my way of serving You. I just want to be like Jesus and You are so tearing down the sides of the box I have always had Him in. I see now that alot of the "pit" that I walked through was in preparation for this time. And I know that had I not been through it, I would never have allowed You to bust open my box. I would have retreated and found another one. You know this has been a difficult time-learning to trust You while my ideas of faith, worship and love have all been first bashed against the wall, then stripped away and reconfigured. I had always heard of You as a radical, but to really EXPERIENCE it has been something else. Forgive me for judging Your people so harshly. It's not up to me the way they live out their faith and You are most capable of convicting them of the things YOU think are wrong. Just like you do with me. Forgive me specifically for the thoughts about N****** this morning and about J*****. Even now I have to fight to keep from seething just over her name. I KNOW that is not what you would have me to do. Most of the time, I don't even realize I am doing it. I ask you to please catch me every time and remind me to pray for her and to forgive, just as you have forgiven me.
AmenJoy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996152006-09-13T21:58:32.366-04:00Wordless Wednesday-Concentration
For more Wordless Wednesday go to 5 Minutes for Mom
My previous Wordless Wednesdays:
Intelligent Design
Mantis MealJoy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996192006-09-16T22:46:51.553-04:00Belated Grandparent's Day Tribute.I would love to pay tribute to all my grandparents, but I knew my mother's parents best. Due to my parent's separation when I was 10, I don't remember much of my father's parents.
William Sylvester Goff was born in April of 1896. Josephine Constance Ford was born on the same day in April 1900. They married in 1917. He was a coal miner in Kentucky. Together they had five children.
My mom always told me that my grandfather was a hard man, but by the time I knew him, he was as soft as a kitten, having mellowed with age. I often remember him telling stories and tearing up during some of them. He had some of the funniest stories and I wish to this day somebody had thought to write them down. He played music. I remember him hooking up his amplifier and playing for us. He played guitar and had formed a brace out of coat hangers to hold his harmonica (harp as he called it) so he could play both at the same time. I remember my cousins and I kicking up our heels to his tunes after supper. I remember a song called "The Letter Edged in Red", and "The Old Rugged Cross" best. Later in life William developed Parkinson's disease and I always remember him patting me on the back with that trembling hand. Every time we would go to visit them (they lived in a two bedroom trailer), I would hear the teakettle go off in the morning meaning breakfast was ready. My grandfather would get up and cook breakfast and put the kettle on to whistle about the time the food would be done, in order to wake everyone up. As far as I know, my grandfather did this every morning for my grandmother. I just never could imagine him the way my mother remembered him. He seemed to love my grandmother dearly. When she got Alzheimer’s, he was the one who took care of her in spite of it breaking his heart.
Josephine...what I remember most about her was her LOOOOONG hair and her cooking. She had gray hair that she could sit on and kept it in a bun all day. I would ask to brush it in the evenings when she would take it down. I loved the feel of it. She was famous in our family for her homemade rolls and her cakes. She made a killer German chocolate cake. But those rolls, oh those rolls. She would let me have some of the dough and a little pan to make my own in. MMMMMMM
My grandmother's mind started failing about the time I was a teenager. I was losing interest in them and she was losing her memory of us. I went one time after she got Alzheimer’s and while she greeted us with enthusiastic friendliness, she added, "I don't know who you are, but it's always nice to have company!" I had heard of some of the strange things she had been saying and doing so it didn't really bother me. I know that she was afraid of my grandfather most of the time and this broke his heart. He loved her so much.
When I was 17, I got pregnant. It was out of wedlock and though I was being a very defiant teen, my mother was ashamed and didn't want the rest of the family to know. That was okay with me, cause inside, I was ashamed too. I was due in May of that year. I was still going to school and trying to blend in with the walls so no one would notice me. In April, William was sent to the hospital with what I assume was a heart attack. While he was there, my grandmother, who was staying with my aunt, caught some kind of viral infection and died in her sleep. A few days later, William woke up and just knew she was gone. His reason for carrying on was gone and he went home to be with her less than two weeks after her. I know it is stretching it, but just let me go on remembering them this way...My grandparents loved each other so much and their spirits were so connected, that he couldn't linger here without her.
But I never got to say goodbye to them. I had my baby and put her up for adoption and went on to college. I never cried over them, I never thought another thing about them...till I had my oldest daughter. I will never forget. I was sitting in a rocking chair singing to my baby. I just happened to start singing "The Old Rugged Cross". At some point it dawned on me what I was singing and the memory of my Grandfather overwhelmed me. I held my baby close and sang through uncontrollable, grief stricken tears. I was finally saying goodbye to them and wishing desperately they could see their latest great-grandchild. But most of all, I grieved not wanting to see them more often before they went home and that I had messed things up so much that I didn't even get to say goodbye.
Having said my goodbyes to them since, here is a photo tribute to William and Josephine Goff.
Josephine Constance Ford (April 1900-April 1983)
William Sylvester Goff (April 1896-April1983) He is the boy standing in the gate, the baby is his brother.
William and Josephine (taken around 1945) 
William and Josephine (taken in 1982) Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996192006-09-12T02:13:40.133-04:00That day...I heard it from the neighbor boy. They were getting ready to move so he was home. This 14 year old boy banged on my door and said, "a plane crashed into the World Trade Center!" I didn't believe him and he urged me to turn on the TV. We didn't have cable at the time and the picture was fuzzy, but I had turned it on just it time to see the second plane crashing into the tower. Then the reports about the Pentagon, planes being hijacked, we were under attack. You don't hear about it much anymore, but I remember the reports coming in right and left, mostly rumors, of fires, more planes missing, bomb reports...it sounded like DC was being invaded. Of course we later learned that many of those reports were rumors or hoaxes, but at the time, I really felt like THIS WAS IT. I had to sit down for a minute and think. My knee-jerk reaction was to gather my children close to me. I was sooo tempted to rush to the school to bring them all home. The only thing that stopped me was that if parents started coming to get their kids, and this wasn't real, it might frightened the kids who had to stay. It was so hard to stay away, but I made that choice early on and am glad now that I stuck by it.
I was babysitting for my best friend's daughter at that time and had to fight hard to keep that little girl from seeing my tears and feeling my panic. Because the tv signal was horrible, I had taken her and gone to the neighbor's house to watch it all. It was there that we watched the 1st tower fall. I remember we were talking and watching it fall, but it didn't really dawn on us till it was over that it had fallen. I remember foggily interupting the conversation and saying, completely without feeling or understanding of what I was saying, "it's falling". Just like that-totally deadpan-but it stopped the conversation and we all stood there in silence. For the life of me, I can't remember what the tv people were saying. I suddenly felt the urge to move. I had to get out of there. I decided to go to my mother's who was out of town, but in my panic I was having a hard time deciding what I needed to do to get there. I finally got us loade up in the care with things to entertain BF'sD. I listened to the radio as I drove. I will never forget the words, (pardon the use of words, it is a quote) "OH MY G*D! The second tower is falling! NO, no, it can't be!" I was sitting at a stop sign and couldn't go. I had burst into tears and was trying desperately to get control for BF'sD's sake.
At some point that day, I walked outside and sat in my mother's swing. Looking up at a the clearest, bluest sky I could remember, I tried to find the words to pray, but all I could muster was, "God, how can it be real? It's such a perfect day,"
I won't go on with MY reaction. My oldest daughter was the only one of my children who knew. I had to break the news to them and was amazed at how little I had to explain to them. Even my kindergartener knew about the "twin towers" in New York City. I think the most notable reaction was when I told my oldest boy-then in 8th grade. He said "nuh uh". Who COULD believe the unbelievable?
There are a couple of things that happened that day that I want to make note of that took place that day. These things were a result of the attacks, but my memory of them have been nearly drowned out by the memories of the attacks themselves. Bear with me while I record them for my own memory's sake.
The kindergarten students got out of school an hour earlier than the rest of the students here. I had gone to line up to pick up my youngest daughter. While parked in the line, I saw someone roll down their window and look out...and up. Then they got out of their car and looked up. The person behind them got out and looked up. After the 3rd or fourth person, I started looking myself. By the time I got out of the car and the reality of what was happening dawned on me, everyone was out, pointing and talking. It didn't dawn on me right away. We live under a flight path. There was a plane. HIGH up in the sky, but in that crystal clear blue, it's con trails were perfectly visible-in a sky with NO other con trails. Talk about thoughts running through your head. I mean normally we wouldn't have thought twice about a plane or con trails, but the absence of any others made a stark statement about the fact that there weren't supposed to be ANY planes up there. Of course later we would learn that it was probably a fighter in route, or maybe even Air Force One, but now I find it a perfect example of the palpable fear that we all had that day. In fact, up until that moment, I hadn't realize why the sky was so perfectly clear and blue. It was normally criss-crossed with con trails.
The second was when...SOMEwhere...in rural TN...some wise guy gas station owner got scared of the possibility of a fuel shortage and decided he was going to start profitting from it. About 5 o'clock, reports of gas prices shooting through the roof...and quick...sent enough people to the gas station, including myself, to cause very long waits. We had ended up at a little gas station with one bank of pumps and a line on each side at least 20 cars long. I remember the gas was already at $2.49 and there were rumors flying on the radio of it surging up to $5 per gallon by morning with a very real possibility of not having ANY by the end of the week. WE were there for an hour or more. I'm sure the people behind us, were happy with me cause I had a 30-something gallon van to fill.
During all of these events, I had a very real sense of us all being in this together-Community. That's what we became in the following weeks. In spite of the terribleness of that day. I loved what came from it. The events of that day were unbelievable, but what I find even moreso is that just five short years later, we have returned to status quo. How easily we forget.
More Sept. 11 stories are found at Rocks in My Dryer.
A list of trubutes to each of the 2,996 victims of 9/11Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-09-12T02:13:04.216-04:00Flying jewelSome photos from today
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132006-09-08T20:31:16.756-04:00Dealing with my own fearGrowing up we went to a church that was based on some very DEEP Biblical teaching. I was too young to really understand most of it at the time, but my mother assures me that the teaching she got there was "ahead of its time". I do have a few things that stuck in my mind from there, most of it I take with a skeptical grain of salt due to the fact that the pastor there went off the deep end later on...LONG story that I will have to share some time. Alot of the good that may have come from that church with me, has been negated by the fact that just as I was starting to become aware of things, relationships, and meanings, serious error had entered in and the glaring, cultish, qualities that began to take shape, were what stand out in my mind. I did take one peice with me however that after years of holding that nugget to the test of time and reality, I found truth in. "Fear opens the door to Satan"
The only reason I can think of that this stuck with me is the fact that I was about 11 years old when I heard it being taught and it made me afraid to be afraid. Oh what a vicious cycle! My parents were going through a divorce at the time and my mother was working again. I became not only a latch-key kid, having to spend after school hours alone, but due to my mother's commute, I was also alone for a few hours in the EARLY morning hours till my dad would come take me to school. Needless to say, there was alot of opportunity to be afraid. The more afraid I was, the more afraid I would be that Satan or demons would come inside me. At least in the mind of a 10 or 11 year old child that's how it seemed.
As I matured, that phrase began to take on a new meaning for me. I experienced as an adult, a night or two of waking up in a cold sweat, feeling the URGENT need to pray for someone or something. The problem was that I had dreamed something terrifying leading up to that wakefulness, that left me feeling paralyzed-afraid even to breath, much less whisper a prayer. It was after a couple of these experiences that I realized that God wanted me to pray, but Satan did NOT. What was the weapon he used? FEAR.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that fear almost always has that effect in varying degrees. Whether we are petrified and rendered immobile, or simply avoid doing something we want to do because there is a measure of fear involved, in fear, Satan has a tool with which to render the strongest in the faith, useless to God.
"Fear opens the door to Satan"
Now I am pretty sure that this term was used in the discussion of demonic powers. I am skeptical about the ability for demons to enter a Christian. How can a demon live in someone that Jesus lives in. My faulty memory may have served to imply that meaning anyway. But certainly, I do believe that certain fears DO attach themselves to us. I use the personification of fear as an analogy. I once imagined it being like a little demon-like, winged creature sitting on our heads with its claws sunk into our brains.
Certainly we have childhood fears we carry with us into adulthood, but there are also the fears we develop as a result of being hurt-either physically or emotionally. Those fears are not easily shaken. They do indeed feel at times, especially if we are aware that it is fear that is driving us or holding us back, like it has its claws sunk into us.
Which brings me to the scripture 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." Now this is the scripture I learned as a child. The King James Version. I still memorize KJV because the poetic sound to it makes it easier to memorize, but not neccessarily easier to understand. Needless to say, as a child, I did not find those moments that I was afraid to be anything near a "sound mind" experience. I just didn't get it. The New American Standard Version says, "For God has not given us a (A)spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline." and the New International Version says, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of SELF-discipline."
Okay, what the hey has discipline, much less SELF-discipline have to do with overcoming fear? Power I get. I mean if we are to wrestle "against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places"(Eph. 6:12), we are going to need some power, right? Love is always a great motivator. I mean, to fear death is a pretty natural fear, but who doesn't love someone enough that they would die for them? If not your spouse, then certainly you would give up your own life to save your child's life. But self-discipline...???
Now some of you may have already seen the connection, but I am a bit thicker than that. Maybe is was just that I didn't WANT to see the connection. After reading this article by Pastor David Moore, I finally got it. "Courage isn't the abscence of fear, it's the commitment to continue." Isn't a commitment to continue, self-discipline? And certainly, when you overcome fear by committing to continue, isn't that same fear replaced with a sound mind? I am stretching a bit in order to convey the thought. I understand it in my own mind, but sometimes I just can't organize the thought processes enough to make all the connections when trying to explain.
To put this in context, I will refer back to this post. I do fear success even in the photography I love so much. There is still so much I don't know, so much to learn yet. I have a working knowledge, but I don't just want to be a run-of-the-mill studio photographer. That's where the money is unless you get recognition enough to start working for publications or for agencies. I look at Anne Geddes and am so in awe and so overwhelmed. Then I think about my age and realize what a late start I am getting. WOW. Should I even try? I could put that time and energy into my kids and hope that one of them will develop my passion for photography at an early age so I can live vicariously through them. Do I really have time enough to develop the kind of talent I WANT to have? Fear, plain and simple. I can talk myself out of anything. I mean, I never wanted anything so bad as I do success in this, but the idea that I may finish what I'm doing and still not be any better, or that I may eventually get better and have my own studio and equipment and not have the sticktoitivness.
I have written here in the past about finally realizing success won't come to me, I have to DO something to make it happen. So in an amazing, sudden burst of courage,(the kind defined above), I started trying to set some things in motion. Each step I took, it would seem that God was matching my stride. Now each time I took a step and God helped, I DID experience a sound mind. Then fear would creep back in and I'd have to start the process all over again. I am looking at the end of the initial process and starting to feel that urge to "give up, it's not going to work out anyway". So the next step, as I understand it, is to commit to keep on.
Hopefully, my next post of substance will be on the process of disciplining myself. If I can discipline myself enough to do it. :-)Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132006-09-08T00:24:46.440-04:00A poem to go with my pictures-Actually I wrote this YEARS ago.
The small ant crawls through grass so tall
Cattle graze as farmer watches them all
Farmer wipes his brow under blazing sun
Planets encircle, paths never undone
More stars so far yet a galaxy make
Beyond a void so vast and great
The universe our minds can’t comprehend
All in the hands of God for eternity to spend.
The mighty One with his finger stirs
The cosmos flows seemingly in a blur
Each galaxy's path in constant motion
Stars pass like distant ships on the ocean
The world circles defining a year
Day and night seem so fast from here
Man wakes and sleeps by it all
For Him, not one detail is too small.
©2006 Joy E. Meade
Yeah, he's chowing on a sweat bee. If you can handle blood and guts, click on it to see it full size. You can even see the bee butt in his "hands" and the "scraps" on the flower petals.
Wordless Wednesday 1-Intelligent DesignJoy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17123764608629079961102006-09-06T11:51:13.663-04:00This is what I've found on Starbuckshttp://www.starbucks.com/aboutus/diversity.asp
Seattle Times article
http://www.bpnews.net/bpnews.asp?ID=21387
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=45694
Aside from the fact that my daughter has been working for them for almost 2 years, is a shift super and soon to be asst. mgr., has been through pretty extensive training and forum sessions with corporate people and has been told that Starbucks does not corporately support controversial social causes, this was all I could find on the subject. None of which says "WE DO NOT SUPPORT THE GAY AGENDA" or "WE DO". There could be some ambiguous enough wording in there to go either way.
Decide for yourself. Personally, I don't go there enough to really worry about it and my daughter brings home a free pound of beans every week, so I'm not really pursuing the issue. But there again, please don't just stop going. If you want to make a difference-tell them you are leaving them and why. Otherwise, your missing $4 won't be so missed or will be attributed to the economy.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-09-05T17:52:52.000-04:00Where does my money go?I am very active politically, but I try to keep it out of my blog. However, when something disturbs me deeply, I do want to share it.
While I do stay active in the political arena, I don't often boycott. However, I spend enough money at this place to want to change my spending habits. It seems that Wal-Mart has jumped on the gay marraige band wagon. I am passionately involved in changing the way church percieves homosexuals. They are individuals bound by a sin that is so incredibly addictive that instead of trying to get free, they try to make it "normal". However, I fundamentally disagree with the gay agenda. If Wal-mart continues down this path, that is their choice, but I don't have to give them my hard earned money to help them do so.
Please understand that if you choose to remove your business from Wal-Mart, it will do no good if you do not tell them you are doing that and why. Talk to your store manager face to face or on the phone AND contact the corporate office either by phone or e-mail. BE POLITE. Combativeness only makes people dig in their heels.
For those of you who believe that Starbucks is also in on this agenda, I have been doing some research. It is inconclusive at this point, but I can tell you with some assurity that Starbucks corporate does not endorse or support any social issue or organization that seeks to do so. However, Starbucks stores on the local level are given free reign to donate to any organization they deem fit. I don't doubt that the local Starbucks in San Fransisco and other highly homosexually populated areas does heavily support such causes. I hope to post some more concrete evidence of this soon.
I don't endorse a boycott, but I do encourage one. I do endorse making your opinions known. Without a boycott, they will see no reason to change. It will be a hard one for someone like me who is in there ALMOST daily. I will however be removing as much of my business from Wally World as possible. The idea is that they (NGLCC) want to try to get so many businesses and corporations on board that it will be impossible for us to boycott. I do not want to help them succeed.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-09-05T11:29:34.023-04:00Fear, the generational curse.I never thought of myself as afraid. At least not until the last year or so. That's when I started realizing that I had put all my dreams on hold, not becuase I had to, but because I was afraid. I wasn't just afraid of failure, I was afraid of success! I had heard of this phenomenom before and never really understood it. Now I know. I have started many educational and business endeavors over the years, always quitting just shy of completion or realization of any success. I used the kids and finances as excuses but I have learned that they were JUST excuses. I just didn't know what I would do with it when I completed it. Success would mean that I had to commit. Success would mean that I would have to put what I had gained to use. I have learned that while I enjoy school and would really like to work. It's just not something I want to commit to doing the same thing all the time or sticking to a schedule. I have an artists mentality even though I am no artist. I love raising my kids and following whatever whim I wake up with. But I am truly afraid of being tied to any one thing. If I were a guy, I'd be labeled shiftless or worse. I can get by with some level of respectability as a homeschooling mother. I love the flexibilty of following bunny trails. I love having the excuse to learn myself, without having to commit to pursuing a degree. I love not having to stick to one single area of study. I just wish there was some way to make money with this penchant for flightiness. I am committed however to pursuing my photography with all the creativity and flexibility in scheduling that it promises. My fear with it is the intense competition that comes with the readily and economically available semi-pro camera equipment out there. I am so fearful of this that I tend to withdraw from the photographic community that has so much for me to learn from. I yearn for a mentor, yet jealously guard what I have learned myself. I struggle to push away from these bents in my personality. I do not have youth as my ally any longer, so the younger, up and coming photogs terrify me. Especially when they go off on a tangent about exposure information that I have to really think about to catch it all. I am just really slow when they start throwing numbers around.
Today, we cooked out and had my mother over. She and I began discussing something about her and my grandmother. There was a theme in what she was saying, but I didn't catch it until later tonight when I was talking to my son. He's 12, a 7th grader. I found out about the National History Day last year, too late to participate, so I have been sitting on it till now. Tonight I printed out the info to show him. My son is a history buff. It's right up his alley to do this competition. But I hadn't taken into account one thing. FEAR. My son is deathly afraid to...SUCCEED! Although his, is based on the fact that he would rather die than speak. I can't blame him. While I am not petrified by the idea anymore, I too have always been one to avoid speaking like the plague. But he stutters. He has more of a reason to be afraid. I tried to point out to him that he could do a display or a documentary on DVD, where anyone could do the voiceover, but the thought that if he won, he might have to say something in front of people so frightened him that he wouldn't even consider it. I was terribly dissapointed because I kept thinking about all the fun it would be to do the research. Then I remembered what my mom and I were talking about.
My grandmother was afraid of almost everything, she was always afraid she would make the wrong choices. She was afraid of it to the point where she let my grandfather make EVERY decision. Not that she just submitted to him, but she would not take part at all in the decision process. The result of this was that my mother and her siblings thought of their father as oppressive to her. The girls in the family ended up with poor attitudes about men and a determination not to be "lorded" over by them. The boys all learned to run their households with a hard hand and went through marraige after marraige as the women in their lives would quickly grow tired of it.
My mother was always afraid of sin. Her father's strictness lended in part to this in that she feared God. Not in the respectful way, but in that she saw Him as waiting for her to screw up so he could back hand her. She was so worried that anything she did would lead to sin, that she ended up marrying my father, just to keep from it. They broke up when I was 10.
So now I have passed my fear on to the next generation. It may be too late for me to correct it, but I think I can make my children aware of this so they can combat it. They won't have to wait till they are in their late 30's just to see the problem.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
Funny that just yesterday, Pastor spoke on self-discipline which I have already clued you in that I severely lack. So for the next few days, this is going to be my topic for study. I hope to write more about what I learn. It is my prayer that my son is willing to learn this with me and maybe even open up to the idea of stretching himself.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-09-04T01:57:04.833-04:00First day of homeschool
My youngest two.
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132006-09-04T01:56:12.983-04:00First day of school
Maybe I should start calling these two, Cornfed and Lilbit. Cornfed's a junior and Lilbit's a freshman.
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-08-29T09:30:12.270-04:00This makes me feel old
This baby is the daughter of MY oldest daughter's friend. The friend is one year younger than my daughter who is now 20. I realized as I was taking this that when I was 20, I gave birth to my oldest daughter. Oh wow. I am old enough to be a grandmother...somebody please pick my jaw up off the floor and send me to bed. I am too old for this kind of shock!
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-08-27T00:46:39.886-04:00Another visitor
This makes the fourth bit of wildlife to visit us that I have been able to photograph since spring. This is a baby possum. We have had possums in the past, but they rarely come right up to the door like this, much less a baby alone. There is alot of construction in our town and it's pushing the critters into the developed areas. We have had several encounters with foxes as well, but I haven't been able to get a picture. It's usually too dark and too far from the house.
Now possums are some of the ugliest critters, but amazingly, even one of them as a baby can be kinda cute.
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-09-04T01:55:45.930-04:00RevealedMy heart cries outBut words I am without
Of something so vast
My mind cannot grasp
The depth of love
The sky above
No time
No space
No rhyme
No way to embrace
The enormity
The profundity
My God is He
Resides in ME!
How can this be?
Before you I stand
Lifting up my hands
Nothing between
Yet still unseen
My God
My Lord
My Savior
Creator
Close my eyes
Ever near
His whispered sigh
I can hear
Warm embrace
So full of grace
His arms around me
His glory astounds me
Taken in rapture
For a moment captured
Open my eyes I don’t dare
Bated breath in silent prayer
A voice on the gentle breeze
Tells me that He sees.
©2006 Joy E. MeadeJoy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996162006-08-26T22:22:11.880-04:00Moving OnIn spite of the hormonal pity party of my last written post, we are fine and back into the swing of homeschool. I have made a token effort to look for jobs-you know asking around, but not really asking where there may actually BE a job. I did make a stand for my kids though and told hubby that if God wants me to work and provides a job, I will send the kids back to school, but NOT until then. While things are extremely tight and we are eaking out every last cent of hubby's paycheck and then some to make ends meet, we are not looking at losing the things that are important-home, food, water, and electricity. If we have to let some things go, fine. He calmed down and agreed that we shouldn't do anything rash when the kids weren't physically or emotionally prepared to make a change. I know that women are supposed to submit to their husbands, but neither of us were being very rational at that moment and mine was less of a panic than it was just an overwhelmed, throw-up-the-hands-and-scream. Meaning: I calmed down first. So things are status quo for the moment except for one problem that has come up that has the potential to be huge, but I can't talk about it here. Please pray for us on that.
Anyway, school is off to a great start. We are getting so much done. I intend to take breaks often so we don't end up fading out at the end of the year. Last year, my son kept losing his books and we ended up having a hard time assigning him any work. This year, I have stuff for him to do and if he loses his books, the work gets harder. He does NOT want to do that. Daughter loves school and I have learned that I will never be able to unschool her. She has too much teacher in her. She thrives on the organization and scheduling. Today has been an off day for me, but thanks to planning the week ahead of time, I can have an off day and the kids still be on track.
The first thing we did this year is take the VARK test. It confirmed what I knew about my son-that he is a kinesthetic learner-but where I thought daughter was a read/write learner, I found that she is a visual and aural learner. She has always LOVED workbooks. So I assumed that she could pretty well learn on her own with those self taught courses. No, she does better if someone reads it to her or shows her how it's done. So we have been doing that and it has been so much less stress already. For my son, I give him something to color or fiddle with while I am reading to him or teaching. He is one of those who teachers will chide for not paying attention, but when asked what was being said, can reel it off almost verbatim. He has to be moving. So if fidget he must, then fidget he will. I think this is why his last teacher disliked him so much. He made a fool of her when he repeated what she thought he was not hearing. He thinks so too. He said she sputtered a bit when he would do that. He is actually getting his work done now that I allow him to "play" while I do the instruction part. How could he ever learn in an environment where he is expected to sit still and be quiet all day? Admittedly, youngest daughter would do just fine in that setting, but she does love to cuddle while we read. She would miss out on that.
My oldest son, after the incident I wrote about in my last entry, kept bugging me to go for a ride with him. He wanted to drive, yes, but the real reason was that he wanted to apologize. I knew that, so I managed to slip away with him for a few minutes. We had a nice talk and I reminded him of how when he got frustrated with his dad over not getting to drive his car as much as he wanted, he threw the keys and told his dad to just sell it cause he wouldn't ever get to drive it. We are JUST alike, he and I. We are both all-or-nothing kind of people. It takes alot to get us to that point, but when we are there, pity the people in our path. So I allowed him to eat a little crow in private and went home to eat my own in front of everyone.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132006-08-25T01:31:18.466-04:00Intelligent Design, You Can't Tell Me There's NotThis is my Wordless Wednesday. You can find more Wordless Wednesdays here.
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-08-23T08:37:51.293-04:00Throwing Away My Past...Part TwoI debated on wether or not to blog about this, but after the commotion this whole mess caused in my family, I realized that this may be as more of a spiritual battle than I though. My mom called me shortly after I posted this. Now I had not told my mother all of that was going through my mind. She hadn't had time to read it as I had JUST posted it. And she said something to the effect of, "God has been dealing with me, with all the stuff that is going on in the world, that I need to seriously declutter my house. We don't need to be tied to material things right now. We need to be ready to move at a moment's notice."
Now I didn't say these things, but the very feeling of needing to be unencumbered right now has been quite prevalent for the last couple of weeks. I don't know. Maybe it's just watching people's homes being obliterated on TV that gives me that feeling, but I believe God uses those kinds of feelings to motivate us sometimes. I mean, what if...? I don't even want to put utterance to the thoughts.
Anyway, here's something to think about: (for the sake of time and space, I am linking these to the whole chapters.)
Matthew 24
16Then let them which be in Judaea flee into the mountains:
17Let him which is on the housetop not come down to take any thing out of his house:
18Neither let him which is in the field return back to take his clothes.
19And woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days!
20But pray ye that your flight be not in the winter, neither on the sabbath day:
Mark 13
15And let him that is on the housetop not go down into the house, neither enter therein, to take any thing out of his house:
16And let him that is in the field not turn back again for to take up his garment.
17But woe to them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days!
18And pray ye that your flight be not in the winter.
Luke 21
21Then let them which are in Judaea flee to the mountains; and let them which are in the midst of it depart out; and let not them that are in the countries enter thereinto.
22For these be the days of vengeance, that all things which are written may be fulfilled.
23But woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck, in those days! for there shall be great distress in the land, and wrath upon this people.
Okay, so it's just an impression I have, but I've learned to pay attention to impressions. I don't think fear is the point here, I just think "Be ready" is the point.
I have always felt that my scrapbooks were not necessarily for me and mine. I have always looked at them with the idea of leaving my story for people who DON'T know us. I just don't want to leave behind alot of undone "scraps". So I am culling.
And here is the second half of this post. I did good today. I got rid of a FULL garbage bag today. But in the midst of this culling process, an argument about homeschooling broke out. I'm not sure if the two were related to begin with, but they became that way due to my state of mind from it all. It seems that husband and my second and third all disapprove of my homeschooling methods.
Okay, back up. Add to this what I am about to tell you, that I have yet to hear from the pastor about this after laying that at his feet a month ago. I have not heard from some other ministry people to whom I volunteered to help a month ago. One other ministry that had been asking me to do something has also stopped calling me, not sure if it's because they aren't ready to start the project we were discussing yet, or if they changed their minds about needing my help. And the last photo shoot I did was horrible! Guess where my self esteem is! Oh yeah, now add the following to it.
So hubby starts asking me if I want to send the kids back to school this year. He really wants me to go to work to help with finances but in my overloaded state of mind I hear, "you just can't get the job done". This morning I find out that Second and Third (who are in public high school don't like me homeschooling Fourth and Fifth because "I don't teach them anything and the house is trashed." They told my mother that. So in the middle of all of this stuff, Second wants to go driving and we have company comming tomorrow, I need to finish what I am doing and WE need to do a rush clean up on the house. It really wasn't alot to do, but it meant no driving. So he drops the little bomb of "I hate this house it's always trashed." (Hello, I don't see you bending over to pick up that piece of paper your standing on!) Hormones kick in and I really don't remember where it went from there. Something along the lines of throwing my box of "Keep" stuff out in the rain and raking EVERYTHING off the top of my dresser into a big black garbage bag to the tune of, "Just throw it ALL out, I'm not worth the stuff I have anyway!" Then proceeded to tick off all the little self esteem busters that have been nagging at me lately.
Yeah
Mother of the Year right? Fifth curls up next to me in bed crying cause she wants to stay home and homeschool. Fourth is running through the house going, "noooo, I don't wanna go to public school."
Well, needless to say, no one has said anything to make me feel better about this. My confidence is shaken to the core. Hubby patronizes, but he is a master of smoothing things over so I question his sincerity. Oh he sincerely wants peace in his house.
I just want to be taken seriously. I mean, I feel like the last few times I've tried to volunteer to do something, the people looked at me like they were thinking "this nutcase? In our organization??? I don't think so!" All the while nodding at me and taking contact info like they cared.
I'm wondering what I did to clue them off.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996152006-08-11T21:07:02.613-04:00Throwing Away My PastI've been sitting here for the last few days, immobilized, completely and utterly overwhelm, looking at what amounts to a mountain of ephemera. I mean this is not only a lifetime, it is well over 7 lifetimes as I have not only saved the scraps and evidence from mine, my husbands, and my 5 children's lives, but I also inherited the same from my grandparents home (they also had 5 children). Granted, they didn't save as much as I have, but I do have the equivalent of 3 underbed boxes full of their pictures that go all the way back to my great-great grandparents. What a treasure, right?
Well, if I die, how will my children sort through all of this...JUNK? I believe that God is really convicting me about being so tied to the past, and the material trappings of it. My poor kids would have a HUGE job ahead of them if I don't do something with it. It would be literally impossible to move if we had to with all of this stuff. Yet when I sit down to go through it...I just can't get rid of it. My youngest's first pair of sandals...so tiny. My middle's first pair of ballet shoes when she was 3. My oldest's graduation programs, invitations, and awards. My boys' sports awards. Ticket stubs to the kids first pro baseball game. Cards to me from hubby where he wrote such sweet things. How do I get rid of all of that????
Granted art work, kid's school papers, things like that are fairly easy until I come to the first drawings. (My oldest started drawing people as heads with tails.) I have those for each of my kids, dated and translated as to what they are. My oldest daughter was a prolific story writer and I can document her progression into a GOOD story teller. How can I throw those out?
Yet still I hear, "What are you teaching your kids, Joy?"
I am not teaching them to preserve the past. I am teaching them to HOLD ON to the past. I am teaching them to be packrats. I am teaching them to be sentimental and to trap themselves with possessions. Surely this isn't what God had intended for us.
I know how freeing it would be to be rid of it all (not the pictures of course) I imagine a cleaner house and more time to actually work on my scrapbooks rather than constantly be trying to catalogue and find places for all of this. I have always wanted to move to a house in the country, but the though of moving all of this...NO WAY!
What brought this up was when we tried to move our office to another smaller space so my boys could have seperate rooms. All that stuff had to come out of it's spaces and now it is staring me in the face. I am overwhelmed now with the thoughts about what else is in my closets, cabinets and drawers. I don't even want to think about the attic and garage. When we moved to this house-which is the house I grew up in by the way-I inherited stuff in the attic and garage from my mother and my brother's family who lived here while my brother went back to school. 40 some odd years of stuff is in that attic. And I am so sentimental, I could probably find some attachment to all of it.
I know I need to do it. Just get rid of it all and free myself and my family. I've been trying. I'm making myself sick over it. Not that I ever look at the stuff, but just knowing it's there. When I do look, I re-live. I missed so much of my kids from my own stupidity and a period of time when I wasn't really all here. How can I let go when that's all I have left? My oldest is fledging, the next one is just shy of fledging, the middle one is already working all the time.
I blinked. I missed it. I'm not sure I can move on. I used to think I would be soooo glad when they were all gone. Now I think empty nesting is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. With five, it is always noise, noise, noise. I have grown to love that. When the kids have friend over and they are all talking excitedly at once, I sit back and feel like my home is so full of joy. At Christmas when everyone is excited and playing around with each other, I stand back and am filled with warmth. What am I going to do when everything is silent? Truly one of my greatest fears is to spend Christmas alone.
See? I am too sentimental! I have to stop this madness. I have one child who is even more sentimental than me! I have to save her!!!!! I'm off to do the deed...well, to try again anyway.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996152006-08-14T11:38:03.603-04:00I've been tagged!Kpjara gave me my first tag today with this book meme. Thank you kp! It was fun!!!
Okay, before I start, I have one book that is my favorite of all times, that I could insert in any, if not all categories. It changed my life, I read it more than once (7 times to be exact), I would want it on a deserted island, it made me laugh AND it made me cry. (I cried more than laughed.) No, it's not my Bible. I am assuming that everyone knows the Bible is THE book. It's "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. Since I read it the first time, I have read EVERYTHING Francine Rivers has written that is in print and am anxiously awaiting whatever bone she throws to me next. I am hooked.
That said, I promise to be more original in my answers.
1. One book that changed your life: I would have to say the "Present Darkness" books by Peretti because they changed my perception of things. They just brought the whole "we wrestle not with flesh and blood" thing into a new light for me. They made me wonder about the choices we make and the thoughts and just how much we are influenced by things unseen.
2. One book that you've read more than once: I am not really in a habit of reading books more than once-even if I really enjoyed it. So I am going to revert a bit and say that I have read the Little Golden Book "We Help Mommy" by Eloise Wilkins probably 500 times between my mother reading to me (every night because I loved the pictures) and me reading it to my own kids. Yes, I still have the copy, worn and coverless, that I had when I was a girl.
3. One book you'd want on a desert Island: I have to admit that kpjara inspired me on this one when she mentioned a dictionary. I wouldn't have been able to come up with an answer without that prompt. Given, once again, that the Bible is THE book and could be the response to any of these, I would have to say that I would like to have a thesaurus. I get hung up on words alot and rely heavily on the thesaurus when I am doing any serious writing.
4. One book that made you laugh: I read Douglass Adams' "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" series when I was a teen and absolutely ROFL'd-to the point that my mother kept looking at me like I was crazy. I read it again with the kids last year before the movie came out and, while they thought it was hilarious, I just couldn't remember what I found so funny. I did however enjoy it even though I didn't find the same jocularity that I had when I was young.
5. One book that made you cry: "The Debt" by Angela Elwell Hunt. The reunion in this story is one I have longed for for 22 years.
6. One book that you wish had been written: How to Lose Weight Without Diet and Excersize by Dir Tearot Tenbum
7. One book you wish had never been written: Anything by Michael Moore or favorably about him should be banned, burned and cursed. The man's a stark-raving-to-the-moon lunatic.
8. One book you are currently reading: I’m reading: Just one??? I've always got 2-3 in the works. Let's see, probably the one that has me drawn in the most, believe it or not it's NOT fiction, is "Do You Think I'm Beautiful" by Angela Thomas. I feel like I could have written it, it's so close to what is in my head.
9.One book you've been meaning to read : I have a list a mile long of books I want to read. So I will say that the "Every Woman" books are next on my list. I preordered "Every Woman's Marraige" at the Exodus Conference and it came just a couple of days ago. They have one for each age group and I am going to read them all so I can pass some of it's wisdom to my girls.
There are a couple of categories I'd like to add here just to plug a couple of my other favorites:
Closest to my heart: "A Lantern in Her Hand" by Beth Streeter Aldrich about a young girl growing up on the plains in the mid to late 1800's and into the 20th century. She had big dreams and one by one, sacrificed them for those she loved.
Most amazing: Anything by Nicholas Sparks. I can't believe a man can weave a tale with such emotion. I even enjoyed the one he wrote about going on a trip with his brother and reliving his childhood which was not fiction, but a very captivating story.
Enough about me. I will tag everyone who reads this. Especially my lurkers. Yes, I know you are out there cause my counter keeps going up, up. up. So de-lurk and share your books! :-)Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17123764608629079961102006-08-09T00:44:32.766-04:00We went to the zoo and they all got along!!!!
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132006-08-06T12:31:32.473-04:00More from the zoo-and they all got along!!!!!!
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-08-09T11:24:57.803-04:00We went for her birthday. She's 15 and she asked to go to the zoo! Can you believe it???
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-08-06T12:22:25.066-04:00Blogger only allowed four so this is cont. from last post.
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-08-06T12:18:52.133-04:00Meerkats (oh and my kids looking at the meerkats) at the Nashville Zoo
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-08-06T12:15:24.753-04:00Clouded leopards at the Nashville Zoo
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-08-22T10:39:39.056-04:00Attempt at vintage
I bought this dress at a yard sale for my daughter who LOVES to dress up. We had always kinda talked about doing the reenactment camps with a friend of ours, but I could never get up the guts to. Anyway, she's had this for a couple of years now and still likes to pull it out and dress up. So I decided to add a few props and poses and play around with it a bit. I ran them through photoshop to play around with them some more-give them an old look and this is what I settled on. I liked this better than straight black and white or sepia. I know that takes away from the old look, but they still have a dreamy effect. What do you think?
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996152006-08-07T09:43:45.450-04:00Sunflowers
The dark one looks black to the human eye, but the camera sees the yellows and reds in it. Cool huh?
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-08-22T10:46:01.453-04:00Us
I'm feeling anti-writing these days. Not much going on in my life right now, but alot going on in my head. My rebellious nature is coming out anyway so maybe it's best that I can put my thoughts together enough to write right now. So I'm just going to post a few pictures to make it look like I am updating my blog. This is all of us but my oldest (who still sleeps at home, but lives elsewhere-I call her my fledgling-ready to leave the nest, but not quite able to yet) at the Hungry Mother State Park in VA. We stopped there on our way home from our vacation to picnic. It is a beautiful park, but then again we thought everything about VA was beautiful.
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-08-02T11:56:26.883-04:00Writing for an audience of oneI recieved an e-mail from a man the other day encouraging me to let go of my belief in such things as God and sin, and just enjoy life. I am not in the least bit convinced to do so, but my response to his e-mail has surprised me. First I was a bit saddened for this man. Of course I am praying that God will reveal Himself to him like He has me. I know that it is quite easy to deny something that you can't see or feel. But what this man doesn't understand is that you CAN see and feel God. No you don't see a physical presence, it's more of the things He shows you in your own mind and thoughts. This can be explained away or denied. But to FEEL Him...there is no denying that. Anyone can deny God, most would say they know about Him, but few KNOW Him. He has to reveal himself to you. He says that if we earnestly seek Him, we will find Him. To this man, I would like to say:Thank you so much for your concern for me. I don't say this to be patronizing or facitious. I seriously appreciated your e-mail. But please understand that I don't have a blind faith bourne from stuff my parents taught me, nor from a need to explain an afterlife (although I can't imagine life without that hope). My faith is quite simply based on the reality of God. No not everyone has experience that. Even to some Christians it is a foriegn concept. But I guarantee you that NO ONE who has ever experienced that reality can deny Him. It isn't something I can explain other than "I felt His presence". There just aren't words to describe it. But it isn't an experience one would EVER forget. It also isn't something I expect you to understand, or believe. It's not my job to convince you otherwise. If you want to know what I am talking about, it's something you will have to seek for yourself. It defies logic. It sounds like foolishness. But God knew His ways would be foolishness to man from the beginning and even told us so in His word.
No you can't believe everything that comes your way. But there is an innate understanding of right and wrong in each of us called our "conscience". The Bible says these things are written on man's heart. We are also told that we will know His voice.
I believe the path you have chosen to honestly be the easier path. Again, I don't want you to think I am in any way trying to belittle you. I know through this format you can't see how truly touched I was that you cared enough to write and that you did so without an attack. I hope you will see that I am trying to show you the same respect. I merely want to state why I believe and perhaps challenge you to look a little deeper. Look into the claims of Christ for yourself. You may find some truth there that you didn't know existed.
Jesus said He is the only way to the Father (God). There is no other religious figure that makes that claim. At the very least, consider that if you die and are wrong, where will you be? But if I die and I am wrong, where will I be? It is too much at stake not to err on the safe side. My faith is so much more than that, but in the most simple, base form-if I didn't understand or know anything else about God-that would be reason enough for me.
As for my party affiliation. I firmly believe that any party is easily capable of the hatred you spoke of. I affiliate myself with the Republican party out of a sincere desire to save unborn, innocent children. My true political beliefs lie on more of a Libertarian platform. I am not rich-(ha!)by NO means am I, so the stereotype of a Republican comes nowhere near me. I don't believe that the Republican Party is based on hate, but I do believe that POLITICS are. I don't believe any party truly addresses the issues anymore because they are too busy trying to make the other look bad. I do believe in checking out the candidates voting records and asking LOTS of questions in order to find the right candidate to vote for. I have learned that not all Republican candidates actually stand on the Republican platform and the same holds true for Democrats. I also believe that the majority of this country bases their vote on what the press tells them and do not really know or understand the issues, or the consequences of a "what will you do for me" vote that is so often given. I think that most people don't want to have to make the hard choices for the country's good because they don't want to be inconvenienced in the here and now. And I think our country is moving toward it's own extinction. Unless a candidate comes along who will move past all the bickering amongst the parties and is willing to take a stand-FOR OUR COUNTRY-in the face of the world and the press, we will not survive.
All that said, I do see your point. I acknowledge you ability to choose and would like to politely say that I don't think I will make the same choice. I do enjoy life. In fact, life is beautiful. And to me, acknowledging that my Creator made beautiful things for MY enjoyment (yes, it is that personal for me) makes it so much sweeter.
I know you don't believe in God, but allow me this as a wish for good things...May you walk in Truth. Stay in touch, will ya?Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-07-29T16:09:09.050-04:00Extreme Home Makeover is here!!!It took those deadly tornadoes in April to get them here, but they are here. They arrived yesterday and my daughter gets to deliver Starbucks coffee to them this weekend! So cool. I am so happy for this family, yet somewhat saddened by the demolished homes all around theirs.
Here's the story and a couple of stories behind the story.
Extreme Home Makeover comes to Hendersonville
Mom's a Hero
Original Story of Amy HawkinsJoy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-07-27T00:27:26.746-04:00My forward of the day *warning: another soapbox issue!*I checked this out on Snopes.com. Apparently, this DID happen, but it happened a year ago shortly after the bombings in London. This is written a little differently-with more editorial from the author, but I AGREE! Wish those politicians would get their collective noses out of the buts of the politically correct and DO something. Anyway, here is the Snopes.com version: http://snopes.com/politics/religion/australia.asp
Also, if you want to know what's going on in Isreal that you don't hear from tha mainstream press, check out Israellycool.com.
I don't send very many forwards, I know not many of you have the time for them. But occasionally, one comes along that rings so true or is so inspirational that I do click on your names and send it. Some of you, may be grateful to get anything from me at all *sheepish grin* and others may be rolling your eyes at another forward. Hear me out on this one though okay? I really think our government has dropped the ball on this issue and it's time for American's to let them know it. The more people get fired up about this, the more they will let their representatives know how they feel. We are in such a dangerous position if our government doesn't do something to protect us!
*joy steps off the soap box and gives the podium to the author of the following message:*
READ BELOW AND GIVE IT A LOT OF THOUGHT.
THEN, PLEASE, PASS IT ON.
Subject: THREE CHEERS FOR AUSTRALIA
I wish the leaders of our country would take a stand like Australia. Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia, as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.
A day after a group of mainstream Muslim leaders pledged loyalty to Australia at a special meeting with Prime Minister John Howard, he and his ministers made it clear that extremists would face a crackdown.
Treasurer Peter Costello, seen as heir apparent to Howard, hinted that some radical clerics could be asked to leave the country if they did not accept that Australia was a secular state and its laws were made by parliament. "If those are not your values, if you want a country which has Sharia law or a theocratic state, then Australia is not for you," he said on national television.
"I'd be saying to clerics who are teaching that there are two laws governing people in Australia, one the Australian law and another the Islamic law, that is false. If you can't agree with parliamentary law, independent courts, democracy, and would prefer Sharia law and have the opportunity to go to another country, which practices it, perhaps, then, that's a better option," Costello said.
Asked whether he meant radical clerics would be forced to leave, he said those with dual citizenship could possibly be asked to move to the other country. Education Minister Brendan Nelson later told reporters that Muslims who did not want to accept local values should "clear off". "Basically, people who don't want to be Australians, and they don't want to live by Australian values and understand them, well then they can basically clear off," he said. Separately, Howard angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques. AMERICA and Canada..... ARE YOU LISTENING?
Quote:
IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians.
However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others. I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Australia.
However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand. This idea of Australia being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Australians, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom. We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!
Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push but a fact because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, Because God is part of our culture.
We will accept your beliefs and will not question why, all we ask is that you accept ours and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us. If the Southern Cross offends you, or you don't like " A Fair Go", then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. By all means keep your culture but do not force it on others.
This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, "THE RIGHT TO LEAVE". If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.
Pretty easy really, when you think about it. I figure if we all keep passing this to our friends (and enemies) it will also, sooner or later get back to the complainers, lets all try, please.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE, PERHAPS WE CAN CREATE A GROUND SWELL AND SEND OUR U.S. & CANADIAN POLITICIANS THE MESSAGE THAT THE VAST MAJORITY OF US BELIEVE AS THE AUSSIES DO......Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-07-25T12:27:11.853-04:00Stop the insanity-please!!!I try not to get into politics on here, but this post is definately political. This is MY blog and MY opinion. If you don't agree, you may leave.
I recieved a newsletter from our State Senator yesterday. I voted for her, I know her personally, I like her, I do believe she is the last person in a political office that is NOT a politician. She is a nurse and deeply cares for her constituents. But this is NOT a comment on her or her time in office. I just want to give a point of reference to my beliefs without mentioning parties and such.
In this newsletter, she tells about all the good things that were accomplished during this last session (that ended in June I believe). One of the things was that the state of Tennessee passed a law banning protesters from funerals.
Okay, I'm really sorry, I know this HAS been going on lately, but WHO the heck protests a funeral???? What kind of sick, stupid, sorry, SOB, would do such a thing? And why the heck should we have to have another law (using taxpayers money to pay for the time and paperwork to get the thing passed, on the books, and enforced) to tell them it's wrong????
*Joy steps down and smooths her feathers, sighs deeply and moves on*
My husband is a dyed-in-the-wool "x". I usually vote that way myself. But my views are more aligned, no pretty well completely aligned, with a smaller, less known party that never wins. I vote for "x" party as the least objectionable choice that CAN win. I believe that the government should run our military and other such infrastructure and stay the heck out of people's lives. There are things I believe should be illegal, but for the most part, I feel the government has no right to dictate how we should live or raise our children. If Billy Jack wants to drive without a seatbelt and has a wreck that throws him from the car...he should darn well have the right to do so. Should the car companies be required to put seatbelts in cars??? Most definately.
But here's the rub. You always have those stupid, ignorant, idiots with no common sense that have to be told how to act. Society used to do that. Those people were shunned, preached at, and basically controlled by those around them through social pressure. We can't do that anymore. It is politically incorrect to do so. So now we have more and more intrusion by the government in order to keep the idiots in check. Knock, knock, HELLO! Anybody home? IT'S NOT WORKING!!!
The point is that the governments hand in everything removes our freedoms. If society is not allowed to repress the immoral minority while they are a minority, then it spreads. If no one thinks it's wrong, they will join in on the bad behavior.
The government steps in, but they don't really change the mentality of the situation. The scenario worsens, so the government passes more laws and more and more.... Before long you have a society of immoral, criminally minded, who no longer provide for themselves, demand handouts as their "right", and those who ARE still sane wondering how long before their own rights are violated in order to protect the nutcases.
Every day our government grows bigger and more intrusive. Yes they give an awful lot to the "poor"( I won't get started on that one, I'm sure you know where I stand on welfare at this point) but in return they take away freedoms. Some things seem good, but it's like letting a crook get his foot in the door. He just keeps pushing and pushing to come in farther and farther.
If the government is big enough to give you everything you want, it is big enough to take it all away.
More insanities: Public education and truancy laws. The NEA completely owns the political process on this one. I asked my senator friend about it and she said the issue I am about to address comes up every year and never makes it out of committee because the party in control is "owned" (my word not hers) by the TEA. Does it not make sense that if they would give vouchers, or completely privatize the education system, that competition would make or break schools? Is it not common sense that this would eliminate the bad schools because everyone would flock to the good schools with their money? Of course! The problem (as far as the TEA/NEA is that you would also have all the children being religiously indoctrinated as those of us who disagree with the humanistic/atheistic world veiw would flock to the religious schools of our choice. I'm sure Muslim and Jewish families would do the same. Hmmm. What kind of difference would our children make to society when they are grown if they were allowed to learn, if not Godly, at least moral principles? Would a majority with judeo-christian ethics emerge? Most likely. Of course kids will still make their own choices about things, but I certainly think schools would go back to the way they were before prayer and corporal punishment were taken out. Discipline problems would go way down. Oh I could go on and on with this.
Now, not only does the government take my money to pay for schools that I don't want to send my kids to, but they take me to court at my expense if the kids miss more than 5 unexcused days per semester. I feel so sorry for parents whose kids skip school on a regular basis. I have two in public school becuase I can't afford private schools, and two in homeschool. I do not take my kids to the doctor everytime they have a cold, so the two in public school usually do end up with a few unexcused absences. This is strictly a money issue since the school district gets funding for each child in attendance each day. I don't advocate my kids missing school, but this is a ridiculous law and is one very big reason why I have Mommy dates (those of you who know me, know what this is). It's my way of blowing rasberries at public education. As a homeschooler, I am required to log 180 days per year of school (with a certain number of hours on these days, but I can't remember how much). This in itself is stupid because I consider LIFE itself to be an education and it doesn't take near as long to teach 1 or 2 children as it does to teach 20. *Joy shakes her head in disbelief* When will the insanity stop?
Marana-tha!!!!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-07-25T11:01:13.016-04:00Mr. and Mrs. NewlywedsA very dear friend of mine got married Sunday. It was a much deserved and long awaited moment of happiness for her. I went to the wedding and got a moment alone with her and her new husband and prayed over them. She and I cried as we relived, in those few minutes, the last few years of her life as her first husband left her, divorced her and tried mercilessly to take her son out of her life. She has been through terrible poverty, an illness that had her fearful of her life, and a constant fear of losing her son.
I did not photograph her wedding, but I did get a few shots of them afterwards. Don't they look happy?
K and J, I wish you a lifetime...!
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-07-24T19:45:03.220-04:00Okay, I admit it...my late teens really did go up in a purple haze.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-07-22T01:40:13.416-04:00Not who I would have said, but amazingly trueConsidering that everyone who knows anything about me at all knows what part "pot smokers" play in my life story. My friends all tease me about being mellow.
I picked these up from Kpjara at Can You Hear Me Now? Mine seemed to fit, but don't take them too seriously, they lean toward the morose absurd. :-DJoy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-07-14T12:02:08.136-04:00HE LICKED IT!!!!!This one is for Grafted Branch who wrote about this just a couple of days ago.
My son, immediately upon recieving the keys to his first car last night, ran up to it and LICKED IT! He said, "he who licks it, owns it." Needless to say this has to be the funniest use of this logic to date...and maybe the grossest!
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-07-13T17:40:18.486-04:00The Boy Becomes A Man
A full year before the Government recognizes my son as an adult, I know from experience that today will be the day. Today, my son turns 17 and for his gift, he will recieve his first car. Today, when we hand him those keys, I know I will cry. My boy, my second smallest baby, the constant source of storytelling in our family, will be given his freedom to become a man. The first time he drives out of our driveway, will be the first time he leaves the nest. For the next couple of years he will be like a fledgling, but he will begin with this car, learning to bear responsibility like a man.
I know this in itself does not make him a man, but (as a warning to all those who have yet to experience this) with the first car comes responsibility, a job, and freedom to come and go. Yes, there will be the standard restrictions set in place by us, as parents, and society, but I have learned that by the time this day comes, they have long ago learned that they have a will. With a car, comes a greater ability to excercize said "will".
I was shocked when my oldest daughter got her first car and that was basically when our life with her ended. It wasn't a gradual separation as it had been till that point, nor was it sudden, but it was like the saw that had been used to cut the apron strings had suddenly become a power saw. She still lives here four years later, but we rarely see her between her working and her social life.
I didn't realize it would happen so fast and I was left reeling. With the car came a job and we no longer had to take her to school functions and social engagements. I hadn't realize how much time a job would take or that her driving herself would take away from time we had with her. Now I know. Now I am prepared at least intellectually, but emotionally, I do not want to go through this again.
I haven't had to experience (thank you, Lord, and please protect my other 3 children)a rebellious child, but I was one myself. No amount of rules or restrictions can hold a child back if they decide to go, unless they break the law and end up in jail. Only respect holds them back at this point. Let me tell you, I have seen this boy, who is 6 feet tall and probably 275 lbs, excersize great restraint out of respect for me. I have seen the set jaw and the balled fists as he submitted to my 5'4" self ground and even spank him. He KNEW he could easily overtake me, but out of respect for me, he held himself in check and submitted to the correction.
My boy, my sweet tiny baby. At 2 we had to make him stop throwing balls of any kind in the house because he threw too hard. By the time he was 8, he had made a name for himself in the local baseball league. The one who kept terrorizing the cats. The one who "sacrificed" his daddy's brand new jeans while dancing around and covering them in glue. The one child that gave me more stories to tell by being SO mischievous while wearing the most disarming grin.
Now, he is the one that towers over me. The one that helps me when I can't reach things. The one who does things for me that I am too weak to do. The one who already takes on a great deal of responsibility for things around the house. The one who at one point would not let me hug him and who now will offer them at rare, but easy moments. I treasure each and every one.
Hthinks he is not the handsomest, but I know what is in his heart. He has a great capacity for love. He hides it out of his insecurities, but I know it is there. It is for this I pray for him-friends and someday a wife that will see the heart in him and love him all the more for it.
On the surface, he is so logical and non-chalant, but there is a depth to him that isn't easy to see. He is so intelligent-having a bent for math and science like his father, but he has artistic and creative abilities as well, like me.
Happy birthday my son and on this day we pass a torch on to you. You won't carry it fully right away, you will have some growing to do yet. But this torch is one that you must take. It comes with GREAT responsibility-perhaps to the point of death. There are times when a man must stand boldly between those he cares about and danger, even in the face of death. There are times when a man must work himself to exhaustion to provide for himself and his own. And someday, a man must stand before his God and account for his family because he is their spiritual head and is responsible for their spiritual training. This is the weight a man must bear. It is a heavy burden that will seem unbearable at times. Now it is time for you to take that torch and learn to carry it. You are capable and you are equipped. And now you have the tool you will need to find your place in the world.
A car? It doesn't seem like much to us anymore. But imagine being without one for the next 17 years and having someone give you one. He's gonna love it!
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-07-06T15:21:34.623-04:00Genesis to ExodusThe story of how a straight, married, mom of five ended up at an Exodus Conference.Fear of the church drives the sexually broken underground and away from the God. I have come to believe that the church should be a safe place for the sexually broken to come for help and healing. While same sex attraction was not my own story, I believe mine is just as common, but possibly less known. I feel it is time for the church to pull its head out of the sand and engage Satan in this attack. I believe he has used the internet and current technology to further drive this issue underground and make it more easily accessible.
· Approximately 40 million people in the United States are sexually involved with the Internet
Exposing Porn: Science, Religion, and the New Addiction, Paul Strand. Christian Broadcasting Network, 2004.
· 72 million Internet users visit pornography web sites per year
Pornography Statistics 2003. Internet Filter Review. www.internetfilterreview.com, 2003.
· Sex is the number 1 topic searched on the Internet
Overdosing on Porn, Rebecca Hagelin. www.worldandi.com, March, 2004.
· 34 percent of churchgoing women said they have intentionally visited porn websites online
Internet porn a guy thing? Not really, online rating service says, Mark O’Keefe. The Charlotte Observer.
· At least 20,000 American adults visit Internet sex sites at least 11 hours per week
Victims of Pornography Month Should Not Exist, Jan Larue. Christian Counseling Today, 2003 Vol. 11 No. 3.
· 15 percent of online porn habitués develop sexual behavior that disrupts their lives
The Porn Factor, Pamela Paul. www.time.com. 19 January, 2004.
· 9.3 million women access adult websites each month
Internet Pornography Statistics. Internet Filter Review, 2004.
· 70% of 18 to 24 year old men visit pornographic sites in a typical month. 66% of men in their 20s and 30s also report being regular users of pornography.
First-person: the culture of pornography, R. Albert Mohler, Jr., Baptist Press, 28 December 2005.
· For every 10 men in church, 5 are struggling with pornography
The Call to Biblical Manhood. Man in the Mirror, 6 July, 2004.
· Median age for the first use of pornography: boys: 11-13 girls: 12-14
Your Children & Pornography: A guide for Parents, Tom Buford. Tommera Press, 2001.
· 47.78 percent of families said pornography is a problem in their home
Focus on the Family Poll, 1 October, 2003.
· One out of every six women grapples with addiction to pornography
Internet Pornography and Loneliness: An Association? Vincent Cyrus Yoder, Thomas B. Virden III, and Kiran Amin. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, Volume 12.1, 2005.
T
hese are just a few of the statistics on pornography listed at http://www.nationalcoalition.org/resourcesservices/stat.html. There are literally thousands of such statistics on many different sexual issues. I specifically highlighted the ones about women and churched men. There are also statistics available concerning pastors and porn/sex addictions “54 percent of pastors said they viewed porn within the past year in a Pastors.com survey…” says an article at http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/pastors/1336107.html.
Then there are the issues of homosexuality, sex addiction, and on top of all of that is the issues relating to teens. I learned at Exodus that it is a trend among teens to be bisexual until they figure out what they want and more specifically among young women to be Lesbian Until Graduation (L.U.G.). Yes, it even has a name.
My own story is not very different from those who I met and spoke with at Exodus. I worshipped my father as a little girl and thought I was a daddy’s girl, but when I was 10 he left us and by the time I was 16 had another family complete with a stepdaughter who was my age. To this day I have to deal with that rejection and the fact that she and her children have MY daddy! It angers me still and I have to continually forgive, even though I like them all. At 11, I was introduced to pornography when a friend and I stumbled over a family member’s stash. I remember yearning for the attention the women in the pictures were getting. Even though I was too young to really understand the sexual nature of it all, I DID understand the intimacy that it represented. Later, I became a promiscuous teen with a tendency for older, dominant men (which at times was dangerous). I just knew each guy was going to love me if I just gave him what he wanted. After a while, I became so numb to it all that I thought the only way I could be with a guy was to offer him sex. Beyond that I would lie to myself, and everyone around me, that I was the one pursuing, but each time left a hole in me. I rededicated my life to Christ at 22. It was about that time that I met my husband. We married and lived a perfectly Christian life until I was about 29. Shane was working 65-70 hours a week managing a restaurant AND going to school. I was home alone with 5 small children and VERY lonely. I don’t think I realize how unloved I felt. But when I discovered the internet, I quickly found the attention I craved. Someday I may share that story, but it's not time yet. It is really a beautiful story of God’s intervention involving an attempt to end my own life. (not quite suicide, but close)
That being said, I believe God has put me in a safe place by urging me to reach out to homosexuals. It’s not so safe that I can’t identify, but safe enough that on a regular basis, it will not be a struggle for me. Here’s how it came about.
My oldest daughter had this group of friends that she had been very close to since middle school. This group included one boy. They all had their suspicions about him and he did finally come out to them in their senior year. My daughter has stayed friends with him and through him has met, probably, every gay man in our city, and many in Nashville. She is 20 now and while they all know she is a Christian, they love her and flock to her. She prays for them and has such a love for them, but really is burdened with some of the things she has seen. For one thing, She has been very anti-church for the reason that she has seen how the church treats people (this was a common theme at Exodus). She has met young men who were thrown out of their homes, rejected by family and church, and forced into prostituting themselves or making gay porn films.
About the same time my daughter was sharing this with me, The End Of The Spear came out and there was a controversy among Christians about it concerning the lead actor being gay. I got an e-mail from our homeschool group calling for a boycott of this movie. I blew up. I threw an e-mail back at the group saying basically what hypocrites Christians are and that this was an amazing story that we should support so that more people could hear it. I mean this movie is about a modern day gospel! Men that gave their lives so others could live…I just couldn’t believe that Christians couldn’t even agree amongst themselves on that. I realized what I had done after the fact and fully expected that I had stirred up a hornets’ nest. Well, according to some I did, but God spared me from it. The only replies I received were all “you go, girl” except for one. The one caused me to dig deep into my Bible. I just could not find anything to support the “we need to stand up to those who are in our face” mentality. All I could find was that we are to love God, love others and share the gospel-that we would always have those that hate us, and that Jesus, when they were all up in his face, said nothing and went to the cross. God was working on me.
I wrote all of this in a small “book” of an e-mail to a man that I found in Nashville who had an Exodus affiliate ministry. I never expected him to write me back. I just felt better by putting it into words. He did write back with the words “call me, let’s talk”.
I didn’t want to at first. It was like wanting to go parachuting all your life and then when you have the opportunity, realizing that you’re afraid to. I didn’t know there was fear there until faced with it. I put it off for a couple of weeks and finally made the call. I met with the director from the Sight ministry and he told me his story. I felt that God wanted me to tell him mine. In doing so, He confirmed that He had brought us together. The director immediately got me involved.
At one of the meetings I went to I met a woman and started talking to her when the subject of the Exodus conference came up. She said, “you should go, they are awesome.” I didn’t think anything more about it. Then Richard sent an e-mail to everyone on his list about it. I still didn’t think anything about it. I never go to anything because there is no money and I have 5 kids. Out of the blue I got the idea that I SHOULD go. I didn't even know why, but I now know where the idea came from now. I mentioned it to an older, well-respected woman at church and told her that I would have to do fundraising in order to go cause it was expensive. Then I prayed during church, “God if you want me to go, you are going to have to tell me and provide the money. I absolutely don’t have it.” After church, that lady came up to me and said if I went, she would give me $100 toward it.
Okay, God.
I put out flyers that I was raising money for this and would do photo shoots for it. I got calls immediately.
Okay, God.
I applied for a scholarship leaving the amount requested blank. I didn’t know how much I would get for fundraising and I prayed that God would just provide what I needed. They approved me for $250-just enough for what was left.
Okay God.
When I got there I realized that I had more resources I wanted to buy than I had funds for. I mentioned it to my mom over the phone. She said she wanted to put $50 in my account for them. I never asked her to, nor did I intend for her to.
Over and over again, God has confirmed that this was the direction I was to go. I questioned this after the church “change” was proposed. It left me unsure as to where God was going with this. The next day, I received a call for another photo shoot, when I hadn’t put out any more flyers for over a week.
So this is where I am now: I believe God wants my church to be proactive in this area, beginning with homosexuals and moving later on into other areas of sexual brokenness as people who are healthy enough to deal with them come on board. I feel it is URGENT that we begin to address this with the youth because that’s where it begins. They are taking this path younger and younger-nevermind that they aren’t even supposed to be thinking about sex yet, they not only have to deal with whether or not they should have sex, but now struggle with which sex they are going to be attracted to. It’s not even so much an issue to them whether or not they should have sex anymore. Can you imagine what a burden that is to a young person-especially one who has been in church and knows the truth, but has these feelings the world is telling them not to deny?
We also need to quickly deal with the fact that the church is God’s plan for healing. It should be the FIRST place one would turn to for healing and support. Specifically, parents of homosexuals should never feel they have to hide their pain from church family. So often the church’s stance on the issue leaves them feeling shame and afraid to share their burden. These families should be surrounded by friends and family willing to lift them up in prayer- who care so much about their children that they will ask about them and pray for them continuously.
Ministries like the Sight ministry (that I am involved with) are in place to teach and counsel homosexuals. I believe support of this ministry would be a beneficial tie to the homosexual community as well as a reference for those who need counsel. People coming out of the lifestyle need safe churches to be plugged into, families to include them and make them feel a part of the church, and straight individuals who volunteer and receive training to hold them accountable and affirm their gender. But since they also need knowledgeable people to teach them how to deal with what they are going through, which is where we refer the ones who aren’t already plugged into a counseling group to the Sight Ministry.
We should cultivate small groups should not only include them, but actively pursue their participation. I believe that there should be a leadership, that is directly accountable to the pastors who can keep watch over the accountability program and keep it safe. If problems arise between a struggler and an accountability volunteer, the leadership would be the ones to address the issue and make necessary changes.
I feel that there should be some means in place to require a commitment from the struggler so they understand that though they are always welcome at church, the only way we can help them heal, is if they are willing to commit and work at it.
And ultimately, what should become the foundation of this ministry, we should offer education, either through videos, guest speakers, and studies beginning with young parents. I learned at Exodus that many of the reasons a person becomes homosexual CAN be averted through education. In fact, there are many that go so far as to believe that the majority of homosexuality is preventable! In order to do so, parents need to be taught about the stages of development and their participation in those stages, from birth.
The first things I would like to see my church do is to prepare the church on this issue and how to address it, and become a member of the Exodus Church Network. This requires a $50 annual membership fee, a contact person who has been free from sexual immorality for 3 years, and a leadership board.
I have brought back page after page of notes, handouts, videos and CD’s of information. I intend to share this information with my own church. At Exodus, they expressed a desire to “come home”. The ex-homosexual community has, in the past, avoided church like a plague, but has come to see that the church was God’s original plan to affect healing. This is why the Exodus Church Network was launched this weekend and why I believe God put this on my heart to begin with. This is a HUGE issue. It has been ignored or had scripture thrown at it like stones, but rarely is Jesus used to address it. The kingdom of God is not expanded through judgment and rejection.
I wondered why God had put this on my heart only to rearrange my church. I wasn’t sure what God wanted to do with my going to Exodus and the church change, but I am trusting Him and He told me to go and bring what I learned back to my pastor. Beyond that I am resting on faith that God will continue to direct my path as He already has. With the heavy burden I have been carrying over the last few months, it is my hope that they will allow me to do something within the church to move us in this direction. While I do have a vision for this, I don’t really know how God wants to carry it out. In other words, I carry this on my heart, I have a vision, I am willing, I lack direction but I’m offering whatever I have and can do. I understand my place in this-which may be nothing. God may have had me do all of this just to bring it home to them.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996142006-06-29T16:14:51.270-04:00A God thing-ain't He great?So I go to the first meal here at the conference. I am carrying my tray to where some of my group is already sitting. The lady at the table next to us has already found out we are from Nashville and says "I'm supposed to be looking for someone from Nashville who is blogging with my neice in Texas," just as I walked up. I about started jumping up and down. "That's me!" I shouted. "You're Sarah's aunt!
Sure enough. Sarah of "It's All About Me" had sent her aunt looking and we hooked up the first thing! How cool is that? We have been visiting and I am looking forward to spending a little more time with B and R. They are great folks! Thanks for sending them hunting, Sarah!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-06-27T08:33:16.063-04:00Today's the dayIt doesn't feel special and it may not be special. But I am leaving my husband and my 5 sleeping children to go on a trip. I am going to and Exodus conference-hopefully to learn. I am doing it for 3 young men in particular who, by holding a special place in my oldest daughters heart, have become special to me. These 3 young men, in varying degrees, are questioning their manhood. It is with the hope that I can bring something back for those 3 young men that I go. They are not ready to go for themselves yet, so I go for them. It's also for two men who aren't so young anymore. Two men who because of their gentle caring ways and love for each other, were able to reach out to me and be MEN in my life, while not being men in my life. They helped me get back on my feet when I had to leave my first husband with a 15 month old child because he couldn't be a real man and stop hitting and verbally abusing me. Out of my love for these two men, I tried to witness to them the only way I knew how-judgementally-and in doing so, pushed them so far away that I have no idea what became of them. It is for them, and for all of the men and women who feel isolated and shut out by a church that can't seem to see them as human. Are they sinners? Yes, but so am I. So are we all.
I don't have any more time, but I would like to ask that anyone who reads this pray for the 3 young men J, G, and R. And while I don't even know if the other two are still alive, keep James and Paul in your prayers too-that someone who DOES know how to reach out to them, will.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-06-26T23:41:04.596-04:00Caught!Our latest visitor-the cat food bandit-caught braving the thunderstorm tonight on his nightly raid. He comes right up to the back door and we didn't seem to bother him much when we opened the door to get pictures of him.
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-06-26T09:40:38.480-04:00Established June 25, 2006This is what the granite stone that is to be placed in front of our church reads. It bears the name of the two churches that came together today and speaks of two bodies coming together in one faith, to reach others for Christ. It was a touching gift to our body from the pastor of the body that is merging with us. It is his way of acknowledging the small group of believers that agreed to step out in faith to pursue a vision he feels the Lord has given him.It is a new day. A new chapter. A new story. The water is warm!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-06-25T23:57:29.490-04:00Jean-Luc KEY A MUSHIDThis is going to be a bit cryptic. There's no need for comment. It is a message for one person and if they read it, they will know who they are.
E-mail arrivé. Just to be careful, is this some kind of tromperie? I just want to make sure. Write again. I want to apprends about Likasi.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132006-06-25T23:58:15.976-04:00My first attempt at night sky photography.
I've always wanted to shoot the night sky. This is my first attempt. This is our backyard at night with a 30 second exposure
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996142006-06-21T17:02:23.643-04:00The Creator's painting.
This is what I love to do more than anything. Capture the Creator at work. His work is so beautiful.
And I didn't miss the sunset tonight:-)
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996142006-06-19T21:55:03.353-04:00Restless heartI often see myself as the youth that I no longer am. My body just won't agree with the ideas and fantasies my mind conjures. Every now and then the collision between what I envision and desire, and what I can feasibly do is like the bloodiest of trainwrecks inside of me. They leave me wanting to run away from all the age induced limits I have let creep up on me. I want to scream for it all to stop. It isn't that I can't accept those limits, it's just that they set themselves upon me while I wasn't watching. I blinked and all those things I wanted to do, I can't do anymore. It's a Niagra Falls of time rushing away underneath me. If I look down, I can see it flying past, but I have other things to do, so I don't notice it till I need that bucket of youth that was floating in the rushing waters and then it is so far gone I can never reach it again.I'm feeling it now. I don't know what triggered it, some country song no doubt. When listening to country music, I quite often remember some wild dream I once had to live on a Texas Ranch when I was old enough to move away from home. I wanted to ride horses, drive an old beat up pickup down dusty roads and sit on a rough hewn fence watching the sun set after working with the horses and cattle all day. Now, when I think about such things, while in reality I could do some of those things someday, the romantic notions of finding myself a cowboy are gone and the fun, hot, summer nights notion are long gone. I don't really miss those ideas, but the fact that there is no going back, bothers me. I know I had my whole life before me at some point. But I can't remember when that was.
I want to move. Both physically and emotionally. I want to go for a long walk, but it's too late at night. I want to pack up and move to places I've never lived. Adventure, change, a move out of my complacency. Anything...something. I have an excuse for it all. Why can't we live more simply? Why do we let THINGS tie us down so that we can't fulfill our dreams?
It's after 10 pm. It's been pouring rain. I wish more than anything that I was in California right now where it is 2 hours earlier. Where was I at 8 pm here? What was I doing? Why did I let that time go by? I love sunsets, but so often I MISS them. I get busy and miss them. I hate that. It's time wasted and it will be another day before I have the chance to see it again. Another day to get so wrapped up in the living that I forget to LIVE.
Life is too beautiful to waste. Something about being outdoors makes me feel alive, but so much of our living is done indoors these days. I feel cooped up. The family is hot and wants the A/C on. I want to turn on a fan or two and throw open the windows and doors! I want to hear birds and feel the breeze, the sunshine-yes, even the hot sunshine. Breathing in the outdoors is like breathing LIFE. It is the breath of God. The very air He created. And it is full of all the sounds of life.
I doubt I could ever afford it, but the only place I have ever heard of having an open house year round is in Hawaii. I had a friend that lived there and she had large glass wall/doors that she could slide open. No screens. Just fresh ocean breezes blowing through her house. The smell of plumeria heavy in the air in the evenings. They had an occasional gecko come visiting, but they weren't so unwelcome.
I had the chance to go to Hawaii once. When I was young and stupid. Why is youth wasted on the young? I went-for 2 weeks. I was high the entire time. I barely remember it. Why did I do that? Wasted time. Wasted! I would kick myself if I were still limber enough. Of all the things in the world I could have done! I wasted the opportunity of a lifetime! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! If only I could redo those stupid years. Why didn't someone tell me I would wake up one day and it would all be gone? Why? Because I wouldn't have listened.
Teens make their own choices and we are at some point powerless to do anything about it. Tell your kids, tell them. Not to "not do such and such" but to know and remember, that life slips by unnoticed, and EVERY choice they make, they will have to live with later on. They will choose. No matter what you do, they will make both good and bad choices. You have to let them too. You have to just let go and let them choose. The best thing you can do is to show them how good LIFE is. Drugs, sex, alcohol, pleasures of the present, are not LIVING. They erase life, they snuff life out, and they leave you with regrets-things you CAN NOT change or undo. You have to show them the alternative. Hike with them. Camp with them. Go see the Grand Canyon, Yosemite, New York City, the beach all the places that represent life and or the Creator of life. Places that inspire awe. See Civil War battlefields, military graveyards, the Alamo, places where people lived, then died, or places that represent people who gave their lives. Have fun with your kids. Fill your home with laughter. Find positive things in your kids and tell them those things often. Don't dwell on a bunch of rules or housework. It will be there when they are gone. Show them how to LIVE! Stand at the edge of a lake and watch the sun rise or set together. Get a telescope and go find a hill in the country to star gaze. Inspire them to find the Creator. Show them how to find Him. Help them to find oneness with the One who created them.
Isn't that what we are all longing for anyway?Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-06-15T12:38:08.890-04:00Glorious MorningWhen I was growing up, we went to a "holy roller" church. I grew suspicious of the goings on as I got into my teenage years and was relieved when the church "moved". I never thought much about it afterward, but looking back now, I learned some valuable lessons there. I learned that freedom in worship can be an awesome thing. I learned it can be taken advantage of too. I learned how to study scripture-to tear it apart and really get to the meat of it. In fact much of that meat is still with me today.
One very important thing that took place during that time is that I memorized scripture. I can't tell you how heavily I rely on that now. Often I don't remember the whole verse or exactly what it is, and I rarely remember where it is found, but it is enough to help me find it. I didn't learn this through Bible drills or Sunday School classes. I learned them through song. We sang scripture. I had no idea how valuable those little choruses would be to me later on. I didn't even know I was learning scripture.
I never think about these things and I don't remember all of them. The amazing thing is that when I do recall one, I remember it almost perfectly.
This morning, as I was waking up, you know those moments when you are first waking up and your thoughts are barely cognizant, much less meaningful, and a scripture song that I hadn't thought about in probably 27 years came to my mind. It was vibrant, complete, and melodious and the more awake I became, the more voices seemed to be added to the chior that was singing it. Before I was even completely aware of the time, I was joining in. As it dawned on me that I was singing a song I should have long forgotten, it also dawned on me that the Lord had put that song in my heart and awoken me to what must have been an angel chior singing it.
One look out my window told me that this is truly a day the Lord hath made. And He wanted me to rejoice and be glad in it.
Bare with me and the phonectic spelling (no disrespect is intended whatsoever) as I break into song again...
Thou hast turned my mourning into dancing for me
Thou has put of my sack claaawth
Thou hast turned my mourning into dancing for me
And girded me with glaaaadness
To the end that my glory may sing praise unto Thee
And not be siiiilent
Ooooh Lord, my Gaaaahhhhd, I will give thanks unto Thee for eeeeeehver.
Psalms 30:11-12
Have a Glorious Day!!!!!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-06-12T18:08:53.706-04:00The call of Jesus...GET OUT OF THE BOAT!It takes that kind of a call to get my attention.
After all the searching and questioning I finally know what to do.
I was reading the following and it is like a lightbulb came on. It was one of those things where the words on the surface don't go with what is going on, but inside, God is giving me an interpretation that is right on. I just knew that this is what I have been searching for-the direction I needed.
Funny how is a split second, God can speak VOLUMES to our souls. I kinda think it will be that way when we die and we get glimpses of it here on earth. We will just KNOW. What ever it is we've ever wondered, I believe when we die, we will KNOW. 1 Corinthians 13:12
In my heart, as I read the following words, I knew God was calling me to a new season in my life. I have taken the first steps and it's time to dive in. So here I am, stepping out of the boat of "church as we know it" and commiting myself to the water.
I even wrote about this vision I had earlier this year. I said "I suddenly see the futility of what I am doing, give up and decide it's not worth the battle. I am just too tired and it's not getting us anywhere. We just can't all fit on the boats. I fully expect to sink and die, but instead I find that when I quit fighting and clamoring for the safety of the boats, my life preserver holds me up effortlessly and I am fine." I just wasn't putting the two together. I had based my concerns on some dreams I had aobut 2 years ago about our church being "taken over" by one group or another and I was the lone voice shouting warnings to everyone. Maybe instead of warning me to beware of being decieved, those dreams were warning me of how I would be when our church goes through changes.
Anyway, read on. Thank you to those who have been praying for me and my church through all of this. Truthfully, I had my mind made up to leave, but now I am at peace with staying. God just gave me new eyes to see things the way He wanted me to. Church will never be the same. It is about to become an adventure!
"Friend, will you hoard the last drops of oil in your jug or will you lavish them on others because you have nothing to lose? God has a plan. Be there when he stops by. Bake him a cake. He's got a miracle of grace in store, just for you." excerpt from "Fresh out of Grace" by Barbara Johnson from the devotional book Extravagant Grace.
1 Kings 17: 7-15
7 Some time later the brook dried up because there had been no rain in the land. 8 Then the word of the LORD came to him: 9 "Go at once to Zarephath of Sidon and stay there. I have commanded a widow in that place to supply you with food." 10 So he went to Zarephath. When he came to the town gate, a widow was there gathering sticks. He called to her and asked, "Would you bring me a little water in a jar so I may have a drink?" 11 As she was going to get it, he called, "And bring me, please, a piece of bread."
12 "As surely as the LORD your God lives," she replied, "I don't have any bread—only a handful of flour in a jar and a little oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it—and die."
13 Elijah said to her, "Don't be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small cake of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, and then make something for yourself and your son. 14 For this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the LORD gives rain on the land.' "
15 She went away and did as Elijah had told her. So there was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. 16 For the jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the word of the LORD spoken by Elijah.
Luke 6:38
38Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132006-06-12T18:07:38.283-04:00Out with a BANG!Okay, this is a SERIOUS brag. My daughter scored-not one-but TWO homeruns last night in her last game of the season, her team won the game, and went UNDEFEATED for the season! The celebrated by dousing the coach-my husband-and doing a victory cheer.
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-06-12T18:07:06.816-04:00First attempt at Meme'sTam, this is for you. Thought I would tackle them both at once too.The Jesus Meme
1. What is your life verse:
Psalms 51 (I have had this broken, contrite moment before God and He was faithful to cover me with His grace). My favorite verses are 10-12 which I have cried out countless times when confronted with my sin.
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ;
you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
2. Give a bit of your testimony:
Drugs, sex, and rock &roll. I take the fifth on this one right now. I am okay with telling my story, but there are still people who could be hurt if they knew.
3. Do you have a favorite preacher:
At the moment, I don’t have a very good view of preachers. Unfortunately over the last few years I have seen too many of them go the wrong way. I DO however have TEACHERS that I love and respect-my husband being one of them.
4. Best bible study ever done:
The Patriarchs by Beth Moore
5. What do you feel God's call is on your life:
To teach my children to know and love Him and to seek Him on their own. To capture as much of the beauty of His creation that I can. Eventually to write my “story” To reach out to people with addictions, especially those involved in sexual addictions-both hetero and homosexual. They need to know that you CAN get free from it-trust me, when you are in the middle of it, it has such a grip on you that you just want to give up and become what you know you should not be.
Seven Seven's
7 Books I Love:
1. Redeeming Love-My all time favorite having read it seven times and owned /loaned/given out at least 20 copies- by Francine Rivers (pretty much ANYthing by her)
2. The End of the Spear by Steve Saint
3. A Lantern in Her Hand (can't remember the author, but this is an old book-1930's I think)
4. Do You Think I’m Beautiful by Angela Thomas (I think that's the author's name)
5. The Note by Angela Elwell Hunt
6. My scrapbooks
7. Jean Auel books-except for the last one which was a huge disappointment after a long 10-year wait. I read these when I was much younger and dumber and was fascinated by all the research that went into them.
7 Movies I Can Watch Over and Over:
1. Forever Young
2. Grease
3. The Wizard of Oz
4. The Notebook
5. Last of the Mohicans
6. Any Star Trek movie
7. The Phantom of the Opera
7 Things I Say Often:
1. Suuuure
2. Meh-Ama-Ru-Ju-Ry-Who are you anyway?!?!?! (The first part of kid's names till I get the right one.)
3. ONE…TWO… THREE…(slow count to ten while waiting for compliance from kids)
4. Get off my computer!
5. Go, empty the dishwasher/clean off the table/advance the laundry/clean your room (depending on whose turn/room it is)
6. I wanna scrapbook soooooo bad!/Wanna scrapbook?
7. I don’t know. (said like why the heck are you asking me this?)
7 Things I Love About My Spouse:
1. He is stable
2. I am completely comfortable with him.
3. We don’t fight-even when we disagree
4. He works so hard so I can stay home
5. He never complains about me-NEVER (although the side effect of this is that I am often wondering what he is REALLY thinking about me)
6. I can imagine him putting himself between his family and danger, even if it meant his life. (he is that kind of man.)
7. He puts the toilet seat down and has taught his boys to do likewise.J
7 Things I Can Not Do:
1. bend
2. use a hammer or screwdriver
3. handle bugs, spiders or anything dead (which thanks to the cats we have plenty of)
4. keep house
5. remember to pray about a problem before I am already fretting over it. (I hate this about myself)
6. ride a rollercoaster-I’m deathly afraid of the drop
7. public speaking-microphones make me cry
7 Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. travel
2. learn at least one new language
3. learn to fly
4. go hang gliding and para sailing-NOT parachuting
5. own a horse farm
6. have at least one of my photographs become well known and at least one thing I have written published
7. stand in the middle of a wide open, nowhere space and hear nothing but the sound of God’s voice in the wind.
7 People I Would Like To Hear Seven Seven's From:
1.I think I am the last of my blogging friends to have done this, so I am going to e-mail it to the other seven.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132006-06-07T02:20:36.860-04:00Vague rants (for the sake of being vague.)There are times when I draw so into myself to find an answer on an issue that I feel like I am turning inside out. The last 2 weeks have been like that. An up and down roller coaster of questioning my belief system. God had already started the process-testing my limits, pushing my boundaries. Then man comes along and explodes the issue altogether-in a way I'm not so sure God meant. I am trying to pick up the peices and fit them back together, but they don't all fit.
And I am not sure if it is pride that keeps them from fitting or if it is a check in my spirit. Part of me wants things to fit the way "man" says it should fit cause it would actually benefit some other things going on in my life right now. Another part of me, for some unexplicable reason says there's something missing.
I have seen both sides of this issue presented scripturally and there is a place for both sides. I'm just not sure I (meaning me and my family) am supposed to be a part of it. People are talking to me like I am letting Satan steal this from me, but I don't know if it is Satan stealing it from me, or God showing me something that no one else sees.
Certainly, I do find myself looking at my motives. I know I don't WANT to find that they are wrong, but after examining them, and being told HOW they are wrong, I still do NOT see them as being wrong.
Walking away will mean starting over in a lot of areas that I felt established and ready to move forward in. I certainly don't WANT to have to start over. Walking away will mean leaving "home" in one sense of the word. It will mean shame to a certain extent because "man" tells me I am wrong if I walk away.
One minute, I am fine. Accepting. The next I am confused. Unsure. Then I wonder if it's worth all the worrying over. But still...I feel...a warning. Like there is a deeper issue at hand that will in time ensnare me. What that issue is, I don't know-I don't even have a hint. I think that's why I wonder if I should listen to it at all.
The Bible says that in the end times, even the very elect will be decieved. This plays over and over again in my mind as I think about this. But am I the elect that is decieved? Or am I being warned not to let myself be decieved?
I am seeking Godly counsel on this matter. It is my hope that he will be seperate enough from the issue to give wise counsel. As a former pastor, I feel he knows scripture enough to base his thoughts on that, my only concern is the doctrinal differences. I am in hopes that he will look past denominational lines on this issue. I DO need to hear from someone on the outside and someone who is not burdened with this issue as I am.
I feel like I am making more of this than I should. Why is such a seemingly simple thing bogging me down so? Funny thing is that my husband, though not in as much turmoil over it as I, is just as confused. He feels the decision has been made for him and that he is being cornered into following along. There again, this could very well just be our pride and resistance to change.
Another funny (in a queer sort of way) thing is that it is obvious that people know my reservations and approach me to talk me out of them. It seems that everyone I care about is already sold on this thing and is excited about it. I can't understand why I am not. It seems like a perfect solution. There is no reason why I (meaning normally I would jump on an idea like this "I") should not be happy with it. Normally I love the adventure of change and I have been begging my husband to let me change something about our lives for several months now. I really want to move-preferably to another state-not because I don't like it here, but because I WANT change. How odd is that?Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-06-06T12:23:35.776-04:00Poetry makes me have to think.Is it a product of the times that life seems so complicated?
Did God really mean for us to be so confused about how we should be?
Sequestered and safe or service to the lost inundated.
I feel a deep call to holiness is for mine and me.
Yet also to reach out to the lost and love them unabated.
God has been telling me that this is how things should be.
The church for so long has turned it's back on anyone to it unrelated.
It seems to have developed a country club mentality.
Is it pride I feel when I sense these things, then when faced with it feel jaded?
Is it simply that I felt different and am now lumped as a pharisee?
I just can't resolve that this shouldn't be debated.
Both a commitment to the lost as well as believers' ministry.
Must I really only to one be dedicated?
Far from God, those are the hardest to see
brought to the kingdom, emancipated.
But Christians too, often in bondage, needing to be free,
need care, growth, encouragement, this should not be negated
shouldn't I protect my children to some degree?
The influence others have is underrated.
Is there no way for both to be?
I just can't bring myself to find the two unrelated.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-06-09T01:40:27.843-04:00ABSURDSorry if this doesn't load right. I am not very good with HTML.
Way of the Master is about witnessing. You may have seen it on Christian television, it's the one with Kirk Cameron in it. They have an awesome way of taking the terror out of approaching people with the Gospel and showing you what to do in many different situations. This million dollar bill thing is a gospel tract on one side. It is OBVIOUSLY not real nor trying to look real. It is simply an attention getting tool. When I got this email today, I just sat there staring at my computer screen in disbelief. I don't, nor will I, usually get political in this blog accept to say that I am a conservative (I can't even bring myself to claim the R party right now because I am so frustrated with them) because I am a bit opinionated in that arena and I find it's better to just keep my mouth shut and my fingers still when it comes to politics. But this takes the cake. I have to ask...Doesn't our government have anything better to do????
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Like the huge piles of paper all over my desk, my hard drive has pictures, junk mail, bills, papers, you-name-it, it's in there. I know I put it there cause I put EVERYthing there. I just don't know how deep or which stack it's in. Instead of not remembering what it looks like-like I have to do with things on my desk-I don't remember the name I gave it. I really should clean it all up, but where my desk (due to the fact that I do clean it up ever so often) has only months of buildup on it, my computer has YEARS of stuff. Where do I begin.........(overwhelmed sigh).Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-05-31T14:06:25.410-04:00More Super M'sWell, so much for not having anything to say. I knew that wouldn't last long. HAHA
| This Supergirl's gaga over her Superman! (sorry I had to do it, I know it's not punny) |
 |
Youngest SuperM  |
Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! No! It's SuperM's!  |
Yeah he even changes in the phone booth!  |
My husband and I had been through the area so many times we had forgotten about the Metropolis, IL Superman. We had never been there ourselves thinking it was kinda hokey and had never even thought to take the kids there.
When we stopped at a rest stop there, the kids saw the Superman sign and went "Superman statue????" So we decided to stop there on our way back. See, they have really gotten into the show Smallville (owning 4 seasons on DVD and Thursday nights being something akin to sacred for the regular showing, not to mention all the times it's on in syndication. Now they are all caught up in the Superman Returns hype too. So this, while we have passed by this little town hundreds of times, without even blinking, suddenly held their curiosity. We were only there for 30 minutes and had so much fun with these pictures that the kids deemed the trip "worth it" and Hubby and I considered it a success.
You can see which of my family REALLY gets into the Superman thing.This is all of them minus my oldest who had to work that day. Look at those poses!
My two youngest girls and I. We were supposed to do Charlie's Angels poses, but they flaked on me at the last minute.
Even the Clark Kent character behind them thought they had gender issues!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132006-05-31T16:47:16.350-04:00Wednesday Writer's BlockI have nothing to say. Amazing! My husband would mark this on his calender. It's not that things haven't happened, but I just am drawing a blank. So I got this in my e-mail today and thought I would post it lest people think I have disappeared. It has the ring of truth and can either be sad or funny so I thought I would share it. Have a great day!
Now and then Fatherhood...
Today nearly 100 years have elapsed since the first father's Day was
celebrated. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today;
but they did have a few advantages: In 1900, fathers prayed their children
would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses.
Today, it's the size of his minivan.
In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the
vacation home.
In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is
in the video camera.
In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons. Today, kids wouldn't touch
Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.
In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business. Today,
fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach
them how to work the computer and set the VCR.
In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.
If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on throat cancer.
In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it's time
for school."
Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: "Wake up, it's
time for baseball practice."
In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the
supper table.
Today, a father comes home to a note: "Jimmy's at baseball, Cindy's at
gymnastics, I'm at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge."
In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing
in a stream.
Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU
HAVE A MINUTE..Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-05-31T10:44:57.610-04:00My baby is not a baby anymore.
The day has been so busy.
We haven't had time to even talk.
You step into the whirlwind,
and for me time suddenly stops.
For a moment I see clearly,
though around me time still flies.
But the world becomes just you and I,
as I see you with new eyes.
You were just a little girl.
I thought you were anyway.
What happened to the time?
Has memory begun to fade?
Now before me stands a woman,
and my heart feels a sudden pain.
My time with you is passing.
The world is yours to gain.
Graceful, beautiful, young woman of God,
growing in faith and love.
You were my blessing, my joy-
a wonderful gift from above.
Where is the little girl,
with big grins and tiny curls,
the little ray of sunshine,
that lit up my world?
You don't even know I am watching you.
You don't see my eyes fill with tears.
With bittersweet understanding,
I hold this moment dear.
I couldn't be prouder, you are so beautiful.
But what makes my heart leap,
is the strength I see inside-
the tender promise that you keep.
©2006 Joy MeadeJoy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996172006-05-27T13:23:44.766-04:00To top it off...the high school called and said my oldest son was going to fail an honors class that he had a B in because of tardies and our pet cockatiel (my youngest son's who was very attached to this bird) died suddenly and mysteriously. He was fine this afternoon. When we came home this evening he was laying on the floor of his cage dead. What a day. So glad it's over.
Oh yeah, it's the last day of school too. Normally, I am excited about the start of summer. Today I am just plain blue. Boy do I sound like a whiner these days.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132006-05-28T14:06:11.456-04:00The death of a church.I have deleted this post because my blog is linked through my website. Due to the sensitive nature of the topic, and the fact that some of my church family may read it, I felt it best to remove it. My church family needs to make decisions about this issue for themselves and while I hope to put in my two cents before the final decision is made, I don't want to do it second hand like this. Those of you that I really wanted to hear from on the issue have already read it. I thank you so much for your input and ask that you keep my church family in your prayers. We have alot of decisions to make. I will try to keep you posted.
PS I am removing the comments as well. I am saving them for my own reference and encouragement, but I don't want them to be here for the same reasons as above. Please don't think it isn't that I don't appreciate them. That's why I am saving them on my hard drive. :-)
They mean so much to me! I just think that until the matter is resolved, this will have to be treated as a private issue.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996152006-05-27T03:25:55.920-04:00FatigueA short walk
to a lost mind
thoughts spilled on the ground
close your eyes, rewind
Sit and talk
to self, remind
try to gather all around
words and images, bind.
One not so old
overwhelmed, unsure,
lost in an endless maze
no beginning, endure.
Need to take hold
sleep, so pure
ever moving in a daze
slower times, cure
©2006 Joy M.
It's 12:42 AM I'm going to bed. If this post doesn't make sense, I won't know it till morning. Sorry.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996152006-05-27T03:27:34.606-04:00My kids got their start on Music Row!-Literally!
This is yet another brag on my kids. Thank you for indulging me. Three of them have been taking music lessons and last night was their recital. The recital was at Christopher's Pizza on Music Row in Nashville. How many musicians can say they debuted on Music Row?
I think nerves got a hold of them because at one point they looked lost, but they did great otherwise. They picked a really hard song to play for the amount of time they have been playing, but Russell really wanted to play a Gary Allen song. They pushed themselves and it payed off.
Ryan (playing the mandolin) has only had FOUR lessons! He really impressed everyone. I think he has found his niche. He has never been one to stick to anything so we eased him into this. He learned an entire song after just one lesson! He plays CONSTANTLY! By the second lesson, we were begging the teacher to teach him a new song.
Personally, I think they are all prodigies. :-)
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996132006-05-18T16:37:09.706-04:00Paths IntersectOnce again, God has given me a peek at the Big Story. You know how something will happen that loosely-sometimes even tightly-ties things together, and you can see that it wasn't coincidental. Someday, we will have complete revelation of how it all fit, but for now, those little "peeks" make life more interesting and gives us something to look forward to.It also happens that there is a lot of this kind of thing going on in my life right now. It's been several years that I have felt I was in that dry, desert place that so many christians talk about, but this year, things have been happening...and fast!
I want to share with you one of those "peeks" that I had this morning. I offer this in the form of a memorial-a belated one. In fact, one I wasn't going to do intentionally, but now feel that God just wanted me to wait to do it.
A year ago in March, I was preparing a slide show video to say goodbye to my friend, Pam Mason. She died of thymoma-cancer of the thymus gland. I had the priveledge of seeing her go through that 4 year ordeal and saying goodbye to her just a week before she went home. To say her life was an inspiration would be too trivial. I could write page after page about how she affected my life, not to mention the hundreds of others who became involved in her fight against the cancer. She knew, knew, KNEW, where she was going. Her goal was to stay here long enough to impact her children's lives. She was pregnant with her youngest daughter when they found the cancer. Seemingly, even though I was privy enough to her thoughts to know better, the only thing she feared was that Abigail wouldn't remember her. That's one of the areas where people got involved in her fight-we had several scrapbook parties to help get her photos and notes to her children together. Pam had fear, but it came to her in the middle of the night when she was alone. She chose not to let it be the focus of her journey. Instead she wanted people to see complete trust in a God that NEVER fails-even when we are facing death. She had a hope of heaven that was so real to her that, at times, she seemed to rejoice that she would get to see it before the rest of us. I don't know anyone who was touched by her life in even small ways who was not deeply affected by her. Indeed, the words she dictated to be sent out in an e-mail announcing the end-she was going home to hospice care-were:
“Knowing that God has a plan beyond anything that I could ever imagine, I embrace anything He has for me. My prayer is that I will finish well. I love the people that God has placed with in my reach and God has given me a work to do. But as I walk through this difficult time, it is with the ever-present reality of heaven.I have spent my life chasing after God and it thrills me to think He will finally let me catch Him!”
I wasn't Pam's best or closest friend by any means. In fact I didn't even know her before we started scrapbooking together. I knew who she was and that she had cancer, but that was about it. We spent several late nights scrapbooking together in the last 2 years of her life and roomed together at our church women's retreat the last time she went. It was then that I really got to know her. At first I wasn't really allowing myself to get close. I didn't really have an awareness that she wouldn't be around long, but I knew about her illness. She was very open about it, but I think I was more wary of the NEED she represented than the possibility of getting to know her only to have to say goodbye.
Indeed we had talked many times about her illness and the struggles with home life when she didn't feel well. On one of our late nights scrapbooking together, Pam was sitting in the floor of the dining room at church with all her pictures spread out all around her. I was beginning to pack my things up and told her not to feel rushed, it would take me quite a while to pack and I would stay as long as she could handle it. She apologized for taking up so much space and I of course told her it was no problem. The she asked me something. It didn't really sink in at first. It was just matter of fact.
She asked me if I thought cremation was wrong.
She had been working on planning her own funeral and during the arrangements it had come up that cremation was cheaper than burial. She was leaning that direction so it would save some of the life insurance money for her children. She was concerned, however, that her body needed to be intact for when Jesus returns.
My reply was just as matter of fact. I told her that if her body needed to be intact for Jesus to raise her up, that anyone who had ever died in a fire or been dismembered would be in trouble. Besides, our bodies are never intact after being in the ground for a while. I advised her to do what her gut told her-which was to save the money.
Later that night I cried. For the first time, I realized that I had bonded with this woman and I was going to lose her. I cried like a baby. I cry now thinking about it.
I determined to BE her friend from that point on. Not just to talk to her, but to let her into my heart-even though I knew it was going to break it. I don't think I could have helped at that point anyway, I was already hooked.
We spent many more times talking about what she was going through. At times I wasn't sure I could handle it, but she would always ask if I could and I would always answer yes. As a result, I got to feel some of the same things that Pam felt. She read some of her journal entries to me. She shared what God was showing her. I wasn't close enough to her to be much of a part of her time in the hospital, in fact there were times when she asked me to come. and I couldn't, that I regret deeply now.
In spite of all she was going through, she took the time to write thank you notes to me for EVERY little thing I did-which believe me wasn't much. She wanted me to know that she thought I was brave for befriending her when I knew she wasn't going to be around. She told me she admired me for that.
I hadn't gotten to see her those last few months much because she was in the hospital so much. I was afraid I wouldn't get to see her, but afraid to intrude on her family with all the medical intrusions into their lives. After we got the e-mail about hospice, I pretty much gave up getting to see her. The doctors had said 2-6 months, but hospice was saying it would be much less. Pam was already in the death throes. I most certainly did NOT want to intrude on her families last times with her.
But the next day, I got word that a mole I had removed, was melanoma. That word was not lost on me. I knew the implications. I was immediately afraid.
“Knowing that God has a plan beyond anything that I could ever imagine, I embrace anything He has for me." Pam's words were coming back to me.
"My prayer is that I will finish well." I have a choice.
"I love the people that God has placed with in my reach and God has given me a work to do." There are much more important things and I don't want to miss them because of self pity.
"But as I walk through this difficult time, it is with the ever-present reality of heaven.I have spent my life chasing after God and it thrills me to think He will finally let me catch Him!” I have heaven to look forward to! What more could I want?
I immediately began to worship the Lord. He is faithful and just. Not even a sparrow falls from the sky that He does not take notice. My determination became the same as Pam's. I wanted to finish well! I didn't want to grovel in a pity party and make everyone sad. I wanted people to rejoice that I was going to get to see Jesus!
I had to tell Pam. I made an appointment to see her. She asked that it be short, and that was fine. I knew she would have a hard time talking, and I knew I would too-due to sobs. I told her what her words had meant to me. She is gasping for breath and pale as a ghost, but she says, "God is always faithful to bring things about at the right time." I was a puddle. It was all I could do to say goodbye and get out of there. I failed her, but I managed to give her the small confirmation that she had worked ministry here on earth. And she-ever the encourager-left me with a memory of a faithful warrior. Thank you, Pam. Thank You, Jesus!
One week later, Pam entered the gates of heaven. March 19th, 2005
I later had the melanoma removed and the margins came back clear. I was cancer free.
Well, the summer before she died, Pam had asked me to make a slide show of her life, for her funeral and was telling me about the music she wanted played. She introduced me to a pianist named Robert Rogers. Not him personally, but his music. It is absolutely beautiful music. I've been told that she listened to it over and over again in the last 2 weeks because it soothed her so. Behind this beautiful music is a story. I'm not sure how Pam found his story and his music, but she was deeply moved by both. You see, Robert, his wife, and their 4 children were caught in a flash flood. He was the only survivor.
Of all the things in the world that could crush us, that would do it for anyone. I can't even imagine going on after that. Robert not only went on, but gave the credit for the peace and grace he experienced during all of this to the Lord. He allowed God to use the experience, devastating as it was, to minister to others. I was one of those.
Now this is the loose tie to this story. His story and music was so inspiring to me that when I decided to go into photography, I wanted a website with a slide show and HIS music playing in the background. I wanted this so much so, that I looked up his web site, found his contact page and wrote him asking permission to use it LONG before I was ready to do my web-site. Now he got this e-mail from some strange woman he's never met. I figured, I'd be lucky if he replied at all, much less if he actually gave me permission. HE DID! He gave me permission and simply asked that I let him know when I got it up and running. I was shocked
Well, I finally got his music on there. I am still a long way from getting a slide show, but the music was of paramount importance to me. I chose "Time Passing" because I felt it best represented what my photography is all about-capturing time.
So I e-mailed him last night to let him know it was up and this morning I recieved a reply. Now keep in mind, I am a total stranger except for the one e-mail requesting permission to use his music, but he shared something with me...he's getting married!
I am so excited for him! I am so blessed that he shared that information with me-a complete stranger. He certainly didn't have to. Little did he know how much it would bless me to hear that news. Not only does this make me happy for him, but it brings me back to Pam. She would have loved that life goes on. Even though she is not here, she would have loved that everyone else is still living life. She was like that. She would never have wanted any of those she left behind to stop living because of grief over her. She made every possible effort to let us know that she certainly wasn't going to be broken up over her death. She was going to heaven to be with Jesus! There isn't anything better! That was my very reason for not doing a memorial blog for her to begin with, but yet I so wanted to share the story of Pam. This gave me the opportunity to do so, but without it being a sad commentary on the the loss of life.
Thank you Robert, for letting me share in your joy for a moment. Treasure the past, but live now and live on. May your life be full of love and God moments! And thank you for sharing your music with me.
Pam Mason 1966-2005
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996152006-05-12T20:28:05.470-04:00Wonderful, awful, and weird-I need a break. But first...!Okay, this day missed it's true self by one. Let me explain. Today is Friday, the 12th. But there was enough bad luck, weirdness stuff today to be Friday, the 13th! I am not superstitious, but this one lets me know Satan is alive and well. I know I am on the right track when he is trying so hard to wear me down.
Everything started off great! I got my website up and running last night and did some tweaking this morning to get a fully (ahem) functional photographer's website up. I am still a ways off from having music and a beautiful slide show that I hope to afford to pay someone to create for me someday, but it works. It does everything I want it to do in the most basic of ways. So maybe I can spend some time on housework now.
Then I get a call from the Fox affiliate here telling me they want to do a story on Operation Photo Rescue. I was so excited! I gave them the number to call Becky Sell-one of the founders of OPR-and the reporter said they would call me back. I was walking on air cause I just knew this was the break I was hoping for. I had done a media blitz earlier this week to get some attention for OPR. My hopes were that they would do a local story so tornado victims would get the word, and then move to a full blown story on OPR with a referral to their web site to give donations. The reporter never called back.
I was feeling a little glum over this and the lack of sleep from all the web page stuff I've been doing the last couple of days was catching up with me too. My husband got home and I realized I hadn't checked the bank stuff to see if the paycheck came in and the bills all went out. So I did. Lo and behold, something had come in yesterday that I had forgotten. It caused FOUR overdrafts!!!!! Of course there was enough money to cover the 3 smaller things, but no! The bank pays the big one first and charges me OD fees for ALL FOUR! Tell me how is it that they can get by with that???
I won't go into what that does to the budget. I'll just say we will be eating alot of beans and rice for the next 2 weeks. What I do want to add about this is what it did to my poor husband. He cannot for the life of him realize that while it is a large sum of money, it happens and in the grand scheme of things, $140 is not that big a deal. Sure it will make things tight. Sure we will have to cut deep into our budget for the next two weeks, but we will survive. No one is injured or ill. We will not end up in the poor house. Our sanity is still intact...well that may be debatable. He just sees one thing. He has lost a day of his life. He worked one whole entire day...just for the bank. They got it and he got nothing. That's how he sees it. I agree it's frustrating, but I can't imagine how it must feel to him.
So the wall was just narrowly spared having a hole punched in it, although it may have a sizable dent, and I was left in a puddle over the guilt for forgetting to subtract that withdrawal from the account. I know he doesn't realize it, but I felt like he may as well have hit me. Okay, enough of that. I don't want to make him out to be a terrible person. Frustration can make you do really abnormal things and guilt can make you percieve things all wrong. He was most definately NOT blaming me, but at that moment, I percieved it that way. However I must admit that I will think twice before telling him if it ever happens again. Not that I think that is a better choice, but I don't stress like he does. Maybe I should just let him be blissfully unaware.
To top all this drama off. I got on here and found that somehow I had two identical posts on here and though I had gotten 2 WONDERFUL new comments today, they were missing! I think this upset me more than the bank ordeal.
Well, I think after this roller coaster day, and after all the time I have had to put in on the computer the last week, I am going to take a few days off from the computer. Before I go, I want to give God some praise and offer some encouragement. This is something I want to expound on at length, but now is not the time.
God is always and ever faithful. He is both just and full of mercy. He is both fearsome and worthy of adoration. He is deserving of all our praise. Even when things aren't great, he is worthy of praise. I will praise Him in spite of the trauma of the day. I pray that God gives me the strength and the wisdom to continue to praise Him-no matter what.
If you ever have a desire in your heart for something, but you have been waiting for something...confirmation from the Lord, money, time, or simply didn't know how to get started...NOW is the time to move. If God has placed that desire in your heart, act. Submit to God by telling Him you are going to start and if this is really what He wants, you will know when He steps in and starts to make things happen. I'm not saying that He will make it easy, but there will be doors that begin to crack open and paths that seem a little more clear. When you are doing what God wants, Satan will ALWAYS do his level best to make it hard. You can't let "hard" or "easy" determine whether it is right. Throw out the Staples "easy" button. But something someone says will seem like you were just thinking that very thought. Or you will turn around and find that, suddenly, you know what you need to do. Maybe unexpected money will come to you-usually in much smaller increments than you think you need, but it all seems to come together. Sometimes you have to fight to get to that point, but I believe that God will quicken in you whether that fight is against Him or against Satan. The point is that you have to START. You have to take a step. Get the ball rolling. God rarely drops opportunity in our laps. It does happen, but more often than not, He puts it on our hearts for US to do. I can't tell you how many burdens I have felt for one thing or another over the years-missions, children that need homes, various ministries-but nothing ever came from those burdens until this latest one. I decided to move. And believe me, it was not a directed, informed, funded, or even intelligent movement. But it let God know I wasn't dead.
See you guys in a few days.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-05-17T01:18:41.000-04:00New website!Yaaaaayyyyy!My new website is up! Well, sort of. I have a temporary page up and am working on an official page. I am so excited.
Lots of new things happened today. I joined a web ring, which to me is huge. When I first started this blog, I didn't really want anyone to read it. Now I am practically begging for someone to read it. I was so unsure of myself in the areas I love most, my writing and my photography, and now I am wanting to show them both to everyone. I believe God puts things on our hearts to do and waits for us to take the first step. Then He gives us an unbelievable drive to see that work completed.
I turned 40 in Oct. and felt like I was awake for the first time in my life. I think that the second half of my life is going to be better than the first half. I am awake, alive, and finally feel like I've arrived. I have always been so timid. Most people don't believe me in that once they get me started talking, I can't seem to shut up. But speaking to new people or to a crowd??? NO WAY! I guess it takes God giving you something to say because lately, I am BOLD! To the point that I even addressed a group the other night! I read a list of Scriptures God had given me for a group of people I have recently gotten involved with. Not only did I read them, but I told them that God had given me these scriptures just for them!
No this new website is not just exciting to me for being something new to play around with, it represents a whole new me. The "me" God has been preparing for years for such a time as this. It is so cool when we can see God's hand in things and these days I can see God orchestrating time, giving voice to the "mute", creativity to the timid, and oportunity to someone who felt completely useless. I know this is a really random post. Someday I will take the time to explain further.
Watch my website over the next few months as it becomes a full blown photography web site. I even have the music picked out for it and aproval from the artist who wrote and played it to use it already. Can you tell that I am so excited?!?!
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-05-09T12:35:55.746-04:00Guests
These are some of the guests we have had at our house this week. The rodent is a Southern Flying Squirrel. It is full size and you never see them because they are nocturnal. We rescued this one from our cat.
The ducks flew into our pool uninvited yesterday and while they were so cute and we were quite flattered that they chose OUR pool from the air, it was quite frustrating for obvious reasons. Where's the Shock, honey?!?
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-04-22T04:00:02.053-04:00Scary Story -The OriginalExodus 203Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
4Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. 5Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
6And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
God is not a god of "who he is to me" God is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is a God of black and white. There IS a right and wrong. There ARE absolutes. You can deny it all day long, but in the end you will ALSO know the Truth. If you try to make Him out to be any other way, you have made yourself another god. If you want to make a god to suit yourself, you have made yourself an idol. You have sinned. The god of relativism is the most popular god today. Not Budda or Allah, but relativism. Put away the Ten Commandments. Get offended by them all you want. That doesn't make them any less than what they are.7Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
He is my God, He is all powerful, and He doesn't like you to speak of Him that way.
8Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
9Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:
10But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:
11For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.Hey! He did this one for you-to give you a break and to have some time with you. Why in the world would you NOT want to take a day off to rest?
12Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
You know this one is way easier once you have kids of your own. Imagine how you would feel if your kids treated you the way you treat your parents.
13Thou shalt not kill. (1 John 3:15 Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.)
14Thou shalt not commit adultery. (Matthew 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.)
15Thou shalt not steal.
16Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
17Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.You can put yourself on the recieving end of each of these and imagine why doing these things is wrong. When someone does it to you "it don't feel so good, does it?" (That's how I say it to my kids).
God is a God of grace and mercy, but that mercy came in the form of giving up his ONLY son to die a horrible death so we could live. But first and foremost, He is a God of Righteousness. Does a judge let a person off for an infraction of the law just because he has been good since the crime or because the crime was a small one? No, the crime has to be paid for. One way or another-whether it is a fine, or jail time. God is our judge and there is only one payment for crime in His court-death.
Am I trying to scare you? You betcha! That's a hot place you heading to and I don't want you to go there!!! You should be afraid of God! I love Him myself, but if I do wrong, I sure don't want to face Him. The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge (Psalms 111:10, Proverbs 1:7, Proverbs 9:10) It's that fear that may just buy you a ticket out of hell. Think about this: If I weren't afraid of being burned, I might grab the hot stove, but because I know the hot stove is going to hurt me, I am afraid of it and won't touch it. Does that fear make the stove a big, bad monster that's going to get me? No, the stove cooks my food and boils my water. I just know not to get too close to it. Fear of being burned has made me wise!
If we do not accept God's gift as real and valid, we WILL die in our sin. Whether we believe it will happen or not. We have all sinned. It is impossible not to in this flesh. He knows that. So He made a way for us to live with Him in spite of that. Why is it so hard for people to accept that? They want to come to God by any other means that by the way He provided. Why would God have to provide a way if you could come to him just by being good? Why would God have to let His Son die, if He really wasn't going to hold us accountable for telling that lie when He commanded us not to in the first place? Why would tell us there is ONE way to Him-through His Son, Jesus-if there weren't sins that would keep us from Him to begin with.
It's so easy. All we have to do is ACCEPT that Jesus paid the price. Do you have to give up your sin? Yes! But not because I said so. It's called repentance. If you don't turn away from the bad things you are doing. Then you didn't REALLY accept the gift of a paid price. Stand before a judge with a paid fine and see if he would want you to go out and commit the crime all over again. No, he will probably tell you that if he sees you in his court again, he will throw the book at you.
Life won't be easier or more joyful if you accept Jesus. In fact we are promised hardship in life (John 15:20). Our hope is in the future. Not that there aren't blessings from God, the sun rises on evil AND good, and it rains on both the just and the unjust. (Matthew 5:45) Putting on a life preserver doesn't prevent the ship from sinking, but it sure does keep us afloat once the ship is on the ocean floor.
Not everyone can put his sin down immediately. Sometimes sin has such a grip on us that it is either a habit or an addiction. I can tell you from experience, it may take years, but you can stop. Without God, I do not believe it is possible, but with Him, ALL things are possible. (Matthew 19:26, Mark 9:23, Mark 10:27, Mark 14:36)
I am not here to pass judgement on you. God didn't make me a judge. I'm just the bail guy letting you know that your fine has been paid. I had to have mine paid too! I didn't want anyone telling me that I was breaking the law any more than you do. But sin is sin whether we want to believe it or not. God is still alive and well, whether we want to believe it or not.
Sometimes we are caught up in our sin due to reasons beyond out control. Maybe it was a deep hurt, or we felt we had no choice. But we do have a choice to put an end to our wrong behavior. God pursues us relentlessly. Let your defenses and protests down for a moment and see if your heart doesn't tell you right and wrong. Do you really feel good about the life you are living?
I'd be happy to pray for you. There isn't much time. You are only one breath away from eternity. Don't waste it. Don't regret it.
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-04-21T12:36:14.823-04:00The Photographer's PrayerI love this. I have journaled similar things myself and felt this very prayer to my heart, but I never put it so succinctly. I don't know who the author is, but they are a kindred spirit of mine.
The Photographer’s Prayer
Oh, God, as I bring my subject into focus and prepare to make each portrait, never let me forget that I'm creating treasures for some family, a keepsake for loved ones... Make me sensitive to the qualities and virtues of others, that I may draw out into the light, the beautiful radiant belongings of their hearts....
Help me, oh Lord, to be an artist, collecting the beauty of every soul, the glow of youth, the wisdom of age, the gentleness, the laughter or tears of each life that is precious in thy sight... Deeper than a means of livelihood, give me the perspective to see my photographer's art as a service to others, making life richer and more memorable....
And, dear Lord, between the lights and shadows, the ups and downs and the rolling years, keep me from getting out of focus or off center, so that my life and work may be framed with dignity and colored with contentment.
AMENAuthor Unknown
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-04-16T22:11:21.570-04:00Just gotta brag
This was my daughter's first horse show. She has been working hard for 2 years at a local stable to pay for her own lessons and yesterday she had her first show. She came home with 5 ribbons, two of them 1st place! Even the horse looked up and "smiled" for this picture!I know it's corny, but because she WORKS for her lessons, we have treated it just like a job and have not stayed around to watch her. This is really the first time I have seen her on a horse since one of her first lessons. When she rode out and I saw her, she looked so beautiful I almost cried.
I am so proud of you, Amanda!
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-05-12T17:35:12.043-04:00HELLO!!!!Hey, I just noticed that somebody's been reading my blog! I am so excited! Let me know who you are. Hit "comment" and say "hi".I can't wait to meet you!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-04-13T19:44:48.860-04:00Operation Photo RescueI have been putting out flyers all day around the tonado areas and with the United Way and insurance tents around for this. I am so excited. I have already helped clean and dry one families pictures and have scanned several for repair.
I contacted these people because I had heard what they were doing for Katrina vicitims. I wanted to do something here for the tornado victims. I contacted them and they were excited to be able to help. For now, I am going to clean, dry and scan or photograph damaged photos and send them to OPR. I will repair the minor stuff. So here it is. My relief effort.
Operation Photo Rescue
A volunteer group that
salvage and repair photos damaged by the tornado.
This is a free service for tornado victims.
Contact Joy Meade
joymeade@bellsouth.net
You can also contact me if you would like to volunteer.
A volunteer group that
salvage and repair photos damaged by the tornado.
This is a free service for tornado victims.
Contact Joy Meade
joymeade@bellsouth.net
You can also contact me if you would like to volunteer.
You can visit the "parent" organization at www.operationphotorescue.com. Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-04-13T18:24:44.953-04:00Beautiful Day
It's hard to believe that bad things even happen on a day like today. The sky couldn't be any bluer and the dogwoods are all in bloom. Even those pesky dandelion seeds take flight and actually give a beautiful surreal effect to the air. Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-04-12T17:56:28.973-04:00Plea to the ChurchDear Church,I address this to the Body of Christ, not to any individual group of people who meet in any particular building with the name of "Church"
Was Grace extended to you? When you accepted the gift of salvation, were you perfect? Did you just, overnight, put down all of your bad habits? Even now, do you ever gossip? Lie? Cheat? Even in a small way? Think about it. Be honest. Did you tell your friend that their hair looked great while thinking, "Yuck!" I don't think one should be honest to the point of being hurtful, but it's not right to outright lie either.
Do you get jealous? Want something that your friend has? Do you lust? What about that movie you watched last weekend? Did you look at the man or woman who played the lead and think "mmmmmHMMMMMM!"
What about food? Do you still like to frequent the All-You-Can-Eat buffets and eat until you can't take another bite? I, who am overweight myself, am asking. Do you eat too much?
Have you ever been angry with someone over something silly? Do you hate or resent someone even now?
I still, after all these years, have trouble with ALL of those things.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-04-13T19:45:58.216-04:00tornado picturesHere is a couple of links to pictures of the tornadoes that swept through our area on Friday.
http://news.yahoo.com/photos/ss/events/ts/040306smidweststorms/p:1
this one has links to pictures on the bottom right:http://www.tennessean.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060410/NEWS01/60410009 Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996122006-04-08T01:51:49.986-04:00We're not in Kansas anymoreToday my life is the same and will continue to be the same. But that's not true for alot of my friends and other people in my community. It is rumored that the tornado that touched down about a mile and a half from our house was an F-4. That won't be confirmed for several more days, but truly some of the biggest homes in the county were blown completely away. They say that as many as 8 people died here. Volunteer State Community College, where my husband and I met, is terribly damaged. The car dealership where I got the first car I ever purchased on my own is gone. The stables where my daughter works were hit, but weren't damaged badly. And I saw it. In Tennessee, you don't see them very often. They usually come at night, are so wrapped in rain, and hidden by trees and hills, that you usually don't see them at all. This one...well, I saw it from my daughter's school as I picked her up. It was OBVIOUS that it was a tornado, but I don't think any of us had any idea of what we were looking at. I mean, we KNEW it was a tornado, but it was almost like it was entertainment. We had no idea the destruction it carried with it.
We spent most of the afternoon getting in touch with those we know around town to make sure they were okay. Many were not. I don't doubt that over the next few days we will learn of all the connections we have with people who were deeply affected by this storm. With each hour that has passed, we have had the truth of the situation slowly sink in. From thinking of the sight of the thing as cool, to feeling sickened that we were actually seeing people we know lose everything they had.
I truly don't think that anyone, escept those who were actually hit by it, realized how bad it was. Although most everyone was affected by the traffic-you couldn't hardly get anywhere north of Nashville. So much of the damage occured in high traffic areas that it made for a lot of headaches. But that made it hard for the majority of us to realize how much damage there was. Traffic was either stopped from going through the areas altogether-the main road through the county was shut completely down-or they routed it around the damaged areas. Only those who needed to be there were allowed in. Even the news services were stuck in traffic trying to get to it. So we didn't even get the first images of the destruction for 3-4 hours. We were hearing eyewitness accounts, but it wasn't until those first images were aired that it began to dawn on us. Tomorrow, when the shock wears off and the road blocks lift, I imagine there will be droves of people going to see for themselves. The photo bug in me wanted to go immediately, but it is respect for my friends and neighbors that keeps me home tonight. After talking to some, I realize how much they are hurting. I will wait a couple of days before I head that way and then it will be to offer help. The south is nothing if not friendly and neighborly. As my New Yorker best friend says, we talk about each other behind their backs, but when it comes to helping, we are right there. When it comes to caring, we are always able to put aside any differences or gossip. We are capable of unmeasurable love and compassion. And I'd be willing to bet that over the next few days, there will be a huge outpouring of just that.
Oh, as a sidenote: William Lee Golden of the Oak Ridge Boys, had his home torn up really bad. The house right next to his isn't there anymore. I guess no one is immune.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-04-03T23:41:09.070-04:00As With All Things Chapter 1(This is a story I am in the process of writing. I am posting it here in hopes of some feedback and with the understanding that I have so few visitors to this blog that it is most likely safe here. I am fearful of copywrite infringement so I won't be posting more than a little at a time. I want it to be like a bedtime story, but for grown ups. I don't have alot of time to write so be patient with me for the next chapter.)
As with all things, it had a beginning. And this began long ago, in a kingdom so distant that no one who goes there ever returns. It had a king with great powers and a house of princes. The princes all served the king in ways that pleased him except one.
The one had found favor in the eyes of the king and through the use of his powers the king had given him great beauty and a voice that sounded of sweet music. The king gave this prince authority so that only the king himself and the king’s own son who ruled at his side were above him. The prince’s name was Lucien.
But the authority given to Lucien had gone to his head. He began to see himself as a greater ruler because with that authority had come power over man. As his ego grew, so did his resentment for the king and his son and he began to spew venom over the other princes to cause strife in the house.
The king saw the rebellion grow in the heart of his favored prince and his heart broke. He said nothing, but waited, knowing the day would come when Lucien would rise against him. Lucien had no power over him, but had become arrogant with greed and lust for the throne. The king could crush him with a single blow, but had no desire to harm the one who had brought him so much joy.
The day finally came. The entire kingdom was divided and Lucien had persuaded an entire third to follow him. The king listened as Lucien screamed accusations of weakness and carelessness at him. The other princes shouted in agreement while those that favored the king begged release to strike them down. With one word the king wiped them all out of his court and into the wilderness. Guards were posted around the castle so that those cast out could not return. The king sent orders to Lucien and the exiled princes that they were free to roam the earth. They were given the power of the air, but beyond this, they would never again enjoy the king’s favor nor the luxuries they once had. A season was given them to roam and do as they pleased, but when the season was over…judgment would be passed.
The king in his great power established a city just outside his castle walls. He ruled the city justly and the city flourished. The people of the city loved the king and served him wholeheartedly. In return, they were given everything they needed. There was no want. For hundreds of years the people had prosperity, health and immortality. This incensed the anger in Lucien. The people of the city now enjoyed what he was promised to lose at the end of the allotted time-life.
Lucien plotted to take control over the kings city and to build himself an army comprised of the king’s own subjects. In order to do this he knew he would have to turn the hearts of the people away from the king.
If you want your pictures developed right, go here. I don't get a dime for this by the way. No body reads my blog anyway. I am just in an Mpix rocks kinda mood I guess.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-03-26T02:32:59.363-04:00Pictures are worth a thousand...hairs that I just pulled out over them!*This is a boring post that explains why I haven't written in a while. I will save you the trouble of reading it if you don't understand photography or computers. But if you know about computers, please read this. *
Oh here I am. After being home from my trip, that I wrote so fondly of, for over 2 weeks. I had all this neat stuff to write about and I still want to, but I got hung up on the one thing...my pictures. I must have taken 700 pictures on the trip. Did I mention that I LOVE my digital camera? But uploading, sorting, organizing, resizing, sharing and trying to get so many of the dang things on the internet is, well, time consuming at best. I have literally taken the last 3 whole days to get them all uploaded to a printer of choice, and order the ones I want. Throw in a photo shoot and an upcoming trip to my Dad's that I realized I also needed to order about 50 pictures from the last year to take to him, and putting together photos from a women's ministry event and you have a mess. It takes so dang long to upload just one photo. There is no really reliable way to do it more than one at a time, and I have probably had to upload over a thousand of them over the last 3 days. I spent the 2 weeks before that poking at the job, but not really doing anything about it. Well, between about 4 different printers, I am only going to end up with about 200 prints. Some are duplicates, some are for that photo shoot I did today, and some are for the women's ministry. I got in on some free deals by ordering them from different labs-although I paid extra to have my photo shoot from today and some nature pics done by my pro lab. No, had to be more than 200 cause that only came to $38 (+or-) and I know I've spent over $60 today on photo developing. I can't tell you how many times I have stared at an "upload failed" message and pulled my hair out over it.
So if any computer developers out there read this. Please develop a program that does quick fixes on pics like red eye correction, lightening and saturation, a good sharpener, that you can upload pics in batches from a thumbnail browser, TO THE PROCESSOR OF CHOICE. UGH! I had to use a different program for each of these tasks and each processor has a different way of uploading. I like the thumb browser at Mpix.com, the correcting tools of Picasa2, the detailed corrections of PS7 (although quick fixes are hard because the program is so involved and well, it just takes forever to load the darn program), and the fact that I can order pictures and pick them up in an hour at Wal-Mart. Wal-Marts BIGGEST drawback, is that the processing is cheap looking, even the paper is flimsy. Picasa does great quick corrections, but I have yet to figure out how to save them. You have to send those corrections to THEIR developers and while I chose Wal-Mart, I would like to have sent some to Mpix.
Okay, this is really a gripe session that no one but a photographer or a programmer will understand. Thank you for allowing me to do it. I will move on now.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-03-03T22:49:23.646-04:00STRESSED...! I always get that way when packing for a trip. That's how I am tonight. No one is complying with what I am telling them to do. The house is getting turned upside down trying to find last minute things we want to take. I can't find any of my CD's that I want to take because the kids always take them out of MY cd player to play their own and leave mine laying around to get scratched and lost. Where is that car charger for the cell phone?!?! No I want that up front in the car with me! Where is my tripod?!?! Someone just asked me where their headphones are. Oh gosh I need the socks that are still in the dryer, no the suitcase is NOT ready to go out. Put that cat back outside! UGH!
I need sleep. I need peace.
Tomorrow, I will walk out the door, leaving my house in chaos for me to come home to, for a 12 hour road trip. San Antonio. I have never been to Texas. I have always wanted to see it. I am biting my tongue to keep from screaming that I don't want to go. I hate the craziness, but this is a trip that I have wanted to make for so long. I made this trip happen. I want to put on my Sarah Groves CD and watch the prarie go past my window. I want to see a longhorn, bluebonnets, even armadillos and tarantulas. I can't wait. I don't want to just see Texas, I want to live it.
Till then, I am being told about another problem from first one and then another of my wonderful family. I must put out all the fires and find solutions to all the dilemmas. Lord, please help me survive the preparation.
Imagine what it must have been like moving kit and kaboodle across the country by wagon and having to plan for everything along the way. No CD's to listen to or DVD players in the wagon to entertain the kids, no cell phones to call loved ones that you may never see again....I have it made!Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-02-27T03:39:00.353-04:00Tennessee hills
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-02-27T03:12:03.233-04:00Scenes from "The sound of silence"
This is my farmer's view of his day's work. Minus our van of course. Can't you just imagine chickens running all over this yard? Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-02-27T03:08:38.433-04:00Can't you just imagine...?
...Christmas past? Stockings hung by the chimney? A cedar tree with strings of popcorn, cranberries, dried apples and paper chains? Children running through the house giggling with excitement?
This is the cabin where I heard the "ghosts".
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-02-27T02:59:07.380-04:00Silence
If silence was a picture, this would be it. This is the spot where I heard the sound of silence. It really is beautiful. A picture just doesn't do it justice. Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-02-27T02:37:12.116-04:00A bend in the road
It's the bends in the road that make the journey interesting.Joy Meade
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-02-27T02:12:40.143-04:00The path
When journeying toward the unknown, fear can be like craggy roots that make our path hard to travel.Joy Meade
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-02-27T04:00:54.596-04:00epiphanies and new beginnings.Epiphany is defined as:- A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.
- A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization
I feel that turning forty was an epiphany moment for me. I looked and saw half my life gone and half of it yet to do something. So for my New Year's resolutions, I didn't decide to lose weight or make any habit changes, but rather decided that this is the year to DO something.
Seems like all my life I have had these big dreams. I had all these things I could do, but no formal training and no idea what to do with them. For instance: I have been interested in photography all my life. My husband got me my first "real" camera in '98. By real, I mean, not just a point and shoot, but an I-can-really-change-the-lenses-and- shoot-in-manual-settings camera. I could take great pictures with it. I got some beautiful pictures of my kids and started really thinking I had an eye for it...but with automatic settings. Those other dials and buttons were just whistles and bells to me that I didn't have a clue how to use. So I have an eye for it. So what? It does nothing for me if I can't set up the shot in manual mode and have a pretty good idea how to re-create the shot later on with the right settings.
The local community college quit offering a just a basic beginning photography course. The nearest college that offered it was 45 minutes away and I couldn't really afford it. It was really part of a degree program anyway. I tried reading books about it, but I am a "show me" kind of gal. It made no sense to me without seeing it done. Well, I turned forty last year. I had dabbled enough with my camera to get a little better, but still couldn't carry on a conversation about what I was doing with someone who really knows photography. "Hello, Joy! You are running out of time! Make it happen!"
First thing I did was buy a digital camera. I "invested" a couple of thousand dollars that I didn't really have into this thing with the idea that it was low enough on the equipment totem pole that I wasn't being completely foolish, but high enough that it could take me into professional as I learned and gained confidence. I felt kinda stupid about doing it at first, but now I see it was a GREAT move. I have learned SO much just being able to see the results as I go that I am thinking I should have done this years ago. Now, I have sunk a few more hundred into a correspondence course. NYIP to be exact. I worried that a correspondence course may not seem credible and the jury is still out on that one, but my reasoning is that I have books to read with the course, DVD's to SHOW ME, I can work at my own pace AND it costs a whole lot less than getting a degree in it. Granted a degree might have more "pull" in the business, but I will have a certificate at the end and I don't have to drive 45 minutes each way to get it. But the real decided factor was that, hey, I am forty. ANYTHING is better than nothing.
I am tired of having dreams and not doing something with them. I am forty and I have not lived. I want to live. I want to live my dreams, even if I am seeing those dreams come true in my kids. I don't want to force my dreams on them, but if it comes down to me wanting to do something and them wanting to do the same thing...they get dibs. I will let go of all of mine to see them get to do it. As far as I am concerned, that's as good as doing it myself and they are still young enough to enjoy it. However, so far, they haven't shared any of my interests. I am not going to wait around to see if they do. I am going to DO something. I want to stop letting fear steal my dreams. I am tired of being too timid to share myself with people because I am afraid that I only "think" I am good at something. How will I ever know if I don't DO something? If I never show anyone my pictures, how will I know if I am really good, or just THINK I am. If I never write, how will I ever know if anyone really likes my writing?
My epiphany: Life is not going to wait for me.
My goal: To stop letting fear keep me from doing what I love and sharing it with others.
My resolution: To stop wanting to be something, and become what I want to be.
My plan: Learn photography with a goal of becoming a photographer by Oct. 2006. Work toward getting my writing published with the goal of being a writer.
I submitted my first story last week.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-02-13T01:40:54.946-04:00
The Meade's on our way to Cades Cove, TN.
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-02-08T03:28:24.430-04:00In search of nothing. There are a couple of things that anyone who listens to me for very long will come to see that I am fascinated with. Those are the passage of time, and nothingness. I am a scrapbooker, a photographer, and a journaler and through these venues, I try desparately to capture time. I expend a great amount of time and energy trying to stop time. Sounds silly, I know. It's not just stopping time that I am preoccupied with, but there very idea of time swirling past...well, sometimes it almost seems like I can see it passing by.I once caught a scene in "Star Trek; Insurrection" that relates. Capt. Picard is with a woman named Anij and she asks, "...have you ever experienced a perfect moment in time? ,,, When time seemed to stop and you could almost live in that moment..." She later shows him what she meant by slowing time down so that he could see each beat of a hummingbirds wings. I can't say how this pertains to what I am saying other than to say...I UNDERSTAND what she meant. Seems funny, but a defining moment in my life really was in a Star Trek movie. LOL
Another scene that defines this for me is from a book called "A Lantern in Her Hand" by Bess Streeter Aldrich. It's an old book, you'll probably never find it or hear of it. In fact my copy says the copywrite is from 1956 and it was in it's fourth printing in 1966. The main character, Abbie McKenzie Deal is followed through her life as she grew up in the late 1800's on the plains of the central US. She is often swept up into some drama that leaves her feeling that time is rushing past her and she wishes for it to stop. The first time is when the Civil war begins and the boys in the Iowa community she lives in all heed the call of the Union Army. "She had a queer sensation of wind blowing past her-of wind that she could not stop. She stood in front of the Seth Thomas clock on the shelf in her mother's cabin and watched the hands moving above the little brown church painted on the glass of the door. Oh, stop Time for a few minutes until we can do something about the war." Each time a momentus event in her life was about to take place she could feel that "queer sensation of being swept by a wind she could not stop, by time she could not stay." Once again...I UNDERSTAND this.
How else can I describe it. I just relate to those scenes and no amount of trying to define it will render it any clearer. It only becomes more muddled in my mind when I try to analyze it. There are just times when I feel myself seeing what I see as though I am watching myself watching it all. I am watching the action like it is a movie rather than something that is actually occuring. At times it seems like it is even in slow motion. Then I know that this is a moment I will remember forever.
Then there is the nothingness. Mom tells me I should paint what I envision in my head, but I say, who's gonna want to see a picture of vast, wide-open nothingness? If you have my blog on the Sound of Silence, then you know what kind of obsession this carries for me. But it is more than just no sound that holds my fascination. NO PEOPLE is probably what intrigues me most. Of all the things I day dream or fantasize about, the setting is most often in a secluded, remote, even virgin, place.
I have envisioned myself standing in a wheat field with no road, wires, planes, trains, cars, people, even trees as far as the eye can see. Just the vastness of the prairie with the wind-blown grasses and the wide-open sky. Then there is the setting of being on a sandy motu, far away from it's main island. 
No trees, no people, just shallow, crystal, blue water with sand that peeks out here and there, and azure blue sky from horizon to horizon. Also I have imagined crossing the surface of a massive glacier with it's mirror surface reflecting the sky till I become dizzy from the illusion of being suspended in air. 
(Of course, in my mind, I also have a cabin in a mountain meadow with the majestic snow-covered peaks reflecting on a glassy lake, surrounded by pristine forests of hemlock and pine.
We won't mention the Fabio-like "whatever" native that somehow makes it into these scenes every so often, lest the husband gets jealous.)
Seriously, I can imagine myself alone in each of these scenes with only the prescence of the Creator felt, and His voice gently carried on the breeze. Beside the fact that I have a vivid imagination, I have at times either dreamed of, or felt immersed in a vision of these places. I don't know if I read about such places or saw an image of something that spurred these imaginings. No I know there weren't pictures that spawned them becuase with each one I remember a time when I ran across a picture of a something that reminded me of my imaginings and felt an immediate obsession with finding out where it was because I had thought I had ONLY imagined it and that it couldn't possibly be real. Well, Nebraska, Tahiti, and Antartica (oh and Mt. Hood in Oregon) are all those places. Now that I have a name for them, I want to SEE them. Just like I wanted to go back to Cades Cove to hear silence again, I am driven to SEE these places. Although I have to concede that Antartica may be a stretch. Oh, and in case you read the post on Sound of Silence, we did go to Cades Cove. It was a beautiful day. Sunny and just slightly cold. Unfortunately, that meant that there were more people out and more animals out. Silence was not to be found. I was disapointed. I think that disappointed is too mild a word. I am afraid that I may have lost my one chance to experience silence fully, by being too rushed. I will try again next year, and the year after...the desire to experience it again is undaunted in me.
Yep, maybe I really am obsessed with nothingness.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-02-02T04:45:26.256-04:00I love to tell the story...or NOT"Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee."—Mark 5:19.
I am a firm believer that there is One Great Author and all of time and history is His one great story. I believe that each of our lives is a thread that the Author has woven into that story and that without each thread, the story, like a beautiful tapestry, would unravel. I know that sounds cliche', but if you think about history that way, it really does make it seem all connected, and, if you permit me, relatively short.
Each of us has a story. Each story is connected to another and another, both forward and backward in the "great story", all the way to the beginning of time. If you think about it, in Jewish tradition, 40 years is a generation. There are approximately 6000 years from the beginning of time (depending on which creationist chronology you look at). Do the math. That is only 150 traditional Jewish generations! Now that can't be completely accurate since physical generations don't hold to a consistent 40 years, but it does put things into a different perspective. Let's compare those generations to chapters in a story. Look at the Table of Contents and you see a relatively short book. Compare each person in each generation to words and you see that there are a LOT of words making up that story! There are alot of stories that make up the One. Each one is important. Even the simplest and shortest. A sentence just doesn't sound right if you leave one of the words out.
I think a good example of how interwoven our lives are is in the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" Everything we do sets in motion a ripple that affects the whole story. Every little decision we make will have some impact on another human being even if it is something so small that it changes where we will be at a certain time or who we may, or may not come in contact with. Of course, the Author is in control, but what an interesting task He must have orchestrating the whole thing.
I also believe that we were meant to tell our stories. Maybe not to the world, but certainly to our families. I think our stories are crucial in shaping who our children are and I think they become priceless treasures to them as they grow older. How many times have my children asked me to tell them about the time my Grandfather put a screech owl in his teachers pocket for it to latch onto her finger when she reached in for her gloves, or a mouse down beside the wall so it would scurry to the front of the classroom, making all the girls scream. I have retold the account of him whittling down the switch he was sent out to get for the teacher to spank him with, so that it would bend around him and hit the teacher. Priceless stories that I loved to hear him tell and now I am passing on to my children. I don't want them to be lost. I love to tell how my grandfather taught his dog to kneel with him beside a log to pray. I can't imagine my children not knowing about my grandfather's little sister who he adored, dying when she was 3 of diptheria she caught from a cat, and how my grandfather always hated cats after that. What if he had never talked about her. I never knew her name. As far as I know the family always heard him call her "Sissy". She came that close to never existing. What a thought. To have lived, and died, and no one to know you "were"...!
But there is another kind of story that each of us have. It is the story of our journey to finding our creator. Certainly many of us don't even acknowledge a "higher power", much less a creator or a god. Whether we acknowledge Him, or believe in Him, or simply have a faith in some other god, there is a point in ALL our lives when we must choose. We may not even realize that it is a choice. At times, not choosing IS the choice.
For those of us who believe, that story is called our testimony. It is the story of how God, reached out to us and freed us from whatever bound us. Some of us get free only to get tangled up in it again or something else altogether. God intends for us to share these testimonies in order for others to be encouraged, or to learn of His saving grace, maybe even to prevent others from falling into the same trap we did. ALL of us have a testimony of one kind or another. NO one is without sin. Even those to whom God has already extended grace to, by virtue of being human, are still sinners. We have just simply put on our "life preserver". These stories-our testimonies-are meant to be shared.
Now when it comes to speaking to a crowd, I am running and hiding. I carry a camera with me, making sure I am the "photographer" so I don't have to be "photographed". I break out in a sweat when someone new comes to church and sits near me cause I know I should go shake their hand a welcome them. It's not that I don't want to shake their hand and welcome them, it's that I'm AFRAID to. Once I know you, I will talk your ear off, but getting to that point scares me to death. But, and there is always a but, God in His infinite wisdom, allowed me to not only experience one pit of sin, but two. And guess what. He wants me to tell about it. I know this because everytime I turn around, there is some book, article, or message about "sharing your story" This along with an extreme empathy for people who are struggling with the same things tell me that at some point, probably very soon, I am going to not only have to drag out the sordid, embarrasing, shameful story, but I am going to have to SPEAK about it. I know THIS part because there has also been books, articles, and messages lately about stepping out of your comfort zone. Frightened as I am of speaking, I am also frightened to tell of my sordid past. There are just too many judgemental Christians out there. It's no wonder the homosexuals don't want anything to do with us. I don't know which I am terrified of more
"Oh God, please not the dreaded public speaking thing! You know microphones make me cry!"
His reply is simply "Step out of the boat, daughter," with a quiet mention to my heart of the meaning of His words so I don't have any doubt. To make matters worse, I try to console myself with "God won't give me what I can't bear" and as the kids and I are reading the book "The End of the Spear", He speaks to me through the story and says "Sometimes I require obedience unto death". I am doomed.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996112006-01-25T22:49:23.963-04:00Trying to be heard above the dinMy heart is burdened and here are my thoughts:
I am in a sea of drowning people. A lot of us have life preservers on, but they don't feel like they are holding us up any. There are 2 or 3 life boats that are full. Everyone is scrambling and fighting over the life boats. We are all, including the ones with life preservers, going under. The people who are safely in the life boats, knowing that we could swamp them, push us away and hurriedly try to row away. They would gladly accept and take on whoever they could if everyone would just quit fighting. But because of all the thrashing about, they reject everyone and look back at us with disdain.
I suddenly see the futility of what I am doing, give up and decide it's not worth the battle. I am just too tired and it's not getting us anywhere. We just can't all fit on the boats. I fully expect to sink and die, but instead I find that when I quit fighting and clamoring for the safety of the boats, my life preserver holds me up effortlessly and I am fine.
Desparately I begin to try to share my revelation with everyone else. A reach a few without life preservers who cling to me for dear life and eventually relax themselves while my life preserver keeps us all afloat. But few people will listen to me. They can't even hear me over their own yelling and screaming.
As some begin to sink, they reach out and grab each other and take each other down with them. The oarsmen in the boats even begin bashing them on the heads to keep them from sinking the craft. All they have to do is relax and trust the life preserver. They still won't all get taken into the boats, but maybe a few of those without the vests would and the people in the boats would stop bashing them in the heads! The vests would also even hold up two or three of those who don't have them. But the people in the water just keep bickering and clawing amongst themselves, both those with and without the safety of the life vests. In fact, the wealthier ones are the ones with the life vests and they seem to be fighting the hardest.
I try and try to shout out to them that all they have to do is trust the life vest. "We aren't gauranteed spots on the life boat!" I shout, "but we do have the life preservers! They will hold you up! You can even save a few more with it!" Very few hear.
Matthew 5 (King James Version)
39But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
40And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. 41And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.
42Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.
43Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
44But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Luke 6 (King James Version)
27But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,28Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.
29And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloak forbid not to take thy coat also.
30Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.
31And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.
32For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them.
33And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same.
34And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again.
35But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.
36Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.
37Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:King James Version (KJV)
Public Domain
Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-01-24T14:04:46.090-04:00Tower of BabelI have yet to really introduce myself on this blog and since this post will really involve alot of who I am, I will fill you in a bit. First of all, I am a Christian. That in itself will evoke varied responses which is the overall theme of this post. Second I am a wife of 17 years this Friday. Third, I am a mom of 5, two of which are homeschooled. I am alot of other things as well, and maybe some would call me a few things that I wouldn't, but these are the 3 major occupations I have.
I have come to see that alot of the things we learn in history, completely tie in to what we experience in daily life. Certainly, there is nothing new under the sun where human behavior is concerned...or is there? I will expound on that later. But I have come to believe that, from a creationist standpoint, that statement applies to EVERYthing.
Now I hate Christianese, but having grown up with it, alot of the things I know about "Christian" things are associated with it, so bear with me. I often try to break away from it with a poor ability to describe what I am thinking in other terms.
All of these thoughts have stemmed from an argument among Christians right now about a stupid movie. Of all things, you would think Christians would be the first to get along, but I have found that we argue amongst ourselves more than Democrats and Republicans. What is wrong with us?
First of all, I see nothing in the scripture that tells us we are to legislate, command, compel, or impose our beliefs on the rest of society. Don't get me wrong, I am a conservative Christian and do not like the way our country is going. I do believe in the political system and am appalled that our government does not uphold the moral standards agreed upon by, yes I'm going to say it and based on election results it is true, the MAJORITY. Special interest groups have ruined this country as far as I am concerned and the judicial system has either been taken over by them (in most cases) or been bullied by them. I do believe we have a right and responsibility AS AMERICAN CITIZENS (not as Christians) to fight against such things in the political arena. I do not, however, believe that Christ's command to go into the world and preach the good news, meant that we are to require everybody else to live like us. I DO believe we are required to TELL about Jesus and the Salvation message, but I believe that it is up to the Holy Spirit to convict.
Let me put this as succinctly as I know how. I do not believe that any form of persuasion will sway a person who is not ready to hear. I DO believe that when we share the Gospel, if it is not heard right away, it will be when the time is right. I do not believe that the Word of God EVER returns to Him void. If the Word of God is spoken, the seed is planted and God Himself is able to cause it to grow in His time.
Ask any Christian and you will get a different point of veiw on this matter. Oh yes, they all say they love the sinner and hate the sin, but how many would actually reach out to a woman in the church if they found out she had a secret addiction to sex, or a young boy in the church who thinks he is gay? How many of them would not hesitate to preach at them about their sin and leave them to struggle with the guilt? How many would look them in the eye and say, I am going to stick with you through this all the way? Moreso, how many would go outside of the church and reach out to someone who lives a remorseless, sinful lifestyle? How many would even associate themselves with a person like that? I would venture to say that most would turn thier stiff, haughty backs to them and boycott whatever they do.
I speak of myself. I am just as guilty. I have done that very thing. But if God disciplines those He loves, He must really love me. It has not been easy, nor is it complete, but I am learning that God's command to love Him, and to love those around me, were really the only commands. The other 8 all fall under those 2. And those commands were from my God to me, not for me to give to everyone else. All I can do is share those commands, they are not my commands to enforce. I am simply to love and to show God's love. There is nothing else I can do to make someone want Christ. NOTHING. In doing ANYthing else, I risk weakening my testimony. I am human enough as it is, I don't need to add to the risk. It is a delicate balance and I have to say that failure is imminent.
The only way to imagine how I am supposed to be is to imagine how Jesus would have been. It is very easy to imagine Him just hanging out with a bunch of friends, laughing and having fun. Can you imagine Him carrying a picket sign or sending e-mails asking people to boycott? Can you see Jesus, at ANY time looking with disgust at any human being? What about the hooker on the corner on your way home from work? Would He make a face and offer up a half-hearted prayer for her? What about the guy that walks by you with a months worth of grime on him and is obviously drunk? I don't think Jesus would have even held his nose. What about the guy in your office that is obviously having an affair with the girl down the hall? I could go on and on.
I have a theory that the disagreement all goes back to the tower of Babel. Humankind had just come through the flood and was flourishing. We all know that Godliness is not necessarily passed from one generation to the next and it obviously hadn't back then either. Man had not forgotten God, but had lost his reverence for God and had grown proud of his own accomplishments. Everyone spoke the same language and, here is the possible exception to the "nothing's new" idea, everyone agreed.
God had told man to reproduce and "fill the earth", but man was having such a good time together that they decided to just hang out together instead of spreading out. So they all decide to build this big city and, "oh by the way, let's build this tower thing to heaven so we can hang with God too!" (At least that's how I imagine it.) But God said to Himself, "if they aren't gonna do what I said, We're gonna make it so they have to do it." God confused the languages and no body has gotten along since. Well, maybe. I have to wonder though if when He confused the languages, the confusion ran so deep that even when we could communicate, we still misunderstood each other.
Perhaps the whole reason we can't agree is due to the fact that we just can't communicate our meaning well. Perhaps that is why we can't even grasp the meaning of scripture the same way. Maybe the only real language it can be completely understood in is the language God gave man from the beginning.
I have one more thing to point out. American Christians have it made. I wish they would all take a look at history. No where in all of time past have Christians had it so good. No where in all of the world are Christians the majority like they are here. I want to know where this idea that we have a mandate to make sure everyone else is doing right came from. We (Christians) have been the minority, the martyred, the persecuted, throughout history. Jesus told us to go share the gospel and not to deny Him, but nowhere do I see that we are to be the moral police.
I recieved an e-mail today concerning that previously mentioned movie. The writer said "the world has gone so far toward accepting homosexuality that now it is being shoved down our throats." Well, the Christians have always had stuff shoved down their throats. We always will. Does that mean we are to respond in kind? Jesus Himself had an awful lot shoved down his throat. He never even spoke back. Never argued. Never demanded His rights. Never preached at those who were doing the "shoving". He never even said the condescending "I'm going to pray for you". But as He was dying, he prayed for God to forgive them cause they didn't know what they were doing. "They" still don't know what they are doing. Even when we tell them. They still don't KNOW and until God reveals that to them, they won't. Even then, it is THEIR choice, not ours.
She went on to say:
"NOW we are expected to
tolerate it and embrace it. It is no longer an issue
of love. Loving the sinner doesn't mean supporting
his every decision, loving the sinner is speaking the
truth gently and consistently."
Yes, we are expected to tolerate it. Not by any human, but by God Himself. He gave man free will. He tolerates it and He doesn't even have to. He will be the judge. Not us. We don't have to support anyone's decisions. We are just told to love. Speak the truth, yes, but we are told we will be despised and hated for that. We cannot, and should not, expect anything more.
Go see the movie "The end of the Spear". Then write to Chad Allen and tell him God loves him and so do you. His choices are his to make.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-01-17T22:38:12.763-04:00fire and iceWe don't get much snow in Tennessee anymore, but when I was little I remember some really big ones. Well, tonight is the first snow of the year. It is an extremely wet and sloppy one so it probably won't be much to play in for the kids. But I wouldn't place bets on school being in session tomorrow. Here, if snow is even predicted, school lets out. It isn't that we don't know how to handle snow (for all your northerners who might sneer at that fact), but who could blame us for not being able to. We may see 2 inches all year, and probably not all at once. In reality it is because of the ICE that we so often get underneath whatever snow we get. Not to mention the fact that wet snows ARE harder to drive in than dryer ones. Besides, WE don't have snow tires and chains to put on OUR cars. It would be a waste of time and money to buy them and we would just be getting them on and have to turn around and take them off. So to our credit, it really is harder to deal with down here.
Before this winter, we had the gas logs removed from our fireplace so we could burn wood. With the cost of gas going up, we thought it would be cheaper. The gas logs we had didn't really heat and they were very expensive to use. We hardly ever used them for those reasons. We have had fires this year, every time the temperature gets below 45. If smell is the sense that is the strongest memory trigger, it has been well put to use. But let me tell you, sight is a pretty strong trigger too!
I grew up in this house. A fire in the fireplace is just as much a part of winter to me as Christmas and the hope of snow. The first fire we had, the moment I smelled that wood smoke, all those memoried came rushing back to me. Christmas, cracking nuts and tossing the hulls into the fire, wondering how Santa would get down the chimney, the smell of smoke drifting on the cold winter wind, wet mittens and socks hanging all around the mantle to dry after a romp in the snow, hot chocolate and snow cream...! I could go on and on. The funny thing is, that the one thing that I never dreamed would come to mind as I stared, mesmerized into the flames, is that I keep remembering Roger's and Hammerstein's Cinderella! Not the Disney one, but the one that used to come on TV every year around Christmas time back in the early 70's. Where did that come from?!?! I hadn't thought about that show in eons and here I was wishing for it so bad it was like a bad chocolate craving. Well, guess what. With the snow outside, it was just too much to bear. Tonight I finally broke down and ordered it.
So here's to memories, WHATEVER they may be, and to the fire and ice in your life that brings them to mind. ;-)Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-01-14T00:44:35.436-04:00The Sound of SilenceWe are going to Gatlinburg at the end of the month. Last year we went for our anniversary and this year, well we are having to take the kids. Not exactly the kind of anniversary I expected, but I find that I really don't mind sharing it with them this year. I really only have one expectation for this trip, aside from seeing the mountains of course.
Last year we went to Cades Cove while we were there. I'd never been there before and had no real excitement over it, but that visit there has become one of the treasures I have locked away in my soul. I learned, after the fact, that for the majority of the year, the place is packed with cars and people. When I heard that I considered myself quite lucky that our anniversary is in January. Were it not for that fact, I would probably have never found the gem there that I hold so dear. You see, due to that fact, Cades Cove was almost completely empty. I think there may have been 5 other cars in the whole area.
Before the Smokies Nat'l Park came along, there were homes and churches scattered around. I'm not sure if the people sold their land to the park or if the Gov't declared immenent domain, but the homesteads, many of which were there during the civil war, are abandoned. Even though it is sad to think about anyone losing their home, the park has been prudent to take care of the buildings and keep them intact.
It is beautiful. There are deer and other wildlife everywhere. In fact, the deer walked to within 10 ft. of us before becoming skittish and bounding away. There are several side roads back into the woods where you can see various homes, mills, cemetaries, and churches. Each so far apart they seemed isolated.
It was cold the day we visited there and since we got a late start there, we didn't stay long. But there is one thing that has haunted, no, obsessed me since we were there and compels me to return. We stood in a church cemetary about a mile off the beaten bath. As I stood reading some of the markers it dawned on me that I was experiencing something I never had before-SILENCE. Most of us don't even know what that sounds like. Even I didn't till that day.
I mean REAL silence. So utterly complete and profound that it nearly brought me to tears. As I started to file out each normal sound that fades into the background of everyday, I became more and more aware of it. I realized that the things I hear all the time, but don't really hear, were not there. No distant sound of people, cars, no trains, no airplanes...! Then I began to realize that other sounds, natural sounds that I would expect, were not there as well. I had to mentally check things off before I fully understood that this was truly SILENCE. No sound of water...no sound of wind in the trees...no sounds of birds...not even the rustle of leaves! Later I wondered that I did not feel fear, standing in a graveyard as I was. No, fear was no where around, but unnerving in in that I was completely absorbed by the sound. I was enthralled by the fact that SILENCE HAS A SOUND! And it is DEAFENING! My thoughts rushed to fill the void and at the same time I was fighting to quiet them all so I could just listen. It was breathtaking. It was fleeting but I was so caught up in it that I was not aware of the passage of time until the silence was broken by my impatient husband. He was ready to go. I felt as thought I had taken flight and made the journey of a lifetime in the space of a few short moments. In a way, I was ready to leave too, but yet I so wanted to stay. I felt a grief about making such a profound discovery and having to leave it behind. This was not just silence, but it was peace. I shushed my husband and breathed in one last breath of it, hoping to hold on to that memory. I knew he would not understand enough to get him to stay and though I vowed within myself to return to that place, I feared I never would.
From that moment, I had a new perspective on the Cove. Every stop, every cabin, every field began to come to life with visions of life for the people who had once called it home. It was nearing dark and we made one last stop at a two-story cabin with a cantilever barn across the road. I made my way into the cabin. It was large and well-kept, appearing much as I imagined it would when it was once full of life, save for the lack of furnishings. My husband was outside, roaming around the grounds, I was alone inside. I allowed my mind to wander back in time. Suddenly, shadowy children were running through the house, a zephyr of laughter on their heels. The apparition of an annoyed mom wiped her hands on her apron and shooed them out the door with an admonishment about muddy feet as the screen door slamming shut echoed behind them. A ghostly scent of bacon wafted through the house as the vision faded and I couldn't help but smile. This home probably had many days of laughter and joy and the walls could probably tell stories of both contentment and hardship, if they could only talk.
I walked out on the front porch and envisioned the man of the house standing beside me, leaning against the post with a pipe in his mouth. After spending the day laboring in his fields, a hot meal in his belly, his children finishing up their chores, he had a satisfied smile on his face. I felt a smile cross my face as well.
Since that day, understanding of the treasure I held in my hand that day has grown. Regret for leaving so soon fills me when I think about it. It was those unseen boundaries we place on ourselves that pulled me away, somehow feeling that I was outside of those boundaries. Those same boundaries keep me from following my dreams and venturing into the unknown. My frail imagination didn't know what to do with that gift and now I just want to go back and sit with my journal and just listen. I just know that one could hear the whisper of God in that sound. I yearn to hear it again. At times I am obsessed with it-for the first time in my life, I heard SILENCE! Something I never even really thought about, yet God allowed me to experience it. Even now I can't even conjure the imagination of that sound. The understanding of it...it is just unfathomable unless you are hearing it.
There really are treasures here on earth...if we only slow down long enough to see...or hear them.Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/1712376460862907996102006-01-11T13:04:54.156-04:00Never enough timeI am a frustrated journaler. Always have been. I want to journal. Feel compelled to journal. I even have the words in my head that I want to use. But there is always an excuse. No time to do it right, no paper handy or the wrong kind of paper, paper isn't good enough I need a journal.... Over the years I have managed to churn out a few pages in a few journals, but have never completed a single one. Often, I feel I have missed the really good, creative things I wanted to say and oh, I can't tell you how many of those things I wanted to remember forever that I have not remembered because I didn't journal them. Maybe, this being January, this will be a new start. Journaling was one of my New Year's Resolutions. :-)
222Joy M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/171237646086290799610
