I think because of the cyclical nature of this thought process, I am just going to type it as that conversation with the inner voice. Hopefully you can see the process. Assume it is all dialogue, albeit a one sided, unspoken one. This is just one scenario, but the words in bold are key. It is for those reasons that your friends will likely NEVER reach out for help. The voice in their head is loudest when they can't do anything about it. Look around. Be inclusive. Ask people out for coffee. Take random people to the movies. Reach out to people on the edge of your life. Watch for isolation and know that if all you see on their facebook is family stuff, they are probably lonely, especially moms of small children and sandwich generation peeps like the one in this scenario.
I really wish I had someone to hang out with. Maybe I should ask [insert name here] to go have lunch.
Nah, they have people they want to hang out with. If they wanted to hang out with me, they would have sought me out for conversation at least ONCE at work. I'm always the one initiating conversations. Besides, just once I wish someone would ask ME to do something.
I used to invite people over and host all kinds of get-togethers. No one EVER reciprocated. All that work to clean and prepare food for guests, but after years of doing it, I only feel used. Where are those "friends" now. I never hear from them. They don't hear from me either, but I am not going to be the one to initiate anymore! No one EVER reciprocates and I want someone to WANT to be around me as much as I want to be around them for a change.
Anyway, I have to stay with my mom (or kids, pets, whatever). She needs to be watched constantly. I can't get a break! My kids leave and I can't go anywhere because now I have my mother. Next it will be my mother in law. I can't subject them to a nursing home! But how can I care for EVERYone! I need to do something for myself.
I want to go [fill in the blank with hobby or activity], but I can't afford to pay for a sitter while I do. It's pointless to spend the money on it anyway.
It's no wonder no one wants to be around me because I am so depressed. I can't get anything done. I don't want my kids to have to deal with me when I can't do for myself anymore.
I wish I had someone to talk to about all of this. My mom is like a child now, but stubborn as a mule. I don't know how to deal with this alone!
Hubby [significant other] has friends. He can come and go as he pleases. He can do what he wants. I have to stay home and will probably be the one caring for his mom too! She is going to hate me. I am a terrible housekeeper and she will probably make comments.
No one wants to be around me. I don't want to deal with all of this. I am lonely. My husband is gone with his friends and I am stuck at home. I can't plan any vacation or anything because he can't get off from work. Even if he does, they will wait till the last minute to approve it. Can't plan or book anything that way! Meanwhile, my summer sucks! I want to get out and enjoy the weather, but I can't do anything!
I am lonely. I have no freedom. I just want to die! I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to live. I don't want to become what our moms are becoming. I don't want to be a burden to my kids and I certainly don't want to lose my freedom. What freedom. I am stuck in the house.
I can't stop eating. I can't make myself exercise. I don't want to go for a walk by myself. I lost all this weight only to gain it back. I am such a failure.
I want so bad to post on facebook about how lonely and depressed I am. I want someone to help, but to do so will only illicit patronizing responses and push people away. No one wants to hang out with someone like me. No one wants to hear how lonely I am. No one wants to be around me. I'm just going to go to bed. There is nothing to life anyway. Might as well just sleep it away.
I should call someone tomorrow-a counselor. I don't know how to call. I don't know how to find one. I don't know if my insurance will cover it. I don't know what to say to them. Probably couldn't say anything without crying.
I have no friends.
It sounds so trivial putting it into words. Believe me, this voice in your head would seem WAY more convincing and adamant about not being wanted.
Most of the time, people in situations like this are okay with the solitude, but at times, they really can't handle it when their partner can come and go as he pleases and is out with his friends. Those nights can be hell.
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