Over half a century

I can't believe that I have been alive for over half a century!  I wish I had been better at recording the fleeting moments.  I have begun to forget the memories I tried so hard to hang on to.  How I wish now that I had been more than a random journaler (a person who keeps a personal journal, as opposed to a journal "ist" who writes for pay.).

I also have come to distrust digital recording of anything.  While it is easy, I have my doubts that future generations will be able to access it.  Digital pictures are only so good as there is a device to retrieve them.  Same with audio, video, and text files.  So what if the technology changes so much that the pictures and what-not that we have now are no longer accessible?  Will they be forgotten and lost forever?  Must print more!  I have literally over a 100,000 pictures on a hard drive.  I am so afraid of losing them!

I want the future to know that my children were here!  I want them to be more than just a name in a family tree!  Speaking of which...I have been wanting to print my family tree.

SQUIRREL!

Tennessee is My Home!

Yes, I know the J is backward.  It got knocked down while we were putting the TN map up.  Hubby doesn't care which way it is turned sooooo...it's backward.

I have been trying for the last year to make my new house, home.  I have definitely had fun decorating.  I have wanted to show off what I have done, but didn't want to do it on Facebook.  So I am going to do it here.  I have been slow-taking an entire year- to get things done, but I think I can finally start posting some of the pictures.  I'm going to start by showing off the latest addition. This project has been brewing in my head for an entire year!  I saw a giant TN cutout map made out of pallet wood at the Red Bicycle in Germantown in Nashville and got the idea.  I lucked out with finding a guy who sells barnwood for $1 per linear foot.    Well the first load I got was actually wood flooring rejects.  Great wood!  Perfect for projects!  But I still ordered another load.  I just wanted to be sure I had enough since I had a ton of projects besides the TN map.  The second load was REAL barn wood.  Straight up from an old TN tobacco barn!

The wood had such great color on both sides!  It was perfectly weathered gray on one side and smokey brown on the other.  We decided to use the brown side since my walls are gray.  So we laid it out on sawhorses and went to work.  I downloaded a vector map and resized it in Photoshop.  I was disappointed to find that if I did the map perfectly to scale, I would have an 8 foot long wall hanging that was only 2 feet tall.  So I went with a slightly more squat map than to scale.  I ended up with 80" x 27".  I saved it as a .pdf and tile printed it from Powerpoint.

We screwed boards into the back of our barnwood, cut out our map pattern and traced it onto the wood.

 Next was cutting out the pattern.  The Mississippi was a booger!  We ended up having to buy a new jigsaw cause we burned out the old cheap one.  Hubby was really getting into it so he splurged a bit.  He was planning our next projects as he shopped for it.

 Once it was cut out, Hubby ground down the little bit of screw that was sticking out.

 Then I started painting.

 I added just the center of our TN flag.

Hubby spent the next weekend umpiring baseball.  I couldn't stand waiting to get it in so I lugged the thing inside by myself.  It was HEAVY!

 We finally got it up later in the week.  I LOVE it!!!  

So let me know what you think:)

I gave up Facebook

So, I gave up Facebook.  Here's what I've learned:

1. I'm more content.  I don't read about new stuff other people are getting and feel the desire to have it too.
2. I worry less about what others think of me.  I don't have to check to see if anyone "liked" my post or picture.  
3. I don't feel so bad about the state of the union or the economy.  I don't see negative comments about our government or fake news blurbs about the end of the world, so I see that everything is really pretty okay in my little world.
4. I am less jealous . I don't hear about all the great times my friends are having when they get together with my other friends and I'm not invited.
5. I am lonely.  Turns out, if you don't have a social media presence, you don't exist.  Yeah, thinking about getting rid of my phone.  All I use it for anymore is playing games and getting junk email.  Other than that it's pretty silent.  Sometimes I like that.  And sometimes, it really, really sucks.

What worries me most is that I have realized that ince the days at our old church, I no longer have a real support system.  For example, when Mom dies, I don't have a clue who I am going to call!?!? Who can I ask to hear my sobs? Who is going to talk me through all this guilt I have that I know is going to crush me then?  Who is going to help me get through it?  Facebook gave me a false sense of that when Dad died but I got so angry that nobody really tried to help that it just made me angry at the world.  At least now I know I have no friends.  

Don't get me wrong, I have not fostered any friendships myself.  Caring about someone enough to be a friend is hard work.  I have poured myself out for people all my life and have no desire to take on anyone new at this point.  The problem is that I have never had anyone who wanted to be with ME as much as I wanted to be with THEM.  Hubby and I have always invited but have rarely been invited in return.  I guess I just got tired of that.  I want to be wanted.  I figure I either make bad choices about who I want to be with or there is something unlikable about me.

Checking in

Blogging is definitely not on my priority list anymore.  So here's a quick bullet list of what is going on.

• I am still at 160-163 lbs. 2 years after bariatric surgery.
• I am getting grouchy in my old age (I'm 51 now).  I don't really think I am more grouchy, I am just less worried about showing it.
• I like being alone-or at least with only those people that I am closest to.  I like visiting with others too, but I really do need a LOT of alone time to recharge afterward.
• I am a dog person.  I thought I hated dogs, but I really just hate small dogs.  I LOVE big dogs!
• Sidhartha Gautama was right.  Suffering comes from desire.
• I am not really all that conservative.  At least not now that the tea party is in control of the Republican party.  Democrats are too inclusive for me to totally jump ship though.  I just can't support pro-choice.  Don't innocent babies get some consideration?  They can't speak for themselves, but a woman CAN keep her legs shut till she can prevent a pregnancy.  Oooh I am probably going to get in trouble for that one.  MAKE YOUR CHOICE BEFORE YOU MAKE A BABY!!!!!  DUH!!!!  Otherwise, shut up and let the baby have a life.  Don't give me that, "What about rape?" crap.  That doesn't happen enough to be part of the issue.  Even still, all lives matter! I'm batting a thousand here!  Bound to be someone who will get mad at this.  I don't care.
• I don't like that we don't help Syrian refugees.  I understand why we don't, but I don't like it.  I just keep thinking, "What if that were us?"
• There is no perfect solution.  Fair to some is always unfair to others.  
• Survival of the fittest might not be politically correct, but it is what it is.  Pro-choice proves that.  Babies are too weak, so they die.
• the Black Death was a "correction" (not because of evil, but because of sheer numbers).  There WILL be another correction someday.  I'd be willing to bet sooner than later.
• God is just.  We don't or can't understand His ways.  That's where faith comes in.