I don't really feel like writing anything complex today. I simply want to take a nap. I have been stuck in the house so much this summer because of lack of money, that I am beginning to wonder how bad I really want a job. As soon as I think that thought I want to kick myself. I can't go without a job! But maybe instead of questioning if I want one, maybe I am gearing myself up for the possibility of not getting one. UGH. The idea of diving into a classroom with a bunch of kids without any prep time scares me to death! I could be getting lesson plans ready now, but I don't know what age or class I will be teaching. I really don't want to sub again. Especially not with the new automated call system. You get less choice of where you go or who you sub for.
Oh, randomness on a summer day! I wish I were kicking it on some big back porch out in the country! Someday...someday.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
Life without the news.
Last year we dropped all of our cable except the local stations. I kept in touch with the world on my way to and from work while listening to satellite radio. I have Fox News, CNN, and MSNBC all on radio! Great for a news junkie like me. BUT, I did not even notice how little news I was getting over the summer since I am not in the car much. I have read some blogs and stuff, but they are political in nature and with the upcoming elections...well you know what the majority of those posts are about.
My husband told me over the weekend that Iran was rattling sabers! WHAT?!?! They launch mid range missiles and declared they could attack US outposts in the Middle East? How the heck did I miss such a thing?!?!?! Well, once I realized I missed that news, I never even looked it up to read about it. Guess I am not such a news junkie after all.
Anyway, I'm kinda Machiavellian where that kind of thing is concerned but upon hearing about it, I asked hubby what we are doing about it-hoping we kicked butt and told them where they could shove their mid-range missiles, but knowing full well that the current administration wouldn't dare. Hubby replies, "oh I'm sure he apologized to them." In my fit of laughter, I added, "and bowed to Ahmadinejad while he did it."
We are so silly
Anyway, I saw a video recently about a Muslim festival in Dearborn, Michigan where some "christians" went to protest. Now the signs these wackos were carrying were not anything that would incite a peaceful discussion. No, they were blatantly saying that Muslims were evil and going to hell. Well, the police would not do anything to protect those morons and the Muslims youth started pelting them with rocks and bottles and such. DUH! The police ended up escorting the cretins..er..I mean...christians out of the area saying they didn't have enough manpower to "protect" them. Later however, the same group's van was pulled over by a dozen or so cops.
This has so much stupidity written all over it. First, a Muslim festival??? I'm okay with it if Christians can do the same. But anyone who shows up with stupid, inflammatory remarks on poster board needs to expect to get pelted with rocks and bottles at the very least! It's a wonder they didn't get the h*** beat out of them! However, they do have a right to be stupid in public and it is the job of the police to protect them. Should they have escorted them out? Yes. Should they have at least cited the Muslim kids for assault? YES! Minorities are not above the law! Even though there is a large, maybe even a majority Muslim population in
Dearborn, they do not have a right to bully or harm anyone else.
That being said, I fully believe our country is coming to a day when Christians will be treated like those christians on a regular basis. It will be merely for the fact that we profess Christ, rather than because we said something offensive. To be honest, I think jerks like those "christians" are going to usher in that day for us a lot sooner than later.
Oh, as for my thoughts on Justice Roberts' stance on the healthcare bill: From a purely political standpoint, I think he went against his conscience because he wanted to be remembered. If he voted with the conservatives, he would have easily been dismissed as partisan and quickly forgotten. To turn his vote would give him a place in history and fame...or infamy depending on how you look at it. I think it is a shame that he has such delusions of grandeur. It's like he saw this case as being the one that would help him achieve his aspiration to be another Chief Justice Marshall.
Spiritually, I think there were some of the same influences that turned the people on Jesus just a few days after welcoming Him into Jerusalem with praise and adoration. Eyes and ears blinded and minds clouded, those same people clamored for his death within the week. Roberts has let himself be a pawn and has set into motion something I think he will eventually regret.
If people want European or Canadian style government that takes care of them from the cradle to the grave, then let them go to Europe or Canada! America was founded on a healthy fear of government and should be allowed to remain as fearful as ever. America needs to be different. It needs to be a haven for those who have no desire to fall into the status quo. It is a place where individuals carve out their existence and make his own way without dependence on anyone else, but with compassion for fellow man. That same independence should allow us to expect the same from others while understanding that we all need a little help from time to time. When we can, we help so that someday we may be helped. But never, never do we sit idle while taking from others without giving back.
That's enough for today.
My husband told me over the weekend that Iran was rattling sabers! WHAT?!?! They launch mid range missiles and declared they could attack US outposts in the Middle East? How the heck did I miss such a thing?!?!?! Well, once I realized I missed that news, I never even looked it up to read about it. Guess I am not such a news junkie after all.
Anyway, I'm kinda Machiavellian where that kind of thing is concerned but upon hearing about it, I asked hubby what we are doing about it-hoping we kicked butt and told them where they could shove their mid-range missiles, but knowing full well that the current administration wouldn't dare. Hubby replies, "oh I'm sure he apologized to them." In my fit of laughter, I added, "and bowed to Ahmadinejad while he did it."
We are so silly
Anyway, I saw a video recently about a Muslim festival in Dearborn, Michigan where some "christians" went to protest. Now the signs these wackos were carrying were not anything that would incite a peaceful discussion. No, they were blatantly saying that Muslims were evil and going to hell. Well, the police would not do anything to protect those morons and the Muslims youth started pelting them with rocks and bottles and such. DUH! The police ended up escorting the cretins..er..I mean...christians out of the area saying they didn't have enough manpower to "protect" them. Later however, the same group's van was pulled over by a dozen or so cops.
This has so much stupidity written all over it. First, a Muslim festival??? I'm okay with it if Christians can do the same. But anyone who shows up with stupid, inflammatory remarks on poster board needs to expect to get pelted with rocks and bottles at the very least! It's a wonder they didn't get the h*** beat out of them! However, they do have a right to be stupid in public and it is the job of the police to protect them. Should they have escorted them out? Yes. Should they have at least cited the Muslim kids for assault? YES! Minorities are not above the law! Even though there is a large, maybe even a majority Muslim population in
Dearborn, they do not have a right to bully or harm anyone else.
That being said, I fully believe our country is coming to a day when Christians will be treated like those christians on a regular basis. It will be merely for the fact that we profess Christ, rather than because we said something offensive. To be honest, I think jerks like those "christians" are going to usher in that day for us a lot sooner than later.
Oh, as for my thoughts on Justice Roberts' stance on the healthcare bill: From a purely political standpoint, I think he went against his conscience because he wanted to be remembered. If he voted with the conservatives, he would have easily been dismissed as partisan and quickly forgotten. To turn his vote would give him a place in history and fame...or infamy depending on how you look at it. I think it is a shame that he has such delusions of grandeur. It's like he saw this case as being the one that would help him achieve his aspiration to be another Chief Justice Marshall.
Spiritually, I think there were some of the same influences that turned the people on Jesus just a few days after welcoming Him into Jerusalem with praise and adoration. Eyes and ears blinded and minds clouded, those same people clamored for his death within the week. Roberts has let himself be a pawn and has set into motion something I think he will eventually regret.
If people want European or Canadian style government that takes care of them from the cradle to the grave, then let them go to Europe or Canada! America was founded on a healthy fear of government and should be allowed to remain as fearful as ever. America needs to be different. It needs to be a haven for those who have no desire to fall into the status quo. It is a place where individuals carve out their existence and make his own way without dependence on anyone else, but with compassion for fellow man. That same independence should allow us to expect the same from others while understanding that we all need a little help from time to time. When we can, we help so that someday we may be helped. But never, never do we sit idle while taking from others without giving back.
That's enough for today.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
A letter I'd like to send to my father.
It's 3 AM and I can't sleep. I went to see my Dad today and I always come away with a mishmash of emotional hoohah after being with him. Explaining is difficult. Basically, he left my mother and his family and married another family. That family became HIS family and we were...well that's the part that I have never been able to mash about the hah. I have never been able to define what I am to him. He is no help in that dept. Big revelation on that today and now I am in a struggle between the response I WANT to have and feel I have a RIGHT to have, and the one I know God wants me to have. I am not sure I am that big a person. So the following is what I would like to say to my Father:
Dear Father,
My perspective of you has always been a selfish one. I was still a little girl when you left home and where you are concerned, I have remained that little girl. She has always felt abandoned by you and without the knowledge of what the love of a man should look like. She has always been jealous of your "other" family and felt that they had you and she didn't.
Well, after today I see that perception was wrong, but not unfounded. That little girl is gone and while she does have a father, she does not have a Dad. Your "other" family is not your other family, they are your family and you are their Dad. They have had you more years than I and know you as their Dad where as I do not.
They have more of a right to be jealous of you than I do. Even though through the eyes of that little girl who you left at the age of 10, you should be MY Dad and I should have a right to be more jealous. I guess I finally got a glimpse of what they feel.
So for their sake and for mine, I release you. I release you to be their Dad and not mine. I release you from any emotional duty you have felt toward me and me from any I feel toward you. They already have the financial responsibility for you so I release them from any financial obligation they may feel toward me. I want nothing from you or them, in return, I give nothing. From this point forward, I withhold any pity I may have for you. You are now what you have always really been to me...a stranger.
Sincerely,
Me
However, I cannot send this to him. God tells me that the pity I feel for him is placed on my heart so that I will honor my father in spite of the lack of relationship. I am not his responsibility and he is not mine, but the genes are there and I must honor that. I do however feel that while I need to be kind, I don't feel God is going to make me continue to try to have a relationship with the man. I only feel that God wants me to continue to visit him since he is lonely. He can't hear me and he doesn't stop talking long enough for me to get a word in edgewise so all I can really do is sit and listen. It hurts cause he always badmouths my mother and talks incessantly about his stepkids, but I need to be there so he can feel that there is something between us at the end of his life.
I take comfort in the fact that he will really KNOW in the next life. He is just a man right now and like I have always seen this from my limited perspective, he can only do the same. My hope for any revelations in this life are gone. Oh I have prayed for them, but God has this funny way of letting me be the one that gets the revelations instead of my father.
Funny that I always feel like a child when I go see him. So excited and hopeful that THIS time will be the time when we reconnect and my Dad sees ME...sees my heart. I come away sad, and reflective, but a little more grown up each time. I feel like rather than creating bonds, God has been severing ties...little, by painful little. I wish He would let me cut the last one so that when the man is gone, I can be released from the pain of it. But I know He won't. There is a lesson yet to be learned. I just don't know what it is.
Dear Father,
My perspective of you has always been a selfish one. I was still a little girl when you left home and where you are concerned, I have remained that little girl. She has always felt abandoned by you and without the knowledge of what the love of a man should look like. She has always been jealous of your "other" family and felt that they had you and she didn't.
Well, after today I see that perception was wrong, but not unfounded. That little girl is gone and while she does have a father, she does not have a Dad. Your "other" family is not your other family, they are your family and you are their Dad. They have had you more years than I and know you as their Dad where as I do not.
They have more of a right to be jealous of you than I do. Even though through the eyes of that little girl who you left at the age of 10, you should be MY Dad and I should have a right to be more jealous. I guess I finally got a glimpse of what they feel.
So for their sake and for mine, I release you. I release you to be their Dad and not mine. I release you from any emotional duty you have felt toward me and me from any I feel toward you. They already have the financial responsibility for you so I release them from any financial obligation they may feel toward me. I want nothing from you or them, in return, I give nothing. From this point forward, I withhold any pity I may have for you. You are now what you have always really been to me...a stranger.
Sincerely,
Me
However, I cannot send this to him. God tells me that the pity I feel for him is placed on my heart so that I will honor my father in spite of the lack of relationship. I am not his responsibility and he is not mine, but the genes are there and I must honor that. I do however feel that while I need to be kind, I don't feel God is going to make me continue to try to have a relationship with the man. I only feel that God wants me to continue to visit him since he is lonely. He can't hear me and he doesn't stop talking long enough for me to get a word in edgewise so all I can really do is sit and listen. It hurts cause he always badmouths my mother and talks incessantly about his stepkids, but I need to be there so he can feel that there is something between us at the end of his life.
I take comfort in the fact that he will really KNOW in the next life. He is just a man right now and like I have always seen this from my limited perspective, he can only do the same. My hope for any revelations in this life are gone. Oh I have prayed for them, but God has this funny way of letting me be the one that gets the revelations instead of my father.
Funny that I always feel like a child when I go see him. So excited and hopeful that THIS time will be the time when we reconnect and my Dad sees ME...sees my heart. I come away sad, and reflective, but a little more grown up each time. I feel like rather than creating bonds, God has been severing ties...little, by painful little. I wish He would let me cut the last one so that when the man is gone, I can be released from the pain of it. But I know He won't. There is a lesson yet to be learned. I just don't know what it is.
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