- I'm more content. I don't read about new stuff other people are getting and feel the desire to have it too.
- I worry less about what others think of me. I don't have to check to see if anyone "liked" my post or picture.
- I don't feel so bad about the state of the union or the economy. I don't see negative comments about our government or fake news blurbs about the end of the world, so I see that everything is really pretty okay in my little world.
- I am less jealous . I don't hear about all the great times my friends are having when they get together with my other friends and I'm not invited.
- I am lonely. Turns out, if you don't have a social media presence, you don't exist. Yeah, thinking about getting rid of my phone. All I use it for anymore is playing games and getting junk email. Other than that it's pretty silent. Sometimes I like that. And sometimes, it really, really sucks.
What worries me most is that I have realized that ince the days at our old church, I no longer have a real support system. For example, when Mom dies, I don't have a clue who I am going to call!?!? Who can I ask to hear my sobs? Who is going to talk me through all this guilt I have that I know is going to crush me then? Who is going to help me get through it? Facebook gave me a false sense of that when Dad died but I got so angry that nobody really tried to help that it just made me angry at the world. At least now I know I have no friends.
Don't get me wrong, I have not fostered any friendships myself. Caring about someone enough to be a friend is hard work. I have poured myself out for people all my life and have no desire to take on anyone new at this point. The problem is that I have never had anyone who wanted to be with ME as much as I wanted to be with THEM. Hubby and I have always invited but have rarely been invited in return. I guess I just got tired of that. I want to be wanted. I figure I either make bad choices about who I want to be with or there is something unlikable about me.
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