A New Journey

A year ago, I started gaining weight pretty rapidly.  I was already over 210 and was packing it on fast after a period of several years where my weight had stayed within a 205-215 range.  I began to notice that I hurt all the time and I was losing flexibility.  I could walk without my hips or back hurting and turning just to look behind me while driving had become impossible.  I was miserable and getting worse FAST!

 I couldn't believe how my mobility was disappearing so quickly.   I had been trying to eat healthier and eat less, but exercising was quickly becoming an impossibility.  I couldn't put on a bra without twisting it around and causing a burn anymore.  I couldn't tie my shoes anymore.  I could barely balance to put pants on.  I just kept gaining!  It seemed like the more I tried to eat better, the faster I was packing it on.

In February of last year, I met a woman at work who had undergone bariatric surgery.  She told me she was having some of the same symptoms.  She was near 300 lbs. though.  I was approaching 230 at that time, but to meet the requirement of being morbidly obese I had to be 250 lbs.  I certainly didn't want to GAIN weight!  I decided to call.  What did I have to lose, but possibly being told "no"?

So I gave Vanderbilt Surgical Weight loss a call.  We went over a few things, like the morbidly obese requirement, but I learned that because I have diabetes and sleep apnea, I have 2 co-morbities that qualify me.  I qualify physically.

Then we talked about insurance.  My new insurance had just taken effect in January.  We had been on my husband's, but they NEVER approved bariatric surgery.  NEVER.  The lady on the other end of the line checked into mine and told me that it looked like I was covered, but would have to call the company to find out to what extent.  She told me what to ask and I called them immediately. 

Bariatric surgery was covered with a $2400 maximum out of pocket!  I had $2400 on my flex card!

That day was the beginning of this journey.  I made an appointment for March, to get started.  On that day, I weighed in at 240!  I would have to be on the program with their doctors for 6 months which would begin after my next appointment.  I was put on a high protein, low carb diet, more to prepare me for what my food intake would be like post surgery that to lose weight.  I continued to gain, but more slowly.  

At the end of the program, I had to have a battery of blood tests.  All the while I am hoping for surgery over Christmas break.  However, the blood work showed that I was anemic and had a low white blood cell count.  My A1-C was a bit high too.  Two more months of taking iron and working hard to get my immunity and sugar straightened out and Christmas was out.  To top it off, there were rampant rumors of getting a new insurance company.  Sure enough, the powers that be decided to switch from Cigna to BCBS beginning in January!  I was panicking!  All that work trying to get ready and now, it might not happen!  I got my approval from Cigna in December, but too late to schedule a December surgery.  I had to put off scheduling till after the 1st of the year to find out if I would even be covered.  If I was still covered, there was a chance that I might have to go through another "program" to be approved!  UGH!

After January 1st, I had a round of back-and-forth calls with the insurance people, the schedulers, and BCBS.  It was almost 2 weeks before my benefits were loaded into the system!  Finally, on Jan. 15, I got the call saying that I was approved and we were okay to schedule! 

On March 26th, I will be stepping into a new lifestyle.  I think I am ready for it, but some days I have an overwhelming urge to call and cancel.  I am afraid of failure.  And if I fail this time, it is permanent.  On the other hand, I think I have a good grasp of this being a tool and knowing that like any tool, I have to use it correctly.  I feel well trained after the long year of preparation to get started.  I have grieved over foods that are so associated with good memories that I will no longer be able to have and panicked over what I am going to do if I have a craving. 

One thing has stuck with me the whole journey and keeps me going.  When I first consulted the doctor on my first appointment, he asked about my insulin intake.  When I told him how much I was taking, he said, "you will NEVER be able to lose weight on that much insulin.  Let's get you off of it."  This was reiterated to me by the dieticians and the weightloss doctor I had to see when I was going through the program to prepare.  Turns out, this surgery is the nearest thing to a cure for diabetes out there.

So here I am, getting ready to take one of the scariest steps I have ever taken.  I topped out at 252.  I have lost a pound or two since then, but 40 lbs. in a year have done their work on me.  I can't bend.  I can barely clean myself.  I can barely dress myself.  Driving isn't bad unless I have to back up.  That's almost impossible.  I want to do things, but stay exhausted.  I have quit wearing pants that are not elastic waisted.  I stay depressed.  I gross myself out.  I am ready to be done with all of that.  I am ready to not feel like I CAN'T do what I need to do to get rid of the weight.  I don't care about being skinny.  If I make it to 160 I will be more than happy.  I just want to be able to do and to see and to go!

To the naysayers that want to say that this is the easy way out.  HA!  This last year of preparation has been one of the hardest years of my life!  I am going to have to fight over what I eat forever!  There is nothing easy about it.  It is merely a tool to make efforts at weight loss effective, where before, I would just be spinning my wheels.  Talk to the hand because I won't listen to you.  I know what I am in for and it will NOT be easy.  It will be permanent, it will be a struggle, but it will WORK!

Taken at Christmas 2014:  My husband and I and my 2 brothers.