Winter time. Every year, I want to sleep all day and then I can't sleep at night. Once again, I am up in the wee hours of the morning. I think hormone issues make it worse. At 45, I can't ignore the possibility that I am nearing menopause. Along with the fact that I can't sleep, now when I try to get back to sleep, I feel panicky and think too much about my breathing. Not that I am having trouble breathing, I just think about it too much and end up feeling like I need more air. I have always had "loud" thoughts at night about things like the fireplace being safe or that the kids are upstairs and how can I get to them in an emergency, but this year, those thoughts are not just "loud" but are screaming!
It's funny to me that these things don't bother me in the summer. I sleep great in the summer. I am beginning to think that the fan I run all night in the summer. Certainly the silence during the night in these winter months makes it much easier to hear myself breathe and get all paranoid about it. I can also hear every creak and groan the house makes. So it makes sense that the white noise of a fan would keep the silence from being so loud. But I really think that the darker days add to the anxiety levels. I really think it is a winter thing.
So, I am off to try to read Machiavelli, because it always puts me to sleep.
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